


Miracle

by shaenanigans



Series: Hao Ting/Xi Gu Second Chances [1]
Category: HIStory3: 那一天 | HIStory3: Make Our Days Count
Genre: Confused But Secretly Liking All The Attention Yu Xi Gu, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Undeath?, Mentions of anxiety attack and depression and poor life choices, Protective Hao Ting, Romance, Second Chances, Still a Dumbass Sap, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Whipped and Smitten Hao Ting, is that a thing?, writing this to heal my broken heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 57,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21970594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaenanigans/pseuds/shaenanigans
Summary: Xiang Hao Ting climbs up the Himalayas and wakes up in Zenren High's basketball court.
Relationships: Xiang Hao Ting/Yu Xi Gu
Series: Hao Ting/Xi Gu Second Chances [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708111
Comments: 652
Kudos: 527





	1. Back Before The Start

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. We all hated the ending. Most of the time I pretend everything ended at episode 17-18 and they lived happily ever after. And then there's times like this that I keep wanting a season 2 and thus this fic was born. 
> 
> English is my fourth language sorry in advance if I don't have that good of a grasp of it. Any errors are mine. 
> 
> Xiao Xing - Little Star (my headcanon of what Hao Ting called Xi Gu after his whatmustnotbenamed)

Xiang Yong Ching fidgets where she stands, fingers curling under the hem of her floral blouse. With worried eyes, she watches her older brother— who looks and acts nothing like how she remembers him— pack his stuff for his hiking trip to the Himalayas. She hates these moments when he has to chase after the ghost of Xi Gu-Ge, always trying to lessen the distance between him and his Xiao Xing up in the sky. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with him and it didn't change after his death.

It still breaks her heart to think of that first year after the accident, how inconsolable her brother had been, how he nearly killed himself from the grief. It's a constant source of heartache and worry for their family whenever he leaves for these hiking trips because there was always that possibility of him not coming back. 

It hangs over their heads, that devastating thought, too afraid to give it voice in the off chance that Hao Ting might be reminded that taking his life is still a way out to finally be reunited with the heart he lost. 

It's a blessing and a curse when he found purpose in becoming everything Yu Xi Gu wanted to be. A blessing as it gave him reprieve from his sorrows, and a curse as he gave up on everything that made him Xiang Hao Ting, save for being the same highschool kid who never stopped loving the same boy. He's lost all sense of self, solely remodeled to serve as an instrument for Yu Xi Gu's dreams to become reality.

His eyes that used to sparkle with mischief or glisten with love for family and his beautiful boy are nothing more than empty shells. The few times he allowed them to see the extent of his brokenness, too exhausted to keep up the stone-cold facade, Yong Ching couldn't decide which was more painful to watch. They didn't only lose Yu Xi Gu that day he was so cruelly taken away; they all lost her brother too. 

Yong Ching liked Phoebe enough. But she never made her brother smile. Couldn't even bother checking up to see how he was doing. Though she guessed Phoebe couldn't be blamed for the cold behavior. They were boyfriend and girlfriend only in name, a meeting Papa orchestrated with one of his friends. Gege probably only agreed to it because Papa kept breathing down his neck to move on and find a nice girl to settle with.

Xiang Hao Ting simply didn't have the will to argue.

Sun Bo Xiang called. Yong Ching had been thrilled when he told her of how Gege promised that he was no longer going to be stuck grieving and will try to live for the people he still had, to find himself again. Things that had assured Sun Bo too for but a moment because the next words that came out of Hao Ting's mouth and his tone indicated a kind of finality that had Sun Bo's— and her— heart racing.

 _'I feel that I am finally ready to see him'_ were his exact words. Sun Bo tried to act like the dead look in her brother's eyes and the slump in his shoulders didn't make alarm bells ring in his head. And now it was up to Yong Ching to try and convince him not to leave. The very thought brings fresh hot tears to her eyes, knowing full well that the second he walks out that door, she's never going to be able to see him again.

There's not a force in heaven or hell that can stop Xiang Hao Ting once he's got his mind made up on something. But she has to at least try. If not for her, their family, then to the loving memory of Yu Xi Gu. He will not want his Hao Ting to throw away his life like that.

Hao Ting hoists his traveling backpack over his shoulder and Yong Ching moves before she can think on it. He turns and she collides against him, thin arms coming up to wrap around his waist, wet cheeks smushed against his chest. 

"Ge." She chokes out the words, clings like she did that first week they mourned Yu Xi Gu together in the dark. "Please. He wouldn't want this."

She begs him not to leave, and he hugs her briefly before pulling away, dull brown eyes not really seeing as he lies straight to her face. He says he's fine. That he's going to come back. Everything's going to be okay now. And Yong Ching weeps because just like the years before when the pain had still been so fresh for everyone, there is nothing she can do to change his mind. 

Xiang Hao Ting merely existed for the past six years without his heart. He has every right to want it back. 

* * *

That night sitting by the bridge with his bestfriend, Hao Ting's thoughts largely revolved around the idea of giving up. He's reached his limit, didn't see the point of living if the one he was doing all this for was not even around to appreciate his efforts. Yu Xi Gu's birthday was in a week, the distance between them growing ever larger. His death anniversary was also not far behind and Hao Ting was _done._

He could no longer bear the thought of another day, let alone another year without Xi Gu, cycling between severe bouts of depression and anxiety and numbness with no end in sight. Even his dear sister's tears and pleadings didn't make him second guess the decision he already made for when he reached the Himalayan peak. Maybe it's selfish. Plain cowardice. But he was just so goddamned tired. He needed to rest in that permanent way and in doing so, hopefully, finally meet his Little Star in the afterlife.

Death was exactly what he meant when he said he was ready to meet Xi Gu.

Taking his only love's box of memories with him up in the Himalayas, he spent an inordinate amount of time crying and screaming Xi Gu's name, begging him to take him to wherever he was. Hao Ting traded, pleaded with the gods he didn't believe in to be reunited with his heart in death, pouring out all his misery and anger at the starlit sky before him until he went hoarse and his throat closed up.

And then there had been nothing but that light, accompanied by pain so excruciating that drowned his entire being in its unforgiving clutches before everything went dark. 

* * *

Hao Ting hears a pained scream and realizes in the next instance that he's the one screaming.

"A'Hao!"

"Are you alright?"

"Lao Sun, what the fuck?"

"He was supposed to catch the ball with his hands! Not with his face!"

What... Where... What's going on? Why is he hearing his brothers' voices?

Hands grab his arms followed by the shuffle of feet as he gets pulled up to a sitting position. He feels cold asphalt beneath his ankles and there's a level of noise to his surroundings that is strangely reminiscent of a highschool environment. It's boisterous, loud, whispers and murmurs floating around like the very air itself. 

"Oh God, is that blood?" 

"Tissue! Tissue tissue!"

"Xiao Gao Chun stop panicking!"

"A'Hao where does it hurt?"

"Guys, what's wrong with his eyes?"

At the mention of eyes, only then does Hao Ting remember that he's got his own pair closed tightly shut from the blinding white light when— Hao Ting freezes, muscles locking in place as everything catches up to him. He'd been in the Himalayas ready to be reunited with Xi Gu. He'd been crying, felt himself fall, pain exploding in his senses and then—

Brown eyes snap wide open, body jerking in place as soon as he sees the familiar faces assembled around him.

"What—" Hao Ting breathes out dumbstruck, quickly recognizing Zenren High's logo in bold capital magenta letters on the PE uniforms they're wearing. 

"A'Hao! You're okay!" They cry out in unison.

Tearing his gaze away from the confusing image they present, he brings a hand up to his head, groaning when he feels the painful throb of a vein, reminiscent of when he forgets to wear his glasses and the tension builds and builds. 

Wait. He's not— Hao Ting touches his face, finally registering the missing weight of his glasses on the bridge of his nose. He looks straight ahead and sees the banner not too far off in perfect clarity. He looks down and finally notices the blood smearing his own PE uniform that he's sure haven't seen the light of day since he'd dumped it to the back of his closet after highschool graduation.

He's dreaming, he realizes. It's certainly not the first time he's had dreams about his highschool life, especially since such dreams only ever happens with Yu Xi Gu as the main focus. But he's not here now and that alone is already odd in on itself because his brain always knew that the only one he wants to see, hear, smell, taste, feel is the love of his life and nobody else.

"Don't look down. We have to keep your blood inside you!" Sun Bo exclaims and Hao Ting suddenly has three pairs of hands tilting his face up even as he licks his lips and tastes the unmistakable copper-rich flavor of blood.

Hao Ting doesn't know what's going on. It already feels too real to be just any other dream. If the searing pain in his head didn't manage to wake him up to the real world then nothing else will. Unless... he's already awake?

The forced headtilt has him looking up and he promptly gets the air punched out of his lungs when his gaze lands on a familiar well-loved figure hunched over the railings of the second floor building.

The image of him has his heart rattling against his ribcage. His throat constrict painfully and it becomes hard to breathe. Yet still through the overwhelming sense of disbelief, he can't help but recall, with crystal clear clarity, his broken pleadings to anyone and anything who would hear to take him to Yu Xi Gu.

Does he dare hope? Did the gods hear his desperate prayers? He misses the tears sliding down his cheeks and his friends' frantic exclamations, struck as he is drinking in the sorely missed sight of his Yu Xi Gu.

And that's what does it for him, convincing Hao Ting that some kind of miracle of physics has happened at the moment of his death. 

The Xi Gu of his dreams was a reflection of how he remembered him at the resort. Eyes full of adoration, content smile on soft lips that always looked a little too red after their kisses, beautiful hands that didn't shy from roaming his body, his sweet voice telling Hao Ting that he was loved, blushing so prettily and all for him. 

The Yu Xi Gu looking down at them only has a guarded kind of curiosity in his large inquisitive dark eyes as he watches their ragtag of troublemakers. His pale porcelain skin that Hao Ting intimately knows can blossom into a very fetching shade of blush pink and lanky underfed frame— that never failed to awaken his motherhening tendencies— is just as how he remembers. 

It stings, the lack of recognition in those eyes, but Hao Ting doesn't let it get him down. It hits him like a ton of bricks. He can _save_ Xi Gu and the prospect of a future with him in it, alive and whole, has Hao Ting so delirious with hope, resolve burning anew in his heart at the possibilities the future could bring, that he feels ready to faint. Or maybe that's just the bloodloss.

Either way, his thoughts circle to the day and time of his beloved's death from that first damned life in sudden vivid clarity. Hao Ting knows what's going to happen, can anticipate what to watch out for and vows that he'd do everything in his power to prevent that cursed future from ever becoming theirs.

For the first time in what feels like forever, Hao Ting takes a breath and it doesn't _hurt_.

Reluctantly, he tears his gaze from Yu Xi Gu to slap away the offending limbs overtaking his personal space. The pounding headache is still there but he's not about to let something so trivial stop him from getting back the love of his life. The physicist in him has a lot of questions, but he pushes that part down with a ferocity that most assuredly resembles his youth. 

It hits him then, after he's done shooing his friends off and he fishes his phone out of his pocket, that he's a teenager again. He checks the date, eyes widening in recollection. Hao Ting knows this time, the combination of this exact place and Yu Xi Gu's spot on the second floor, watching as they played basketball, was the picture that Liu Mei Fang took. If memory serves him right, he's in his second year, a little over a week after the midterm exams when he beat Chuang for the second spot. 

A whole year before he was supposed to meet Yu Xi Gu.

What does that mean for them?

"A'Hao be careful!"

Hao Ting wards off the worried frowns and hovering arms as he pulls himself up to his feet. "I'm fine." The nosebleed thankfully feels like it has already stopped but the pounding headache is relentless. 

"You're not fine. That wasn't fine." Sun Bo exclaims dramatically, hands landing on his shoulders and doing a full-body shake as he hounds him about what's wrong. 

"You were crying." Xia En points out and he finally takes notice of the wetness on his cheeks. "You never cry. I don't think I've ever seen you cry until now." Hao Ting brings the back of a hand over his eyes. Sticky blood smears against his knuckles when he swipes down his face and he realizes he must look a fright with semi-dried blood all over his mouth and chin.

"I said I'm fine." Hao Ting tells them in a tone that he uses for juniors who are more interested in ogling him than taking crucial notes during enforced study groups.

"Woah. What's with the hostility brother?"

Hao Ting barely remembers how he acted around them at this point in his life. The friends he had were all adults who had years to adjust and accept his changes. He hasn't smiled in so long. He doesn't know if he can fake being the teenage Xiang Hao Ting of this time. He's matured beyond his years, throwing himself into his academics in Xi Gu's loving memory. His friends all look like carefree and innocent kids to him. Expressive. Naive. It occurs to Hao Ting that he is now mentally the same age as the present Lu Zhi Gang.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling good." He points at his face. "You know?"

"No shit." Sun Bo claps a hand over his arm. "Hey, let me accompany you to the clinic, okay?" 

A rush of exhilaration blooms in his chest at the mention of the place where he felt the first stirrings of attraction he had for his Yu Xi Gu. He looks down at his watch. It's only a little over 11:30. If memory serves him right, lunch break barely started and afternoon classes start at one. Once he's chugged down some painkillers and has his face washed, he'd have an hour to try and come up with an acceptable excuse to spend time with the love of his life that won't make him look like a creepy stalker.

He has to make a good impression. Hao Ting knows full well that acting like the walking disaster that he was in their third year is not an option. He can't have Yu Xi Gu be scared of him and he can't keep pressuring him either like the teenager who usually acted according to the wants of his downstairs brain. Looking back, their first meeting could only be described as abysmal. He's honestly surprised Yu Xi Gu tolerated and even, later on, found his hyperactivity endearing.

"I'll be fine on my own." Hao Ting says, refuting the offer. He can't have Sun Bo follow him around. "You guys continue to play without me. I'll be back later."

He looks to the second floor, heart seizing when he no longer finds Yu Xi Gu standing there. He has to force himself to take steadying breaths. Xi Gu is still within school premises. He's fine. He's okay. Probably just eating his lunch somewhere quiet. 

At the thought of lunch, Hao Ting pales and hastily excuses himself, ignoring the chorus of complaints from his friends and shrugging off Sun Bo’s hand on his shoulder. Xi Gu had been portioning food and sometimes skipping meals altogether to save up money for his school supplies. The thought of him somewhere in the premises, stomach growling in protest and enduring it alone just about breaks his heart all over again.

Judging by the empty feeling in his stomach, he still hasn’t had lunch yet either. He doesn't have any intention of staying long in the clinic. Just take some painkillers and go. He'll do what needs to be done and then look for Yu Xi Gu to share his lunch with. He'll come up with a believable excuse. Somehow.

As he walks, Hao Ting finds himself thanking all the gods who are listening, the universe that has to be watching, to the power that heard his prayer and had him thrown back to the past. He doesn't understand why he ended up here and now, too far from the time he lost Xi Gu, but Hao Ting is not about to get technical over the details when all that really matters is his love exists and breathes the same air as he does again.

And isn't this a much more preferable situation? Hao Ting has more time, more opportunities to look after his beautiful, kind and sweet Yu Xi Gu. And he can help him. Be there to support and encourage him to reach his dreams. Comfort him and listen to the sad truths of his past, be his shoulder to cry on and when he's ready, Hao Ting will readily give back the heart that's been his all along. Yu Xi Gu will never feel loneliness or hunger again. He'll finish his studies, be cared for and know how it is to be loved and cherished so completely, wholeheartedly and live a full life. Hao Ting will make certain of it. 

Now, if Sun Bo Xiang will excuse him, he has a future husband to court.


	2. First Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for panic attack.
> 
> Oh my God guys thank you so much for all your comments and kudos and bookmarks left on the first chapter of this story! I was floored by the amount of feedback and I just want to say how much I love and appreciate all of you! So here's an early update for y'all beautiful people.
> 
> Unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own.

After a classroom stop to grab his bag— and scaring students along the way when they saw his bloodied face— Hao Ting makes for the clinic, a careful eye scanning the sea of dark heads littering the school grounds to hopefully catch a glimpse of delicate angular features. He doesn’t see him. Just as well, he thinks. Dirty and smelling of sweat and blood is not his idea of a favorable first meeting.

He comes across a drinking fountain and does a quick but thorough wash of his face. There's nothing he can do about the shirt's bloodstain until after his visit to the clinic. He turns the corner when a petite figure blocks his way and stops him in his tracks.

Li Shi Yu. Shit.

He saw her adult self by chance, days prior to his trip to the Himalayas. With his mind going on override with nothing but a constant stream of _YuXiGuYuXiGuYuXiGu_ since knowing and eagerly accepting his new reality, he didn’t think to ponder on his past-present state of affairs. 

He does a mental recheck of the date again. Wasn't it around the time that she set her sights on him for making it to the top five students list?

Hao Ting was never under any illusion that she approached him because of actual feelings in that other life with a future-that-will-not-be. Li Shi Yu liked her boyfriends smart. He was nothing but a dumbass troublemaker, had the reputation to back it up, until he decided to take his studies seriously for his baby sister’s sake, and it was like Li Shi Yu smelled blood in the water. She confessed of liking him a few weeks after midterms and though Hao Ting didn’t feel anything remotely romantic for the girl, she was pleasant and pretty, and the hormonal teenager that he’d been was not about to say no to the perks that came with being in a relationship. 

She had grown on him over the months that followed. Hao Ting convinced himself that he liked her, that he knew what love felt like, until he met Yu Xi Gu and learned what all-encompassing, true love really was.

“Xiang Hao Ting.” She has her arms crossed against her chest, pouting like he’s done something to offend her. 

He remembers them being official around December. It’s still late-November. She's not his girlfriend yet and never will be. He already has Yu Xi Gu and Hao Ting has always looked down on anyone who strung along and led people on, strived not to act out the very behavior he despises in a person.

“Li Shi Yu.” Hao Ting states dodgingly, not quite sure how to address his once ex-girlfriend. One hand comes up to massage his throbbing temple. The ache has receded some but not by much. He needs those painkillers now.

Li Shi Yu gasps after getting a good look at him and is suddenly standing too close for comfort, fingers fluttering all across his face, neck and bloodied shirt as if she has the right. “What happened?” She fusses and takes out a handkerchief. Before she can try to do anything with it that will make Hao Ting obligated to be grateful— he doesn’t have the time or the patience— he stops her hand midway.

“You don't have to do that.” It’s the same dry tone he uses on everyone but family and friends. Her eyes widen a fraction at the arctic bite to his voice and he watches as she considers this side to him and changes her approach accordingly.

He doesn't give her any chance and nips any attempt to act cute in the bud. "Li Shi Yu."

She blinks innocently. But God, she had a manipulative streak and didn't really seem to care or notice it. Hao Ting has to set things straight here and now. He is a thousand percent sure of his feelings for Yu Xi Gu and he can't have her goals of having a trophy boyfriend bend over backwards to her charms interfering with his own plans to get his Xiao Xing back.

If she understood his feelings before after he'd broken up with her for a boy, Hao Ting has to trust that she will be as understanding as she had once been. And if she doesn't and takes offense, he's at least assured that she won't tattle about his sexuality, respecting his choices and knowing that it's none of her business. Li Shi Yu has never been the vindictive type.

Hao Ting couldn't care less about what people may think of him if it came out that he likes guys. His only issue is his parents finding out and refusing Yu Xi Gu in their home. He fully intends for his family to love and adore him as if he was their own before introducing him as the love of his life, and he can't see that happening if they find out about his inclinations and will scrutinize his every interaction with the male gender with extreme prejudice. Especially dad.

"This is not gonna work out between us." Hao Ting tells her in no uncertain terms. 

"What do you mean?" Li Shi Yu asks faintly and Hao Ting is grateful she at least doesn't look like she's about to cry. 

He looks around them, making sure there's no one near. He's never been ashamed of liking a guy. Never felt a modicrum of indecision where his feelings for Yu Xi Gu is concerned. But he knows he needs to act a part if Li Shi Yu has any hope of believing him. He can't appear flippant about technically coming out.

"I know I came off strong the other day." Li Shi Yu says. "But I really like you. If you could just give me a chance—" 

"I like guys Shi Yu." He cuts her off, tripping over the words with the right amount of hesitancy, sounding like he's afraid to admit it. He almost says he likes guys too, but he doesn't want the complication of her still trying to win him over if she knows that he finds both genders attractive. Yu Xi Gu is his true love, his Soulmate, The One, and nothing will ever change that. 

Her eyes widen like saucers at his confession, mouth opening to form words that don't come out until, "What?" 

Hao Ting buries his left hand in his pants pocket, grip on his bag tightening . "I like guys." He repeats, straightens his back and makes a lax gesture at the space between them. "So this is never going to happen. I'm sorry."

While she tries to process his words, Hao Ting doesn't waste time and excuses himself from the conversation without a backward glance.

* * *

"Dr. Jiang." Hao Ting calls out as soon as he's got the door to the clinic closed. Just like Shi Yu, it takes him by surprise to see a familiar face that he doesn't expect. Jiang Jin Tang or Jing Tan, he's not sure of his name, but he recalls him as the school doctor during his second year.

"Student Xiang." The flamboyant doctor greets him with a withering glare. He's not sure what he did to be subjected to such an expression but figures it has to do with simply existing. He was widely known on campus as the resident troublemaker. He might be somewhat popular with the student body because of his disregard for rules, but there was no love lost between him and any staff member belonging to the faculty.

He's going to have to do a lot of damage control and try to get into his teachers' good graces if he wants to be taken seriously. 

He's already made up his mind that he was going to be classmates with Xi Gu, and he guessed, Xia De as well, come third year. There are certain requirements to be in the elite class. Stellar grades mostly and exemplary behavior.

"What is it this time Xiang Hao Ting?" Sharp eyes laser focus on the area around his neck to the stain on his shirt. "Please tell me you didn't beat some poor student up?"

Hao Ting's eyebrows furrow. What was it with this bully reputation that the adults of this time always liked to pin on him? He's never actually beat someone up before and even with the incident with Xi Gu, he didn't ask any of his friends to make the move on him. All the posturing and threatening Hao Ting inevitably did was nothing but stupid peer pressure.

"I didn't." Hao Ting answers in a calm manner that he doesn't feel. He needs to find Xi Gu as soon as possible but he can't do that with the resident school doctor seemingly intent to waste his time.

"Then the blood?"

"I caught a ball to the face." He shrugs like it's an everyday thing. "The blood's from a nosebleed. I just need something for the pain and I'll be off."

The doubtful squinty look and suspicious pursed lips has Hao Ting breaking eye contact.

His gaze dart to the side where the sleeping beds are. The divider curtain covering the second mattress isn't pulled all the way and it reveals the lower half of a person lying there, long bony fingers curled around a blue fountain pen resting on a slender waist, in the same manner Xi Gu used to always do before— Hao Ting's bag drops from nerveless fingers. 

"Student Xiang." The voice sounds like it's coming from underwater. "Hey, what's wrong?" 

Yu Xi Gu. His beloved Little Star is a mere feet away and Hao Ting couldn't have stopped his knees from giving out on him if he tried. 

"Hey! Xiang Hao Ting!" He misses the hurried footsteps, the hand curling around his shaking shoulders, the palm pressing against his rabbiting heartbeat. "Hey, hey. Student Xiang. Breathe!! You're hyperventilating. Breathe!" 

Hao Ting tries to follow the command but completely unable to. Heat gathers in his eyes, a pained, miserable moan erupting out his throat because the sight of Xi Gu lying down, unconscious in his sleep, has brutally brought in a blast of images of his bleeding and broken body from that cursed day. And like clockwork, everything rational inside Hao Ting abandons ship, leaving him a ball of anxiety and mindless wailing lost in his heartbreak. Six years and the memory of Xi Gu's unmoving form in that intersection remained as vivid as the exact moment Hao Ting had his lifeless body cradled in his arms, begging him to open his eyes. 

* * *

Yu Xi Gu comes to awareness with a heavy sense of regret dragging him down like a physical weight. For a moment, he can’t figure out where and when he is. There’s a name at the tip of his tongue, like chasing echoes of a dream. He’s sure there had been a voice calling out for him in the darkness, begging him to stay, but no matter how much it broke his heart to hear their cries, to listen and open his eyes, tell them he’s fine, it was going to be alright, his body refused to move.

Staring at the ceiling, memories slowly fall in place like puzzle pieces. Right, he’s in the school infirmary. It was lunch time and as Xi Gu didn’t have anything packed, he opted for sleep instead, and Dr. Jiang had been kind enough to let him rest when he told him about not feeling well. He pulled overtime the night before, woke up late and didn’t have enough of a window to prepare his usual meager breakfast at the risk of missing first period.

He’s functioning on gallons of water and sheer bullheaded determination. At the back of his mind, Xi Gu understands that he can’t sustain this set up for long. He needs a new place of work with better pay and one that didn’t take so much out of him.

Groggily looking down at his watch, he sees that it’s a little past noon. That’s roughly twenty minutes worth of a nap. With nothing better to do, he decides to go to the library to start on the research assignment given to them that morning by Teacher Shen.

“Student Xiang. Please tell me if you have medicine with you.”

Dr. Jiang’s voice reaches his ears and only then is Xi Gu able to pay attention to the commotion that most assuredly disturbed his sleep before the set hour. He hears labored breathing, the unmistakable sound of crying. There's a choked out, "Please don't leave me." from a distinct male voice. Xi Gu doesn’t understand the sudden painful clenching in his heart upon hearing how _shattered_ the person sounds.

Something clatters on the floor. Xi Gu pulls the curtain back and sees the image of a beefy student curled in on himself, slumped against the wall beside the clinic's door, with Dr. Jiang on one knee before him, looking through the contents of the bag he’d just upended. There’s no mistaking it. The boy is the one crying.

Xi Gu is quick to put a name to the bed of dark-brown hair he sees. He’s been watching him since he’d read the boy’s name under his own from the midterm results a week ago. It’s Xiang Hao Ting, the student who placed second in the entire school out of nowhere, giving their teachers collective coronaries from the shock. He’s popular for his indifference to the rules, always getting the lowest mark out of everyone in his class. Until midterms. He was forced to retake the exam, with a new set of questionnaire and aced it with barely any effort.

He’s self-assured, quick to smile, and quicker to laugh and an absolute clown around his friends. He kind of reminds Xi Gu of a puppy. Xiang Hao Ting is confident in his skin like he’s used to getting what he wants that Xi Gu inevitably felt jealous at how easygoing he seemed to be. Something that Xi Gu couldn’t afford to be like. But right now, as he watches him cry and shake where he’s curled into a ball, looking nothing like the boy he’d been observing, Xi Gu feels gutted at seeing someone so spirited and carefree, appear so completely and utterly broken.

“Dr. Jiang.” Xi Gu finally finds his voice as he pulls himself upright. Dr. Jiang looks up and motions him to come over. After putting on his shoes, he approaches cautiously, not sure how he could be of any help, but wanting to help all the same. He slides next to the doctor, eyes trained on the boy. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Panic attack. A pretty bad one.” Dr. Jiang answers, groaning in frustration when he keeps going through the boy’s things and not finding what he is looking for. “I thought he’d have some medicine in his bag. He spiraled so fast. I don’t know what triggered it.”

Xi Gu knows a thing or two about panic attacks, mostly from when he’d been young and trying to come to terms with his parents’ deaths. It’s been a long time since he’s had one though. 

Xiang Hao Ting’s got his face buried under his arms, legs curled against his chest, low keening wails pouring out his throat as he rocks back and forth. He's a big guy and yet somehow, in that moment, he comes off as small, needing comfort and protection, that Xi Gu is surprised to realize he'd be more than ready to give if he was permitted. Hao Ting keeps repeating a name, and it doesn’t take Xi Gu long to put two and two together. Whoever this Xiao Xingxing was, they were important to Xiang Hao Ting. They’re also most likely no longer in this world.

This level of grief only comes from losing a loved one like Xi Gu lost his. Sudden. Without warning. Yanks the entire world from under your feet. The pain still so raw that it has to be recent. 

“Is he going to be alright?” Xi Gu asks, fingers curling and uncurling against the fabric of his school pants. It's strange, the urge to reach out and lay a hand on Xiang Hao Ting's arm, to pull him close so Xi Gu can whisper words of calming assurances against his ear.

"Panic attacks subside." Dr. Jiang explains as he stands. "At this point we'll just have to wait for him to either pass out or come out of—"

Xiang Hao Ting heaves out a rush of air, whole body trembling from the force of the action. The crying stops instantaneously and slowly, his tear-stained face appears from the cocoon of his folded arms. He stares right through Xi Gu, red-rimmed eyes unseeing, still lost somewhere in his memories until he seems to come back, blinking as if waking up from a nightmare.

Xi Gu has no explanation as to why he does it. He's not one for physical contact, never have been. But there is just something in the way the other boy looks so devastatingly lost and confused that squeezes at his heart.

"Xiang Hao Ting?" He calls out softly, gently like he would a wounded animal, fingers making the barest of contact against his forearm. Xi Gu tries for a small friendly smile and he watches as those eyes gradually come alive. "Hey."

"Yu Xi Gu." Xiang Hao Ting whispers his name like a prayer, thick voice full of an emotion that he can't quite place, making his heart flutter like a hummingbird's wings. Why does it feel like he's heard him utter his name that way before?

He didn't think Xiang Hao Ting knew him any more than he knew any of their teachers names. The thought of him knowing Xi Gu beyond being a passing acquaintance sends baffling though pleasant warmth to the pit of his stomach enough to overshadow the nagging ache of hunger. 

"Yeah. It's me." He says, friendly, assuring smile firmly in place. "How are you feeling?"

Xiang Hao Ting unlocks from his curled position and surges right into Xi Gu's space so fast that he can't do nothing else but accept the embrace. They collide against each other, Xiang Hao Ting's arms coming up to circle around his back as he pulls him close and against his chest. The feelings of _right_ and _safe_ and _finally_ that so suddenly floods every fiber of Xi Gu's being rips a startled gasp from his throat. 

Where are such feelings coming from?

Xiang Hao Ting is crying again, Xi Gu realizes, muttering his name over and over under his breath like a broken record. Xi Gu has no clue about what's going on, doesn't understand why Xiang Hao Ting is acting the way he is. But there is no denying the sense of belonging that he feels wrapped up in the boy's embrace, like it's where he's always meant to be. 

Xi Gu tentatively returns the hug, forgetting about Dr. Jiang altogether. He feels wetness pool around his eyes as soon as he allows himself to take a deep breath, to feel the soft press of lips against the side of his neck, fingers cradling the back of his head, and every point of contact on their bodies where they're touching. It's crazy, but there's almost a bizarre familiarity in the way they fit together.

He's never shed a tear for anyone other than his late parents. But somehow, having Xiang Hao Ting there, to be able to stroke soothing circles across his back, to be _seen_ and _held_ in return, no matter how absurd it sounds, it feels like Xi Gu has waited for this moment all his life, and the tears simply fall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the original timeline, Xi Gu's soul didn't move on. Couldn't. Unfinished business, that sort of thing. He's chosen to stay to watch over XHT than cross over. When Hao Ting gets thrown into the past, Xi Gu's spirit (soulmate energy YES!) basically was also pulled along, but he doesn't remember their first life like Hao Ting does mainly due to no longer being corporeal. He only has bits and pieces of familiar emotions but that's it.


	3. Familiarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaiiizzzz!! You're all so fantastic. Thank you so much for all the love and support and gosh, I am just floored and so grateful like you have no idea. 😭😭😭 So here's another chapter! Hopefully y'all enjoy this update and Happy New Year everyone!

"How long has this been happening?"

The grip on his hand tightens and Xi Gu barely keeps the wince from showing on his face. He's sitting beside Xiang Hao Ting on the bed as Dr. Jiang tries to coax a response from the silent boy whose skin still feels too cold and clammy and pale for Xi Gu's liking.

For all that it was only roughly thirty minutes ago that Xi Gu watched him play with his friends, head thrown back as he laughed, sharp eyes crinkling at the corners, Xi Gu can't find any trace of that bright and happy boy anymore. 

It's wrong, the way he appears so... desolate with his slumped shoulders and downturned face, hair falling over bloodshot eyes and holding on to Xi Gu as if he's the only thing keeping him together. Once again, Xi Gu is helpless against the strange surge of protectiveness gripping his heart, making him want to comfort the boy, to chase away the hurt.

They had a hard time of it, pulling Xiang Hao Ting off the floor, harder still to get him to release Xi Gu. He kept shaking his head, wetly gasping _no no no_ like he's terrified Xi Gu would disappear if he didn't hold him tight enough that he shook with the effort. Xi Gu was a lot confused and more than a little stunned even as he kept reassuring Xiang Hao Ting that he was not going anywhere. 

There's no reason, none at all that he can think of for Xiang Hao Ting to react that strongly to him. Before today, he'd never even shown any indication that he knew Xi Gu existed.

"How long have you had these attacks?" Dr. Jiang asks, tone grave. There's still no response forthcoming and he sighs wearily. "Student Xiang, please. I can't help you if you don't work with me."

Xi Gu squeezes his hand, softly calls out his name and _that_ finally gets them a reaction. Xiang Hao Ting lifts his head, stares at Xi Gu with anguish-filled eyes. Xi Gu's heart goes out to him, grimly reminded that someone he loved likely died recently. He understood that, empathized with the pain. But Xiang Hao Ting's reaction and seeming attachment to him doesn't make the slightest sense.

Xiang Hao Ting looks down, like he's only realizing that they've been holding hands since Xi Gu helped him settle on the bed. Xi Gu looks down as well, blinks, fascinated at how their interlocked fingers fit. He catches himself before he could give in to the sudden ridiculous urge to smile like an idiot. Xi Gu is almost a hundred percent sure he's experiencing delirium from not eating for nearly 24 hours.

"Dui buqi." Xiang Hao Ting apologizes, pausing as he undergoes some kind of internal battle. His fingers twitch and then he's pulling away from Xi Gu's hold, bringing both hands to his lap, dull gaze transfixed on his open palms, seeing something that only he can. Xi Gu stubbornly ignores the disappointed hurt that practically stabs him without warning.

"Are you feeling better now?" He can't help but ask anyway, hand brushing absently against the other boy's arm, concerned eyes fixed on him.

Xiang Hao Ting stares riveted at where they're touching. Xi Gu realizes what he's doing and abruptly stops. He shifts awkwardly, not quite knowing what to do with his hands. The gesture felt as easy as breathing as if he's done it a hundred times before. 

"I'm okay." Xiang Hao Ting exhales shakily then reaches up to wipe at his eyes. "I don't know what came over me." He sniffles, straightens and tilts his head to regard Dr. Jiang, after which he turns to Xi Gu, bowing lightly. "Thank you." he says, voice rough and near-whispers. "For being here. You helped a lot. I don't know how I would have... Thank you."

Xi Gu's never felt as wanted and needed as he does in that moment. He smiles, surprising himself for the umpteenth time of how easy and right it feels to be around the other boy. "Anytime, Xiang Hao Ting."

The unfairly attractive student— wait what?— bites his lower lip, Adam's apple bobbing and Xi Gu's breathing speeds up, nearly overcome with the need to... what exactly? He mentally shakes his head and forces his focus on Dr. Jiang's words instead.

Xiang Hao Ting remain unmoved by his questions. He's back to staring intently at the floor like it holds all the secrets of the universe. He's stalling, Xi Gu realizes, trying to avoid giving an answer.

People who suffer from such illness never want to disclose having it. It's like admitting defeat, a weakness that no one wants to acknowledge. Xi Gu knows. He's been there himself and it took half a decade of Aunt Yu signing him up for cognitive therapy sessions to get better.

"No. It's not the first time." Xiang Hao Ting finally replies, voice steady like he's come down to a decision. 

"Who else knows about your condition?" Dr. Jiang asks again, taking down notes.

"Right now. No one." He confesses. "My friends or my family don't know about my... episodes. And I don't want them to know if I can help it." He takes a breath and adds. "I don't want them to worry. It's the first time I got triggered here. I promise it won't happen again."

"Are you taking anything? Did a counselor help you out before with previous episodes?"

A shake of his head. "No."

"Then you can't really promise that this won't happen again, can you?"

A beat, then. "I guess not."

From his spot, Xi Gu can see how genuinely troubled Dr. Jiang has become. It must be jarring for him to see a student, especially one with the level of devil-may-care attitude that Xiang Hao Ting possesses, acting the exact opposite of his expected behavior. Book covers and all that.

"You do realize I am professionally obligated to tell your parents about this. It's not something I can keep under wraps, Xiang Hao Ting."

His eyes close, jaw ticking like he's trying to find his center, gather some composure. "Yeah. I figured." he replies eventually.

"Are you willing to seek professional help? I have a friend I can recommend." Dr. Jiang offers.

"Yeah. I'd— I'd like that." Xiang Hao Ting mutters. "Thank you." He adds gratefully. "I want to get better, Dr. Jiang."

The doctor looks to consider something. "If I may and it's absolutely up to you if you want to answer or not, but why didn't you seek help earlier?"

Xiang Hao Ting turns and fixes his gaze on Xi Gu. The anguished look from earlier has lessened. But there's something in his expression that makes heat burst across Xi Gu's cheeks, further exacerbated when Xiang Hao Ting's oddly familiar eyes start to deliberately travel up and down his body like he's committing him to memory. Xi Gu looks to the side, willing his suddenly racing heart to slow down.

What was that just now? Why is he getting so worked up by Xiang Hao Ting? Why does the other boy make him feel things that he's pretty sure he's never felt before?

"I lost someone." Xiang Hao Ting confirms what Xi Gu's been suspecting from the second he saw him sat wound tight by the clinic door.

Like a gravitational pull, he turns to look at the other boy, onyx eyes meeting dark brown. They stare at each other, as if they're the only two people in the room, in the world. Until Xiang Hao Ting's eyes shift toward his chest, raw pain flashing in his eyes for a moment. Xi Gu's almost certain that Xiang Hao Ting lost his precious person in a bloody and violent way.

"My world ended and I didn't see a point in getting better." Xiang Hao Ting's eyes dart back up, their gazes locking once more. With the light streaming in through the windows, he watches as Xiang Hao Ting's expression soften, lips curving upward. Xi Gu's wildly beating heart gradually settle as he bathes in the welcoming warmth of that smile. When Xiang Hao Ting speaks again, it sounds like a promise. "But I think I do now." 

* * *

After giving Hao Ting his painkillers, Dr. Jiang leaves him and Xi Gu on the bed and walks back to his desk to write up the referral note for his psychologist friend. He offered to excuse him from the afternoon classes but Hao Ting refused, citing how he didn't have plans to go back to slacking off in his studies. He said he made a promise and he was not the kind to go back on his word, surprising not only the good doctor but Xi Gu as well, if the widening of his large captivating eyes were any indication. 

Though his second year midterm exam results was originally achieved due to the bet he had with his sister and he had no problem going back to his troublemaking ways right after the fact, he has no intention of going down that path again. He already promised his Xi Gu, even before they graduated in that first life that he was going to take his studies seriously so they could have an amazing future together. A promise that didn't stop him from making Xi Gu's dreams reality even when he was no longer there to share it with. 

Xi Gu— his dear darling _breathing and living_ Xi Gu— is with him again and Hao Ting is not going to waste time with the carelessness of his youth. He's been given a second chance with his heart and he intends to make the most of it. Starting with making sure Xi Gu doesn't push himself too hard and is fed properly so he can focus on his studies.

He was the reason why Xi Gu lost his scholarship before and swears to never cause problems that could jeopardize his education and future again. 

With Dr. Jiang no longer in their midst, awkward silence fill the space between them. Nonetheless, Hao Ting is hopeful with Xi Gu still sitting across him on the same bed. He can only imagine what's going through that pretty head of his after everything that Hao Ting's done, from the moment he threw his arms around him, chanted his name and then held his hand like a lifeline. 

No doubt he has a lot of questions, but doesn't know where to start. Xi Gu hasn't come out of his shell yet, preferring to keep his words to himself, which works for Hao Ting, because how does he even begin to explain his situation?

His post-traumatic stress disorder didn't magically disappear with his trip to the past unfortunately. The illness is tied to his memories, experiences. It's going to take time. But more important than therapy, Xi Gu is with him now and Hao Ting is sure that over time he'll be able to conquer his neurosis and get better.

Xi Gu's fingers clench and unclench along the fabric of his school pants. Despite the years, everything about Xi Gu, from his mannerisms to subtle actions remain fresh in his heart. Forgetting him is impossible and so his ability to read his tells never went away.

"I should go." Xi Gu blurts out the same time Hao Ting's hand spring up to catch him by the wrist before he can rise from the bed and take his first step.

"Don't." Hao Ting hears himself say through the sudden pounding in his ears. Logically, he knows he can't keep Xi Gu with him 24/7, but now that he finally got to feel the warmth of his body, the gentleness of his hands and listened to the tenderness of his voice again, it terrifies Hao Ting to let him out of his sight. "Please, Yu Xi Gu." 

Xi Gu looks caught between wanting to run way or stay. Idly, Hao Ting wonders if this was how he would have treated him in that other life if only they didn't meet under such unfavorable circumstances. Would they have eventually become friends without all the drama that involved Li Shi Yu? Yu Xi Gu is friendly and kind to him, unlike before when he wanted nothing to do with Hao Ting and couldn't get rid of him fast enough. Then again, Xi Gu was never antagonized by him and his friends for an imagined fault. Instead, he'd seen Hao Ting in one of the lowest moments of his life and had comforted him through the pain and fear.

The narrative of their story is already vastly different than the first time around and it gives Hao Ting hope that the changes he's making would steer the course of their lives for the better. Specifically, a full and happy life together. Not separation nor death.

"Afternoon class will start in twenty minutes." Xi Gu says, reading the watch strapped to the wrist he doesn't have in his grasp. Hao Ting notices the erratic pulse and the slightest tremor from the soft skin beneath his fingertips and could almost slap himself, irked that he didn't notice sooner. 

"Have lunch with me." Hao Ting declares fervently, grip tightening. Not enough to hurt but simply to ensure Xi Gu can't easily shake him off. Hao Ting's thoughts race, recalling Xi Gu's aversion to being a burden, how he never liked it when he thought he was being pitied. 

"Xiang Hao Ting I can't—"

"Please. I.. I don't want to go out yet." Hao Ting outright begs and turns to Dr. Jiang to ask if they could eat inside. He gets a jaunt wave and a nod and shifts back to look at Xi Gu imploringly. "I have 2 lunchboxes." He continues, never been more grateful for his mother's knack for making an extra set. He'd checked his lunchbag before coming to the clinic. He couldn't believe his luck when he saw what's inside. Braised beef with Xi Gu's favorite carrots. 

"Mommy always make an extra for my friends but I can't face them yet and I don't have much of an appetite, and it's going to make her sad if she sees leftovers and I don't want to make her sad." He's rambling, like he did before, stressing out so much because Xi Gu wasn't paying him enough attention. The pain that usually accompanies the memory doesn't hurt as much now that he's sitting right in front of him. "Please Yu Xi Gu, you'll be doing me a huge favor really."

When Xi Gu still looks like he's going to say no, Hao Ting hastily reaches for his bag on the side table. He unzips it with one hand and takes out his lunchbag. He dearly hopes that the food inside won't look like an earthquake hit because of Dr. Jiang capsizing the contents of his bag without so much as a by your leave.

"Here." Hao Ting opens one lunchbox and gently pushes the container against Xi Gu's chest, grateful that it doesn't look as bad as he expected. Xi Gu's eyes close, licking chapped lips as soon as the food's aroma wafts in the air. Beads of sweat adorn his temples, looking like one strong wind from falling over. Xi Gu's stomach growls and Hao Ting pretends not to hear it, disappointed at himself for not paying attention as soon as he got his wits about him. "Help me finish this? I can't eat all of it."

Xi Gu's stiff posture slowly unfurl and he sinks back on the mattress, large eyes staring uncertainly at Hao Ting's expectant ones. "If you're sure." 

"I am. 100%. Most definitely sure!" Hao Ting says with a vigorous nod. Xi Gu's light chuckle and smile completely comes out of left field and Hao Ting can't decide whether to gush or melt or both upon hearing his melodious laughter. 

"You sounded and looked like your usual self just now." Xi Gu tells him as he takes the chopsticks Hao Ting hands over. He starts pushing the carrots to the side, saving the best for last as always, and gestures for him to also dig in. It's just so like Xi Gu to abandon all awkwardness once he decides on a course of action. "It makes you very handsome." Xi Gu says with a conspiratoral tilt to his lips and Hao Ting stares, air stolen from his lungs as he feels himself fall all the more inlove, if such a thing is even possible.

"Yu Xi Gu." Hao Ting breathes out, stunned at the compliment that dare he say sounded flirty?

Xi Gu's eyes widen comically like he's only realizing what he said, and regrets it, immensely. He looks down at his lunchbox like it's betrayed him then back at Hao Ting. "Did I say that out loud?"

Hao Ting nods and Xi Gu's ears and cheeks turn red. He looks ready to bolt and Hao Ting panics.

"You're very handsome too." He says, shouts more like, which earns him a reprimanding glare from Dr. Jiang at his desk. Hao Ting ducks his head, hand coming up to gesture an apology before goes back to face Xi Gu as he stares at him like he's grown a second head.

"It's true!" Hao Ting exclaims. "And very smart too. Top student in the entire school since Junior High. Genius level and very hardworking. You're here on scholarship and I heard what you're on has really strict requirements. The fact that you're able to keep your record spotless while working part-time too is nothing short of amazing. You don't have many friends because you're so focused on your studies and it's inspiring. Like, the rest of the students don't care much for school. I know I used to treat it like a joke. But you've always been single-mindedly passionate about your grades. That level of dedication is very admirable."

The chopsticks comes down as Hao Ting's mouth snap shut with an audible click. This doesn't look good. He sounded so much like a stalker just now. "How do you know so much about me?"

"Errr." Hao Ting looks up like a coward.

"Xiang Hao Ting." Xi Gu takes a breath, head tilted to the side inquiringly. Hao Ting tears his gaze away from the ceiling and chances a glance back at him. He looks rightly suspicious but there's anticipation there too. As if he's interested to what Hao Ting has to say. "Is there something you want to tell me?" 

There's so many things he wants to tell him, but short of getting shipped off to a mental facility if he tries to explain his behavior around Xi Gu, he can't really say much of anything that will make sense. 

Unless.

Hao Ting promised that he was not going to pester and harass Xi Gu about reciprocating his affections, that he'll keep his hands to himself— which he already failed spectacularly, though he's still not stealing first kisses so not a complete failure yet— but he never said anything about not letting Xi Gu know that he likes him. 

Xi Gu hasn't stopped staring, expecting an answer and finally, Hao Ting makes up his mind. He's in his teenage body confronted by feelings too great and massive for his young heart, and he's never been good with bottling up his emotions where Xi Gu is concerned. He dearly hopes that what he's about to say won't make Xi Gu run the opposite direction. He has to trust that as Xi Gu accepted his confession before after a couple months worth of relentless courting, no matter how long it takes this time, they will still both inevitably end up together.

"Actually I do." Hao Ting finally replies with all the courage he can muster. He pays no mind to the sound of the door opening and closing as he puts his lunchbox aside. He leans forward and slowly takes Xi Gu's slack grip in his hand. He strokes a thumb across his knuckles and with all the love he has in his still broken but recovering heart, Hao Ting confesses softly. "I really like you. I think I've liked you for a long time."

Hao Ting eases back from his position and lets Xi Gu's hand go. "You don't have to say anything. Just thought you should know." He says, trying to act as nonchalant as he can manage and takes back his lunchbox. He gestures at a frozen Xi Gu, smiling bashfully when his darling's eyelashes flutter, watches as the blush crawls down his pale delicate neck. "Finish your food, Xiao Yu."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xi Gu's romantic feelings for Hao Ting are there though he doesn't know it. Hao Ting had a lot of plans to make a good "first impression" and being a perfect gentleman. *snorts* You're a walking and living disaster-in-love next to your Xiao XingXing. Why you even bother boy. Lol. Aaah. More xianggu being dumbass saps next update. Xia De POV and Shao Yi Chen cameo? Maybe? 🤔


	4. Assumptions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Shao Yi Chen cameo yet in the chapter because it was going to be hella long if I included it.
> 
> God. You guys! I am just.. I am always floored everytime the story gets updated and the love just pours in. I appreciate it so much. 😭 And therefore, he's another early update. Hopefully it still is up to your liking. Enjoy!

**A few days later**

It's five minutes to one and Yu Xi Gu has yet to make an appearance. Xia De's been eyeballing the classroom clock for nearly half an hour. Yu Xi Gu is usually back a quarter before the start of the class. It's the reason why Xia De always made sure to already be in position by his table around 12:30— much to his brother's irritation— just so he could watch Yu Xi Gu walk in without looking like a creep. But he hasn't stuck to Xia De's expected schedule lately.

Xia De has admired Yu Xi Gu since 10th Grade. Not only did he consistently get the top marks in the entire school, but he also stood up against a senior, who thought it wise to bully an underclassman, all because his girlfriend kept praising Yu Xi Gu and it wounded his over-inflated ego.

Li Qiang, just like his name suggests was strong. All muscle, but no brain. He should have known that threatening, let alone hurting a student with Yu Xi Gu's grades was going to bite him in the ass. Especially when he left such obvious evidence on Yu Xi Gu's body.

ZenRen High has a very strict no violence policy and Li Qiang was a known hothead. What he did to Yu Xi Gu only made the decision final. After the senior's expulsion, Yu Xi Gu kept his distance from everyone, guarded and distrusting. Xia De could hardly blame him.

He had wanted to reach out to Yu Xi Gu, but couldn't risk becoming friends in the likely chance that he would make it into Hao Ting's radar. Though his good friend doesn't have a mean bone in his body, like Li Qiang, he's built like a linebacker and gave off the same asshole vibe.

Xiang Hao Ting and Yu Xi Gu couldn't be more different. Xi Gu was silent and studious while Hao Ting was a carefree loudmouth who found amusement in raising their teachers' blood pressure. Xia De already foresaw the arguments a mile away and the last thing he wanted to happen was Yu Xi Gu getting targeted by their posse if he inevitably gave Hao Ting a scolding.

Ge, A'Xiang and Xiao Chun are loyal to the core that it sometimes borders on a hive-mind.

Yu Xi Gu was there on a scholarship and couldn't afford any more conflicts. He's looking out for him by not introducing him to his friends.

Xia De sighs. Yu Xi Gu's been prone to dizzy spells since the stressful week of the midterm exams. Though he did look better the past couple of days, he still worries, and promptly imagines him passed out somewhere inside the school grounds. Heart jumping in place, he rises from his table and rushes to the entrance leading to the hallway when someone walks in.

It's Yu Xi Gu. 

The relief is immediate followed quickly by shocked surprise that causes him to slip. He braces himself against the sure collision, hoping that Yu Xi Gu doesn't get hurt with the impact. But then Hao Ting appears next to him, jumping in the space between them. He wraps his arms around Xi Gu protectively, his broad back catching Xia De square in the face.

"Ow." Xia De groans as he scrambles for balance, hand coming up to nurse his sore nose. "What— A'Hao?"

"Yu Xi Gu." Hao Ting gasps. Xia De looks up and finds his friend not at all listening to him. Xia De watches, eyebrows climbing up to his hairline as Hao Ting's hands move in a flurry all over Xi Gu's person like he's checking him for injuries. "Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?"

Yu Xi Gu shakes his head, a small smile gracing his otherwise stoic features. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Hao Ting clarifies, pressing his fingers around Xi Gu's shoulders, wide eyes blazing.

Wait. Xia De knows that look. It's what Hao Ting wears whenever they go to the game store and he gawks at the latest model of Switch on display, like he can't live a second longer apart from it until they had to drag him away kicking and screaming in embarrassment.

It's the same expression he's sporting now, multiplied by ten to the power of a hundred.

Xia De's eyebrows fly off to outer space with how high they've climbed. What's going on? When did Hao Ting even know Yu Xi Gu? Let alone act so familiar with him? And why is Yu Xi Gu, their resident ice prince, tolerating Xiang Hao Ting invading his personal space?

"Positive." Xi Gu assures, hand coming up to jerkily pat him on the shoulder. Is he blushing? That's definitely a faint dusting of pink across his sharp cheekbones. Xia De's mouth fall agape, unable to process the scene that's unfolding right before his eyes. 

Xiang Hao Ting's expression soften and then he's rubbing the jacket-clad arms of Xia De's crush in this really affectionate way, smiling like Yu Xi Gu gave his life meaning and something just clicks. Xia De's eyes nearly bug out of their sockets at the realization.

Two weeks before midterms, Hao Ting begged to borrow his study notes. They're from different sections, but they're the same year and the teachers taught the same syllabus. Xia De had been pleased by the sudden interest Hao Ting was showing in his studies. When asked why he was doing it, Hao Ting simply shrugged, muttered _Meimei_ and went back to reading. But then they saw him talking to a pretty girl a few days back by the cafeteria whose last name is the only thing Xia De remembers.

Student Li had been standing too close and she kept touching Hao Ting as he stood in place like he didn't know what to do with himself. They all came to the collective agreement that Hao Ting had wanted to impress the girl that's why he studied so hard and got the second spot.

It made sense.

But what if they read it all wrong? Not the reason itself, but as to who he was trying to impress? He recalls the times he's seen Hao Ting run errands for the teachers recently, the way his brothers grumbled and complained about him always studying, how he didn't play with them anymore, always making some excuse of how he needed to do something much more important than seeing their faces at the end of the school day.

"A'De, where are you running off to? You almost knocked my Xiao Yu over."

_My Xiao Yu?_

Xia De's half convinced he entered an alternate reality without realizing it. He looks at his friend incredulously, catching sight of the rest of the class at the corner of his eye and sees them watching like hawks. He can already imagine the gossip train that will come out of this.

"Xiang Hao Ting, I told you I'm fine." Xi Gu scolds but he says it in a tone that doesn't even come close to how Xia De imagined. It's soft and laced with not exactly affection, but something close to it. "It wasn't a big deal. I'm okay. I'm not hurt."

"A'Hao, what are you doing here?" Xia De's question goes unanswered. Hao Ting's apparently done talking to him.

Hao Ting sighs. "I can't help that I'm worried. You're always so immersed in your study notes that you could easily walk into a wall. " he says with a frown and a pout. When Xi Gu levels him an unimpressed stare, he caves and smiles sheepishly. "I'm being annoying am I? Do you want me to shut up? I can shut up."

"You're fine." Xi Gu looks down at his watch. "I don't mind." He says and there's that bashful smile again and Xia De wants to shake Hao Ting and demand all the details. "It's almost time and you still have to run to your class. I told you I was okay on my own. You wanted to continue taking your studies seriously, right? Being late is not sending your teachers the message you want them to receive."

"I know. I know." Hao Ting acquiesces. "But I wanted to walk you back now that you finally let me!" He leans in close, cheeks dimpling and whispers, low enough for the two— well, three of them to hear. "I told you didn't I? I want to take care of you. Seeing you happy and healthy makes me happy. I like you a lot."

Xia De swallows wrong and chokes. 

"Hao Ting, stop fooling around." Yu Xi Gu hisses under his breath, large doe-like eyes looking about him as if to make sure no one heard.

"I'm not fooling around. I'm very serious." Hao Ting counters in a somber tone, voice a low register that makes him sound older and more mature than his age of sixteen suggests that it catches Xia De off guard.

Xi Gu's gaze dart toward Xia De and as soon as their eyes meet, he freezes. Noticing Xi Gu tense up, Hao Ting turns and blinks at him like he completely forgot he existed, too focused as he was making goo-goo eyes at Yu Xi Gu. 

He's about to wave at his friend, but that's when their Chemistry professor arrives and outright gives Hao Ting the stink eye, demanding to know what mischief he's up to now. Xia De expects an eyeroll, a blatant dismissal, but Hao Ting straightens and bows respectfully instead.

"Good afternoon, Miss Kang." He greets and Xia De feels as confused as the teacher looks until he realizes he's seeing Hao Ting's "good student" persona up close.

She nods her head, puzzled frown creasing her forehead, while Yu Xi Gu smiles like a proud parent. "Good afternoon Student Xiang. What are you doing all the way here?" Hao Ting gestures at Yu Xi Gu like his presence explains everything. Xia De realizes that it probably does.

"Thank you for your hard work Teacher. Jiayou!" Hao Ting cheers and then fixes his gaze back to Yu Xi Gu, completely missing the professor's reaction. He hands Yu Xi Gu his juice bottle and says fondly. "Don't forget to drink the vitamins Dr. Jiang gave. I'll fetch you after class and we'll go home together, okay?"

Yu Xi Gu regards him like he's protested multiple times until he couldn't take it anymore and he gave in to the pathetic begging. Hao Ting reaches over to pat his hair which makes the shorter boy resemble an admittedly adorable grumpy cat. "You don't have to do that you know."

"I want to anyway." Hao Ting says with simple directness, like walking Yu Xi Gu home is a fact of the known universe. "And you said I could!"

After getting a reluctant nod in return, Hao Ting grins, eyes crinkling in satisfaction. He turns and clamps a hand on Xia De's shoulder, asking him to look after Yu Xi Gu while he's not around as if he naturally expected it of him. Then he bows at the teacher again, excusing himself like a normal human being.

"Xiao Yu, bye-bye." Hao Ting calls out with a wave and practically bounces away towards the direction of his homeroom.

When Xia De manages to mentally shake himself free, Xi Gu's already walking towards his seat with everyone's eyes trained on him. Not that Xi Gu notices, occupied as he is smiling down at the juice bottle in his hand. He looks happy and Hao Ting put that expression there.

Xia De pretends that the tightening he feels in his chest isn't jealousy. 

So it seems like, Hao Ting beat him in making a move on Xi Gu and his affections aren't entirely unwelcome. But, when did Hao Ting even begin liking guys? For all the time he's known him, he's only been with girls. The gang did say he hit his head at basketball last week, but he doubts it has any relevance to how he behaved around Yu Xi Gu. Going by their words, it sounded like they've known each other for a while now.

"Xia De, what was all that about?" The classmate sitting closest to him whispers as soon as he's near his table. He shrugs and sits on his chair without another word. He glances at Xi Gu like he always does, admiring in silence as their spooked teacher begins roll call.

Who Yu Xi Gu or Xiang Hao Ting likes is none of his business. But if the two people he cares about are going to be involved with each other, then he can't keep sitting quietly by the sidelines. He might like Yu Xi Gu, but Hao Ting is his sworn brother and no matter what happens he's got his back. Also, Xia De doesn't think he's seen Hao Ting ever care for any of his past relationships like he does Yu Xi Gu.

If he went through all that trouble of studying, completely outside of his comfort zone, just to impress a person he seems to genuine like, then Xia De's got his full support. And if Hao Ting really does care for Yu Xi Gu— it's so painfully obvious just how much— then he can finally be at ease. He'd worried about Hao Ting and Yu Xi Gu crossing paths and butting heads. But his concerns are unfounded. Hao Ting had looked at Yu Xi Gu like he was his very reason to breathe. He didn't think his brother capable of such an emotion. And yet there he was.

He's not getting over his crush anytime soon. But Xia De can say with confidence that he's happy and wish them all the luck in the world.

* * *

That day at the infirmary, Hao Ting had planned to be friends first, to make a good lasting impression, but instead, he'd confessed his feelings not even an hour after getting thrown into the past, all because he went into a rant, recounting all the ways he loved his Xiao Xing. 

Xi Gu had asked why he knew so much about his life, from the scholarship, to the part-time job and the truth came tumbling out of his mouth. It was either that or have Xi Gu think him a stalker that had nefarious designs on his person.

For all that Hao Ting did not want to come off as stalkerish, he's been doing a fantastic job of acting like it. Honestly, he's not even surprised. He could make all the promises and rationalizations in his head but the fact of the matter was, he couldn't pretend not to crave Yu Xi Gu's touch, long to hear his voice, yearn to see his smile, even his grumpy little glares. He missed him so damned much and anything and everything inside Hao Ting revolted viciously against the thought of keeping things strictly platonic no matter how temporarily. 

He's not pressuring Xi Gu to "hurry up and like me" this time, but he's going to court and woo his _baobei_ in all the ways he knew how without being a borderline dick about it all the same. 

He's already off to a good start. Xi Gu had flat out said he didn't like guys when Hao Ting had confessed in that first life, but it's like it didn't even occur to Xi Gu to protest this time. He'd blushed so prettily, accepted his offer and they had spent the rest of their lunch together in companionable silence.

Dr. Jiang then handed him the psychologist referral. As Hao Ting said his thanks, he had spotted a bottle of multivitamins and he asked for some and was given a week's worth of supply which he'd handed to Yu Xi Gu straightaway.

He loves Xi Gu with every fiber of his being and what naturally comes with that love is the need to see him flush with health so he's also been making sure that he always has a meal ready for him during lunch bre ak. Cafeteria food is not cutting his standards however, so he's made up his mind to start cooking again.

Hao Ting has always carried a constant worry over inadvertently hurting Xi Gu. He's a big guy and he used to be easily excitable, overly affectionate and had the tendency to pounce on his Xiao Xing that sometimes resulted in bruises. Xi Gu never blamed him and even understood his motherhenning, even charmed by it. Xi Gu was actually starting to gain some weight when they moved in together, but then that day happened and he saw him motionless in that intersection, bloodied and—

"Xiang Hao Ting?" Something jostles his arm and Hao Ting blinks, gaze finding focus and sees Xi Gu on his desk, pen in hand and looking up at him worriedly. His jaw clench as he shakes off the painful memories of the past. "You okay? You spaced out."

"I'm fine." Hao Ting smiles, bringing a hand up to hastily wipe at his eyes. _Xi Gu's alive. He's okay. He's here. I haven't lost him yet. I won't ever lose him._ "Are you almost done?"

"I'm still halfway done. I told you, you don't have to wait for me. You can go home first."

Hao Ting looks around the empty classroom. There'd been a lot of whispers and laser eyes following him and Xi Gu from earlier. He even heard Xia De ward off Sun Bo, A'En and Xiao Gao Chun from coming inside to demand answers. His phone had been vibrating multiple times since then and he'd studiously ignored their messages. He did send a text to Mommy, letting her know that he might be coming home late because he was studying with his new friend. He also might have bragged that his new friend was the top student of the entire school.

He shakes his head, squats down and rests both elbows on the desk, blinking up at Xi Gu innocently. "I'm waiting until you're finished and will walk you home. It's getting late. I don't like you in the dark alone. And a promise is a promise Xiao Yu. You can't take back what you said."

Yu Xi Gu averts his eyes to the side but Hao Ting can clearly see the small smile threatening to escape his lips. He got caught following him home last night and Hao Ting had fallen on his knees, begging Xi Gu not to call the police on him. Xi Gu somehow found him amusing and quickly assured him it was fine and had told him that he didn't have to follow him home in secret anymore. That they can leave school together if Hao Ting wants it.

Xi Gu eventually turns back to him. He looks like he's about to say something but he gets distracted and stares, gaze fixed on his forehead. Hao Ting tilts his head, questioning.

"Your hair looks really soft." Xi Gu praises and then he's reaching out to tentatively rake his fingers through Hao Ting's dark-brown strands before he could say anything. He shivers helplessly against the sensation of those sorely missed fingers pulling gently at his hair. Hao Ting lets out a shaky whimper at yet another pull. Xi Gu used to do this, knowing full well how much it affects him.

Xi Gu kneads his scalp mesmerized, watching Hao Ting through curious half-lidded eyes like he knows exactly what he's doing.

"Why do you feel so familiar?"

Hao Ting's eyes fall shut and he misses Xi Gu's near-silent words. There's another gentle tug. A soft "Hao Ting?" then warm breath fanning his cheek and his eyes fly open with a startled gasp when the pressure down south his anatomy practically stabs him breathless.

Hao Ting leaps to his feet, bag going straight to cover his crotch as he hurriedly sits back down on the chair. He swallows through an increasingly dry mouth. He hasn't felt any stirrings of desire for nearly seven years. That part of him died with his Yu Xi Gu. And yet now. Now.

"Xiang Hao Ting? What's wrong? You're looking a little red. Are you okay?" Xi Gu asks and leans forward, piercing him with worried eyes, the back of his hand connecting with his forehead. "You don't have a fever." He says after a beat. "You feel fine."

"I'm okay. I'm not getting sick. I just... remembered something." Hao Ting hastily assures, chuckling nervously even as he wills the evidence of his hormonal teenage youth to go the fuck down. It's also probably best to not have Xi Gu's hands anywhere near his hair while he's courting him. Hao Ting's going to be a walking disaster if he did. "Focus on what you're writing. I'm going to start on my homework too." 

Xi Gu stares, like he doesn't believe him but decides to let it drop for the sake of Hao Ting showing interest in doing homework. He nods and goes back to taking down notes.

Heaving out a relieved sigh, Hao Ting stubbornly ignores the problem in his pants and takes out a pen, a book and a notebook respectively. Ten minutes pass and Hao Ting is so grateful that this hormones have finally calmed down. He's writing down the finishing essay on the second homework when he recalls his text to his mother. He puts down his pen and fishes out his phone to check for replies. 

He has five missed calls from his friends and twelve unread messages. Hao Ting skips them all and clicks on his Mommy's text.

_Mommy <3: Oh my! Top student? Is that why you got the second highest ranking? Have you boys been studying together for the midterms? I told your Papa and he said he wants to meet this friend. Why don't you invite him for dinner?_

Hao Ting reads his mother's message with a satisfied grin. He'd thought about it long and hard as to how he should introduce Yu Xi Gu to his parents. It occurred to him that during this time, because of the midterm exam results, his father had been downright nice, kept complimenting and encouraging him to keep up the good work which he of course didn't do the first time around. 

God, he'd been such a brat. No wonder Papa never took him seriously. He actually liked Xi Gu better all things considered. With his great manners and excellent grades. Hao Ting's going to take full advantage of his father's good mood and build Xi Gu so high up in his family's regard they won't even blink when Hao Ting finally tells them about his romantic intentions. 

_Thank you mommy! Yes, he's my friend. I got the second spot because he helped me with studying. He's very hardworking and he's on a scholarship and just really amazing. You'll love him. I'll ask him if he can make time for dinner and I'll let you know if he says yes. I love you!_

Hao Ting pockets the phone and turns to Yu Xi Gu, happiness and excitement circulating around his heart. "Xiao Yu."

Yu Xi Gu glances at him and it makes Hao Ting ridiculously giddy how Xi Gu accepted the endearment without any fuss.

"What is it?" He doesn't stop scribbling as he references the pages of his opened book. Gradually, he notices the non-reply and turns to him. Xi Gu's eyebrows furrow in suspicion and Hao Ting realizes it might be due to the smile that's stretched wide across his cheeks. "Whats with that look?"

Hao Ting doesn't beat around the bush. He takes Xi Gu's hand and tells him eagerly. "My parents want to have you over for dinner."

Yu Xi Gu blinks, completely stumped. "What?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetad so any mistakes are my own. Next chapter will be Shao Yi Chen cameo. Xianggu dinner with Xiang family? Maybe? 😁 And the gang being nosy but supportive asses.
> 
> Question: Is it moving too fast? Dx
> 
> While everyone else calls Yu Xi Gu his name or Xiao Gu, Hao Ting keeps calling him 小玉 (xiǎo yù) meaning "jade, jewel, precious gem (because he's a romantic dumbass sap like that) instead of 小于 (xiǎo yú) his actual last name. It's a play on the word as well as his endearment to his baby. ❤️


	5. Family Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am beat pulling double-shifts and I am ready to wring my boss' neck.  
> Anyway, here's another chapter. I don't think I've edited it as much as I would have preferred because of the time constraint but I hope it's still to your liking. If you still see mistakes and mispellings, I'll be sure to get to that later.
> 
> Also, as I can't clearly stick to scenes that I want put in a certain chapter because of my damned way of writing (all the narratives and POVs ugh) I should just not say anything. LOL.

His parents had been in an event when he packed his bags and left behind a crying little sister who he could tell knew what he planned on his trek to the Himalayas. He should feel guilt for what he did, but as his death brought him back to Yu Xi Gu, there's no room for remorse in his soul. If he were to do it again, he won't think twice of committing to the same decision.

For the past six or so years, his sole reason for existing was to achieve Xi Gu's dreams. Making his parents proud of his achievements was simply a natural side-effect that he didn't really care much for. He excelled in everything he did because Xi Gu would be naturally brilliant in everything he did. Xiang Hao Ting refused to be a poor instrument for his beloved's goals and aspirations. Wouldn't settle for anything but the best. And so he barely gave himself a moment's worth of rest, absorbing knowledge like a sponge at alarming speed.

The nonstop studying helped with the symptoms that felt like an ever present companion beneath his skin. Kept the worst of the attacks desperately at bay. But there were times when the loss would inevitably hit like a supernova, tearing open wounds that never healed. He'd spiral, black out, go missing for days. Losing time, losing himself.

He's lost count of the times he'd woken up in the hospital, aching all over, the physical pain never really lessening the agony in his heart. He'd have scratches, bruises, lacerations, nothing but hazy bits and pieces of memories with family crying and begging him to stop scaring them so much. The doctors always said he was lucky, that he could have easily walked into traffic during his blackouts. More than one nurse joked that he had a guardian angel watching over him.

He'd wished it was true, had begged Xi Gu to show him some kind of sign if he was really there. But there never was. He was only deluding himself. He'd marginally recover then go back to drowning in research material. Spiral again. Rinse. Repeat.

It was after the third year anniversary of Xi Gu's death that he tried to move on after a health scare from his father. Xiang Hao Ting did what he could, he truly did, no matter how difficult. He looked better outside. He no longer crumpled down every few hours, learned the art of dead-eyed stares, then his father introduced him to a family friend's daughter.

Phoebe was two years his senior and aspired to be an Astrophysicist like he did. She already had the love of her life. A girl named Su Jin, who she had every intention of marrying after getting her PhD and then permanently stay in California. He'd gotten into Stanford all on his own, but they made it seem like she had a hand in the acceptance. Made the relationship more believable. Until she got married, he was fine with being her pretend boyfriend.

And then he met the sibling that Yu Xi Gu never knew existed. Or maybe he did, but had been too young to remember that he had a little brother, still a baby when they lost their parents, that his aunt had given up for adoption because of her incapacity to provide for them both. Another loved one that was stolen from Xi Gu by cruel fate and circumstance.

Zhu Ji Wei spent the majority of his life in Hongkong until his adoptive parents decided to relocate in Taiwan back in 2022. He's a bright kid, playful, though too obsessed with video games even as a college student with his head constantly lost in daydreams. He always made Xiang Hao Ting bitterly think of the time Xi Gu had cried, wondering how he would have turned out if he didn't lose his parents at such a young age. Xi Gu could have been like Zhu Ji Wei, happy and carefree. Alive.

Meeting and mentoring him had been a good thing, a respite from the endless cycle of torture. But the longer they were together, with Zhu Ji Wei looking so much like the love of his life but behaved and sounded nothing like him, the pain and longing only kept getting worse and worse.

He was a daily excruciating reminder of what Xiang Hao Ting lost and never will have again.

He bid Zhu Ji Wei his goodbyes, something that he was never able to do for Yu Xi Gu. He remembers that day vividly, when Zhu Ji Wei had smiled opposite him in the cafe, and he'd decided on the same path that he took those first few months after Xi Gu's death. Only this time, he wouldn't be anywhere near where his family could walk in on him as he bled out on the bathroom floors.

He was done, and it was that mindset that finally gave him the courage to open Xi Gu's box and set the course for their reunion.

He didn't fear death. He'd been ready for it from the very first breath he took after Xi Gu took his last in that intersection. Sure that death was the only way they could be together again. Time travel had always been just a theory. Never an option.

And yet here he was, in his second year of high school, walking beside Yu Xi Gu towards the house containing the past versions of his family.

As much as he would like to pretend that he doesn't feel any leftover resentment from that other life, he'd be lying. Mother understood at first, same with Yong Ching, but they eventually resorted to blaming Xi Gu's memory for his inability to _get a grip_ , to let _bygones be bygone_ s. As if it was that easy to forget. As if it didn't kill him everyday not to have him near.

Even brother Zhi Gang who loved Xi Gu like a little brother gradually came to accept his death. Gone were the nights they'd both fall asleep crying on his couch, talk into the late hours, painfully reminiscing, growing closer over their mutual loss. But Zhi Gang-Ge had Sun Bo to worry about too and Xiang Hao Ting couldn't keep monopolizing his brother's lover's time. It was not fair to either of them.

Xiang Hao Ting knew that his father had been relieved by Xi Gu's passing, thinking it an easy solution to his problems. And for that, they've never really met each other eye to eye anymore. Their interactions have been curt and forced ever since. Between the health scare and the introduction of Phoebe to the family, Xiang Hao Ting had been too listless to engage in futile verbal arguments.

He's used to ignoring his father when they're in the same space, making only the barest of exchanges which was how the past few days played out, with him citing how he didn't feel good and had spent majority of his time inside his room, even on the weekend.

He didn't think he'd have to fake being happy to see his father, to look at his face and pretend it still doesn't sting that he never accepted Yu Xi Gu as someone he loved. That up until the very end, he'd denied that Xiang Hao Ting was _that_ kind of a person. One who could love a boy and behave like it's normal. It's going to be difficult being around his family and act like his teenage self.

But no amount of discomfort will stop Xiang Hao Ting from carrying out his plans. Everything that he's doing now, everything he'll ever do is for his and Yu Xi Gu's future together. He's been given a chance to set things right and he's not going to let his issues get in the way and ruin that.

* * *

Yu Xi Gu didn't know what possessed him to say yes to the dinner invitation. Or maybe that wasn't entirely true. Despite the terror hitting him like a freight train, especially at the thought of meeting Xiang Hao Ting's father— and he couldn't fathom where such fear was coming from— Xiang Hao Ting had looked so eager sitting across him and he didn't have the heart to say no. Just like the other confusing emotions that had bombarded his body since knowing the other boy, Xi Gu found that he simply wanted to see him happy, to be the cause of the smile lighting up his face.

"Xiao Yu."

"Mhm?" Xi Gu hums, only half-listening through the anxiety ricocheting his insides. There's a soft touch on his hair and he glances up at Xiang Hao Ting whose gazing down at him with such fond eyes. He smiles sheepishly, even as he wonders yet again what he did to deserve such tender regard from the other boy. "Sorry. What were you saying?"

"We're here." Xiang Hao Ting repeats, and it's only then Xi Gu notices the entrance leading to a two-story house. The fingers in his hair drift down his shoulder to his elbow then his forearm until they intertwine with his own. "Xiao Yu, are you sure about this?"

His heart is still beating like a drum. Many times Xi Gu wanted to turn tail and run, but he already said yes, and he didn't want to come off as rude if he cancelled at the last minute. Strange as it is, he cares what Xiang Hao Ting's parents will think of him and it's important to make a good impression. Somehow it feels personal that he get their approval. For what, he's not sure, but he wants it anyway.

Inhale. Exhale. He can do this. He squeezes the hand holding his own. Its another thing that he should not have easily adjusted to but was helpless against how right and natural it felt. He smiles reassuringly, or at least tries to. "It's okay. I'm sure."

Facing him, Xiang Hao Ting's other hand come up to rest on the spot where his neck and shoulder meet, concerned eyes peering into his face. "I'm not making you uncomfortable, am I? You didn't have to say yes. The last thing I wanted to do was to pressure you."

Xi Gu knows himself well enough that up until Xiang Hao Ting confessed his affections, he hasn't really had the time to examine his desires outside his driving force of ensuring a bright future for himself. Making friends, having crushes, falling inlove, and all the normal things teenagers are supposed to experience, he's never given a second thought, too preoccupied in his studies and making ends meet.

But then Xiang Hao Ting's name appeared under his on the exam results and for the first time Xi Gu's attention was captured by something else that didn't involve lecture notes or books. Xiang Hao Ting is unreal. He's kind, protective, thoughtful and sweet. Smart too. He's perfect really, that he sometimes fears that this is all just an elaborate prank. It wouldn't be the first time someone targeted him for their misconceptions that Xi Gu thought he was above everyone else. He knows he comes off as snobbish, stuck-up, arrogant all because he had a different set of priorities from the regular student. He's not exactly likable. So what could someone like Xiang Hao Ting possibly have seen in him?

But then he remembers the way Xiang Hao Ting uttered his name in the clinic, how his arms felt around him, the way he always seem to brighten whenever they are together since then, and the way he looks at him like he's the most important person in the room. Plus there's his obsession to get Xi Gu fed, always leaving food on his table with a simple note to enjoy the meal riddled with heart-shaped doodles. He thinks of all these things and the doubt melts away.

 _I really like you. I think I liked you for a long time._ Xiang Hao Ting had declared and Xi Gu believed him.

It shouldn't be this easy to trust someone and yet.

"Xiao Yu?" Xiang Hao Ting waves a hand and Xi Gu realizes he's been staring at the other boy's lips.

He blinks, cheeks burning, struggling to recall what they've been talking about. "I'm alright. It's just dinner and I'm sure your parents don't bite."

"Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that." Xiang Hao Ting says amused, a teasing smile curving his full pink lips and Xi Gu's eyes laser-focuses on the movement without full consent from his brain. "It's the first time I ever aced anything, let alone make it to the second highest rank in the entire school. Papa was this close to ostracizing me from the family actually. Mommy's ecstatic to meet the one who literally saved me from getting disowned. And you my dear Xiao Yu, made this previously thought of impossibility possible."

It doesn't happen often and maybe that's why he missed it, but there's a maturity in the way the other boy sometimes delivers his words.

Wait. What did he mean by it was because of Xi Gu that he made the second ranking?

Xi Gu's throat work, wide gaze meeting Xiang Hao Ting's dark-brown ones and asks haltingly. "What exactly did you tell your parents about me?"

* * *

Yong Ching's been watching her big brother and the top student, Yu Xi Gu interact for all of twenty minutes at the dinner table since arriving and can already tell that there's something fishy going on with those two. Call it sister's intuition but Gege's never this _tender_ to any of his friends.

She had the unfortunate experience of seeing his little gang roughhouse in the living room once and she'd accidentally seen someone's Spongebob Squarepant's underwear. An incident traumatizing enough that up to this day she continues to wish for the invention of brain bleach.

Xiang Hao Ting fools around, tackles, pounces. One time he literally put her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and ran around the house while she screamed bloody murder. He's the typical annoying big brother, but his better qualities, his sweetness, his gentle heart and protective streak is usually confined within the safety of siblinghood. But even then, he's never been this careful and considerate around her.

What is it about Yu Xi Gu that has her brother looking at him as if he invented Switch and gave him a play-until-you-drop pass?

"Seven hundred?" Mommy gasps and Yong Ching tears her gaze away from her brother to focus on her mother. "Isn't that like the perfect score?"

Daddy looks impressed, not that Yong Ching can blame him. Yu Xi Gu is in school for one of the hardest scholarships to attain in the city. It's not an easy feat. Daddy seems ready to exchange her brother for Yu Xi Gu and ship off Xiang Hao Ting to Mainland. Or at least make some arrangement for Yu Xi Gu to be a permanent fixture in their life if it means his son has a chance of being even half as hardworking as he is.

"Mhm! Told you he's amazing! It's not just that either. He gets perfect scores in the regular exams too. He's very studious and diligent. A genuine rare bookworm that only appears once in a millennia." Xiang Hao Ting gushes in a way that reminds Yong Ching of her bestfriend whenever her crush passed by and waved hello. Like she couldn't quite contain herself and had to make these tinny-sharp noises like a baby seal.

That's a strange comparison to make. She shrugs and lets the thought slide, eyes darting back to Yu Xi Gu.

He's shaking his head, eyes just downright begging Gege to please stop embarrassing him in front of his parents that has her giggling into her chopsticks. Xiang Hao Ting returns the stare and it's like he realizes the error of his ways and he ducks his head, turning to the rest of them and muttering his apologies.

Now why does it feel like he's seen Mommy and Daddy interact like that in the exact same manner?

"Aiya, it's alright. I'm actually very happy that you two seem to get along well. We're very grateful for your patience in dealing with our son's antics Student Yu. I know how much trouble he can be at times." Mommy says, looking to Daddy who nods his head in agreement and smiles amiably.

Yu Xi Gu waves both hands in front of his chest as he hastily swallows his food. "It's no trouble at all Auntie. And Xiang Hao Ting has been anything but trouble. Your son is smart. Just needs a bit of guidance. He put in the effort for midterms and he excelled. That's natural talent."

Mommy listens, so obviously charmed by his manners then turns to regard her son sagely. "Xiang Hao Ting?"

"Yes, mommy?"

She smiles and winks conspiratorially as if they aren't all gathered around the table anyway. "I like this one." she states, voice honey warm, then with a hint of alarm, she adds, "Please tell me you're going to stay friends even after midterms?"

Xiang Hao Ting beams. "Of course! Why else did you think I mentioned him in the first place?" he says then proceeds to put more food into Yu Xi Gu's plate like a caring housewife. "Some of my teachers actually smile at me now after the exams and I find I preferred it from all the withering glares. Xi Gu can help me focus on my studies. He's rarely distracted and very strict when it comes to reviewing. Very low chance to let my thoughts wander. Heh. Oh Pa! You said I could ask you for something as a reward for getting the second rank. I don't think I did yet."

"Oh? What did you want?" Daddy asks with an expectant smile. Yong Ching eyerolls, certain that her brother would just ask for more video games.

"Can Yu Xi Gu come live with us?" Xiang Hao Ting asks excitedly and poor Student Yu chokes on the broccoli he's been nibbling.

Mommy and Daddy share a stupefied look. That was definitely not something they expected to hear from their son. Like Yong Ching, they were probably resigned to hearing Xiang Hao Ting demand more video games or at least a bike or a new basketball. Anything but this.

"No, I know those faces. Hear me out, okay?" Xiang Hao Ting says while carefully patting Xi Gu on the back. "Properly chew your food, Xiao Yu."

Yu Xi Gu manages to recover after drinking the glass of water that her brother hands him. "Xiang Hao Ting, what are you doing?"

"You live alone and it's hard to pay rent. I need a tutor and we have a spare room." Xiang Hao Ting says matter-of-factly, then addresses his parents. "Yu Xi Gu can tutor me. We're the same year. If I have any hope of getting accepted to the elite class by third year," Yong Ching's eyes bug out, probably as wide as her parents just did. "I need to have top marks moving forward. Maybe ask for special assignments. All the good academic stuff. I can start on some AP classes. But I'll need easy access to my— err, studying resource. Xi Gu lives too far from here and that's wasted time. It'd be more practical to have him live with us."

There's only defeaning silence until, "I don't know. That seems very out of the blue son." Daddy says, hands clasping together on the table though his expression is considering.

Xiang Hao Ting leans forward in his chair, mirroring their father's position, smiles winningly. "I'm not saying he move in right this instant. Of course you'll need to think about the proposition. I don't expect you to make the decision now. You weigh the pros and cons. Run possible scenarios. Reflect on any theories you have that you think could potentially make this a bad idea. Then get back to me okay? You too Mommy! But I know I'm right. I already did the math."

Good Lord, has her brother been eating books? When did he sound so intelligent? So... articulate?

Point made, Xiang Hao Ting leans back in his chair to resume eating. Yu Xi Gu rightly appears a little bit dazed beside him.

"Xiao Yu. After dinner you can go stay in my room or watch some TV. It's Tuesday." He looks to the calendar and squints at the dates. "Yeah. I'm the one in charge of washing the dishes. Just wait for me a bit, okay? Then we'll go and I'll take you back to your place."

That seems to finally pull Yu Xi Gu from his dazed, frozen state. "It's almost nine. It'll be too late when you make the trip back."

"We'll take the bus, don't worry." Xiang Hao Ting says then turns back to the parentals whose been watching the exchange very curiously in silence. "It's okay, right? I invited him over for dinner. It'd be rude if I didn't make sure he got home safe."

They nod in unison. It's almost funny just how spooked yet thrilled Daddy looks at how considerate and civilized his son is being.

"I can take care of myself. I'm not a girl, Xiang Hao Ting." Student Yu protests.

Something almost painful yet nostalgic flashes across her brother's face. "What's gender got to do with danger? You think it's only girls that go missing in the TV reports?" He turns to him and Yong Ching is suddenly very aware of their close proximity. "I promised I'll take care of you. And I don't intend to go back on my promise." He trails off, like he's weighing his words then, "You're like my little brother now, okay? Just let me do this one thing for you. Please?"

Yong Ching's hand come up to cover her mouth as everything suddenly slots into place.

When Daddy had been setting up the dinner table with Gege earlier, she had hung back to help with the utensils while Mommy and Yu Xi Gu had been in the living room, talking. Xiang Hao Ting had appeared very serious, tone grave as he talked with Daddy in hushed whispers, like he was being extra careful that Yu Xi Gu didn't hear their conversation. She'd been close enough to listen and came to know about Yu Xi Gu's current living arrangements, how he was an orphan and was putting himself through school by way of scholarship and doing part-time jobs.

He's always mindful of where he spends his money, so he usually walks to and from school. He usually skips meals and even the actual food he eats is not at all healthy for a growing boy. No wonder he's short and skinny even for his age. Gege mentioned about how he doesn't have friends at school because he's too focused in his studies and majority of the students think he's just this pretentious teacher's pet.

Xiang Hao Ting had been overcome with shame upon finding out how someone had to work so hard just to attend school while he simply treated it as something to pass the time. He approached Yu Xi Gu some time ago to be friends. It hadn't been easy. He said Yu Xi Gu had been suspicious of him, thought he was being targeted for a prank. So he made the bet with her, not only to encourage her, but to actually get the boy's attention.

Yong Ching's never seen her brother get misty-eyed before. He got angry, threw a tantrum when he didn't get his way, or he'd simply laugh it off. But he never cried. Earlier, he'd looked so moved, so upset in Yu Xi Gu's behalf for the hard life he lived that his eyes kept getting red.

Just now, Ge called Yu Xi Gu his little brother and finally, it makes perfect sense. Yong Ching knew her brother has always been kind with a gentle big heart. But he also had the tendency to be self-absorbed. Meeting and knowing about Yu Xi Gu's hardships was the wake up call he needed.

In Xiang Hao Ting's eyes, Yu Xi Gu is family now, his _xiōngdì_ that needs protection and looking after, and she knows more than anyone how devoted and caring he can be. Despite all the times Gege threatened her patience, at the core of it all, he's always been her wonderful brother.

She turns to her parents and she can see how they must have come to the same conclusion. Student Yu finally seems to have given up trying to reason with the persistent Xiang Hao Ting. He looks to Mommy and Daddy. They give the two of them approving nods and Xi Gu finally agrees. 

"Great! Thanks Mommy. Thanks Pa!" Xiang Hao Ting exclaims as he rises to his feet and begins to put the empty plates away.

Her parents share a glance one more time and Yong Ching's certain that before the week is over, Yu Xi Gu... _Ge_? will have already moved in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm losing my touch in writing. Or maybe that's just my stressed out brain.  
> I'm pretty sure this whole chapter sucked. *hits head on desk* Ugh. I need a vacation.  
> Thank you so much guys for all your love and support T_T  
> Your comments and kudos are all truly a soothing balm to my aching everything.  
> I love you all so much! 😭😭😭😭😭
> 
> 01/19 Edit: Woke up today with a hives outbreak for the first time. I guess my stress levels was really ridiculous I ended up with this shiz. Anyway, been vomiting too with a slight fever and headache. And the itch. Oh God the itch. Up side? Showed the company doc my ugly hives ridden self and told me to take a couple days off. Still annoyed cause I still ended up getting the short end of the stick. Next update might take a while as I recuperate. Sorry.


	6. Take You Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! Who used her sick days to edit fic instead of recuperating? This hooman. I don't know if everyone saw the updated end notes I left on the previous chapter but to those who didn't know, I broke out in hives. All the stress of double shifts did a number on me added to a delayed reaction to henna tattoo last December so... Yeah. Anyway. I'm still itchy and miserable but at least I'm not pulling doubleshifts anymore. Doctor's orders. Woo-hoo!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy the chapter. I think we've arrived at the end of the reaaally slow parts in the fic. Lol. Sorry about that. The boys wanted their feelings told. Things will pretty much pick up in the next installments. Hurrah!

Xi Gu was convinced that Xiang Hao Ting's parents were going to take one look at him, from the soles of his worn-out sneakers to his fraying uniform sleeves and find him severely lacking. Not at all someone that they'd want their son to be friends with. 

But against all odds, they liked him. They were welcoming, warm and kind and it wasn't hard at all to see where Xiang Hao Ting inherited his amazing character traits from. Auntie had been especially eager for their friendship to grow, for them to get closer. If only she knew just how close Xi Gu has been imagining he can be with Xiang Hao Ting while they all innocently ate at the dinner table. 

Xi Gu felt guilty facing them, conversing and acting like he hadn't just been staring at their son's lips outside their house and wanted to do things to him that they definitely would not be happy about. He thinks it would've been easier if they had ended up not liking him, that they demand he no longer associate himself with Xiang Hao Ting— no matter how much the thought of being separated from the other boy feels like a punch to the ribs— because then Xi Gu could maybe pretend the past several days never happened. 

Xiang Hao Ting was just a curiosity and would have stayed that way. But then he had surged into his embrace, red-eyed and wet-cheeked. Their skin touched, sparks igniting and leaving tendrils of heat in their wake and something unlocked inside Xi Gu. 

Xiang Hao Ting said he didn't want to pressure him, that he didn't expect an answer to his confession, and yet Xi Gu's been fantasizing about what it would feel to taste his lips. Why does seeing Xiang Hao Ting's smile make his heart soar or his laughter make him feel like walking on air? Why do his hands make him think of home? As if he's known him all his life.

Everything feels like it's moving too fast and too slow at the same time and Xi Gu is dizzy with it.

He glances at Xiang Hao Ting and finds him already staring, a small smile on his lips like Xi Gu's some kind of precious artifact on display. Xi Gu feels caught and has to fight the urge to duck his head and look away. They're sitting inside the bus. No one knows them here and maybe that'd be enough to help him muster up the courage to talk to Hao Ting about the stunt he pulled back at their house. 

"Xiao Yu." Xiang Hao Ting softly calls out his name. They're holding hands again. He didn't even realize it. "I don't really think of you like a little brother. I just had to say that to my parents so they won't protest against us living together." He leans in and the sight of his lips up close has Xi Gu swallowing drily. "I'm a hundred percent sure I want to do things to you that I would definitely not do with a sibling."

Heat blossoms on Xi Gu's cheeks, flashes of sweat soaked sheets and a comforting weight against his body overtaking his senses. He gulps. Frozen, wide-eyed. Where did that come from? No words come to him and he watches mutely as Hao Ting's playful expression sinks.

"I'm sorry. That made you uncomfortable. I shouldn't have said that." Xiang Hao Ting apologizes quickly and tries to pry his hand away. 

Xi Gu holds on, swallows again and forces himself to speak. "I'm not uncomfortable. You're good. We're good." He squeezes their joined hands to prove just how not uncomfortable he is. That's actually the problem. He's not at all uncomfortable. Just suddenly very aware that he wants to be intimate with Xiang Hao Ting when logic and self-preservation dictates to avoid him at all cost. He can't seriously be considering this right now. Relationships just mean eventual break-ups and broken hearts and Xi Gu can't afford to lose his focus when he's persevered for so long.

But at the same time, he wants to be where Xiang Hao Ting is. The image of him miserably curled up on the floor had been burned into the back of his eyelids and Xi Gu can't shake off the feeling that if left to his own devices, Xiang Hao Ting might do something rash.

Xi Gu feels responsible for him.

It was easy to determine that Xiang Hao Ting was not out to his family. Liking the same gender is generally considered taboo and because of that, he's almost certain that the name Xiang Hao Ting had brokenly called out at the clinic was of a boy, someone he fiercely loved and lost, that no one knew about. His friends and family were not aware of his panic attacks, and it broke Xi Gu's heart to think that Xiang Hao Ting, for however long he's been suffering in silence, never had anyone to talk to about the loss, never knew how to deal with the pain.

Initially, Xi Gu thought the other boy pitied him. The mere notion made his hackles rise, the prideful part of him that has worked so hard to no longer be a burden revolted against being treated like a charity case. But it was not pity. Xiang Hao Ting already lost someone once and it's like he can't turn off that side of him that is constantly afraid of losing another one that he cares about. That person now being Xi Gu.

He talks, he smiles and laughs but he sometimes has this look about him as if he expects Xi Gu to disappear or stop breathing any minute. It's also present in the way he touches him, from the thumb caresses to his pulse point, like he's doing now, to the hand splayed over his neck, the palm resting over his chest like he's making sure his heart's still beating. And how with each touch, he seems to breathe just a tad bit easier.

"So you had a good time?" Xiang Hao Ting asks hopefully, eyes crinkling. 

Through the guilt and initial awkwardness, Xiang Hao Ting was a constant presence by his side and just seeing him there, with his ridiculous finger hearts when no one's looking their way, greatly eased the anxiety he'd been carrying. "I had a good time. Your family is lovely." He says, then with a mental pep talk he adds, "What you said... about me staying at your house. Are you sure about that? How long have you—?" 

"Thought of it?" Xiang Hao Ting prompts and Xi Gu nods. The other boy shifts lower in his seat so he can tilt his head and rest his cheek against Xi Gu's mop of dark hair. A part of him wants to tell Xiang Hao Ting to stop with the public display of affection, but the baser part screams to leave him be, and everyone else that has a problem with seeing two boys together can just deal with it. "I told you I liked you for a long time and I've seen your routine. As you already know, I follow you home sometimes." He pauses awkwardly. "Err, I asked your landlord about your rent and it's too much for a highschool student to shoulder. So I thought, what if you tutored me and in exchange you get to live with us. You won't have to worry about rent and meals and what you earn from your part time job, you get to save for college tuition. I get to have good grades and make my parents happy and I won't have to constantly worry about you." He brings their joined hands to his lips and blinks adoringly up at him. "It's a win-win."

Xi Gu's skin tingles pleasantly where he'd been kissed as the sensation radiates up his arm and into his heart.

Aside from the explosive yet still confusing miasma of emotions he has for the boy, Xi Gu wants to help Xiang Hao Ting reach his goal. Auntie had told him how no one could get their son to do anything he didn't want, that he never showed any interest in his studies before until Yu Xi Gu and she was very happy that they became friends. They are very loving parents and seem to be just trying to do right by their children. Xi Gu fervently hopes that even if they find out the truth about their son liking a boy, they would love him all the same.

"You've really thought this through, have you?"

"Of course. I meant everything I said. I like you and I want to take care of you. And I've seen you push yourself too hard. I didn't want to constantly just watch you from afar. It hurt not being able to do anything to help ease your burden."

Xi Gu really doesn't know what to reply to that. Aside from Aunt Yu no one's cared for him this much in a long time and he feels mortified that he might just start crying. So he elbows him mildly in an attempt to lighten the mood instead. "So... you thought stalking me was good idea?" 

Xiang Hao Ting pulls back pouting, though the expression doesn't stay long on his face. He rests his forehead against Xi Gu's and smiles teasingly. "Look who's talking. I saw you at the second floor during basketball last week. You've been watching me too. So whose stalking who really?"

Busted, Xi Gu tries to play it cool and slowly pushes him off with a forefinger against his forehead. "Don't think too much about it Xiang Hao Ting. I only noticed you because of your grades."

Xiang Hao Ting grins. "Uh-huh. That was the idea."

Xi Gu can't figure out why Xiang Hao Ting looks so smug, but then recalls what he said earlier in front of their house and the rush of happy-giggly feelings comes back with a vengeance. 

"I walked right into that one, didn't I?" Xi Gu couldn't have stopped the wide smile from showing on his face if he tried. He's flattered that Xiang Hao Ting put effort into midterms all because he wanted Xi Gu to notice him. That he even wants to be enrolled in the elite class by third year and willing to do whatever it takes so they could be in the same homeroom, Xi Gu can't find the words to express how much it means to him to have Xiang Hao Ting go through all that trouble to prove his sincerity.

Xiang Hao Ting's grin turns soft until he's back to looking at Xi Gu like a priceless gem. "I'm just really glad my hard work paid off. You noticed me. And I intend to make the most of our time together." He pauses, adds haltingly. "Look, you don't... owe me anything. I do these things for you because it makes me happy. It's selfish reasoning, Xiao Yu. So don't think that you need to repay me by forcing yourself to like me." His voice drops and when he speaks next, he sounds like it's killing him to say the words. "I'm fine with being friends if that's all you want."

Xi Gu sucks in a sharp breath. Just how considerate is this boy? He's giving Xi Gu an out. Right here, Xi Gu could tell him that they're never going to be more than friends and he knows without a shadow of a doubt that Xiang Hao Ting would respect his wishes. Xi Gu suspects that if he asked Xiang Hao Ting to carve out his heart, he won't even think twice of doing it if it meant that's what Xi Gu wanted.

But there's absolutely no need for that and that's just too morbid to even be thinking about. Xi Gu knows himself. He might not be adept at romance, but he's never going to be able to remain friends with Xiang Hao Ting. The fact that his eyes kept straying to his lips, yearning heavy in his gut is already a sure sign that his feelings are nowhere near platonic.

Xi Gu wants to already say yes to dating. But it's hardly even been a week since they first officially met at the clinic. No matter his feelings, shouldn't there be some kind of waiting period before coming down to a decision? Xiang Hao Ting might have liked him for a while now, but all of this is still very new to him and he doesn't want to mess this up especially since Hao Ting is adamant Xi Gu stay with his family. He doesn't think he can in good conscience date Uncle and Auntie Xiang's son right under their roof.

The bus screeches into a halt, cutting off Xi Gu's train of thought. The driver yells from the front and he looks to the windows, realizing that it's already his stop. Oh. He finds Xiang Hao Ting's eyes and says his goodbyes. "This is my stop. I uh... I'll see you tomorrow at school I guess."

Xi Gu stands and is about to hoist his backpack when Xiang Hao Ting takes it and slides it over his own shoulder instead. "Let's go."

"Xiang Hao Ting, what are you—"

"I said I'm taking you home. Not just your stop." 

Xi Gu blinks, taken aback. "Are you sure? It's almost ten and your parents might get worried."

Xiang Hao Ting shakes his head and refutes his concerned mutterings as he begins to gently urge him to make for the door. Xi Gu looks to the front and sees the driver beginning to look disgruntled by the hold up. "It's fine, Xiao Yu. I can just call them if something comes up. What matters is you. Come on. I don't like how the driver is looking at us." 

Not really wanting to start an argument in the middle of a bus in front of other passengers, Xi Gu allows himself to be led until they're safely on the sidewalk and facing the street leading to his place. 

They spend the next five minutes or so in silence. Xiang Hao Ting didn't take his hand like he usually did and Xi Gu's been wringing his fingers together ever since, feeling empty and bereft without Xiang Hao Ting's steady, warm grip. Xi Gu keeps stealing glances at the other boy but Xiang Hao Ting doesn't seem to notice. It's dark so he can't see much of his face, but there's a line of tension on his back and Xi Gu wonders if he's getting lost in his head again, in the torment of his memories where no one could follow. To a place and time where he loved and lost a boy, that even though he claims to like Xi Gu at present, he still seems incapable of letting go.

Something twists in his heart at the thought of sharing Xiang Hao Ting with the ghost of his past. Is it possible to feel jealousy over the dead?

"Xiang Hao Ting." Xi Gu calls out to him when the silence gets a bit too much. Coincidentally, they've already arrived at the front entrance of Xi Gu's apartment. The street lights are brighter here and he finally sees Xiang Hao Ting clearly. Worry churns in his gut as soon as he sees the cheerless expression marring his handsome face and he's in the other's space in a heartbeat. "Hey, what's wrong?" 

Xiang Hao Ting startles and takes a couple of steps back like he's afraid they'd accidentally touch. "Nothing. I'm fine. Umm, your bag." He says as he jerkily hands it over. Xi Gu tries to get a read on him as he accepts the bag, but the other boy seems unwilling to meet his eyes. 

What happened? Did he do something?

"I'll come by in the morning to bring you breakfast." Xiang Hao Ting adds and finally their eyes meet. He's smiling but he's looking right through Xi Gu. "Please don't leave without me. I guess that's all. Um, good night!" he says and quickly does an about face.

"Xiang Hao Ting, wait." Xi Gu hastily calls out before the other boy can take a step. He stops by his side, grabs him by the arm and turns him around, feeling a whole lot of betrayed at how the other boy recoils from his touch. "What are you doing?" 

Xiang Hao Ting's arms come up to cross against his chest like a shield. "Nothing. It's late. I just... you were worried about me coming home late. I'm just trying to get back home. Fast. Like you said." 

Xi Gu's eyes narrow suspiciously. He's not buying it. Even if Xiang Hao Ting wanted to go home, there should be no reason for him to suddenly act like Xi Gu has some kind of contagious disease. He takes one step, two steps forward as Xiang Hao Ting takes one step, two steps backward until he's backed up against one of the parked motorbikes lined up along the sidewalk. Xiang Hao Ting yelps, long legs shooting a couple inches off the ground, hands going straight to support his probably sore bottom.

Xi Gu shouldn't find it funny but Xiang Hao Ting's offended look at the motorbike's side mirror is hilarious to watch. He tries to school his face into a look of concern even as he pretty much giggles helplessly inside, hovering intently over the hissing boy. "Xiang Hao Ting, are you okay?" 

"Can't believe I forgot this was a parking spot." Xiang Hao Ting grumbles under his breath wincing. He turns back to Xi Gu, their faces a mere couple of inches apart and he comically slips where he stands. He's so clumsy, it's very cute. Xi Gu reaches down to offer a helping hand only for Xiang Hao Ting to shake his head in refusal. "Xi Gu. Stop! Please. You're making it really really hard to keep my hands to myself."

Xi Gu blinks, lost. He leans back, giving the other boy room to pick himself up off the cold hard cement. "What are you talking about?"

Xiang Hao Ting haphazardly dusts off his khaki shorts. "You said you just wanted to be friends."

No, he didn't. "When did I ever say that?" 

"At the bus. You..." Xiang Hao Ting trails off, expression going downcast and Xi Gu finally remembers the conversation they had that was cut short. He didn't give any reply, didn't get the chance to, but Xiang Hao Ting must have taken his silence as Xi Gu's confirmation for things to stay platonic between them. It makes sense now. Why he hadn't held his hand, the jutting lower lip, and the sudden aversion to being in each other's personal space. He was trying to set clear boundaries for Xi Gu's sake thinking that it was what he wanted.

But God, Xiang Hao Ting looking so dejected at the thought of Xi Gu never reciprocating his feelings and yet trying to stand by his word, a stab wound would have hurt less. He'd been so worried of what Xiang Hao Ting's parents would have to say about them that he almost lost sight of what truly matters. If Xi Gu decides to one day say yes to his confession, it should be no one else's business but theirs.

Mind made up, Xi Gu slides up to him, reaches for his face and tells him to listen very carefully. He doesn't know where such brazenness is coming from, but he's going to run with it anyway if it would at all help in erasing that cursed expression Xiang Hao Ting is wearing now.

"I never said I just wanted to be friends." Xi Gu says with mock irritation in his tone. The look of shocked hopeful surprise on the other boy's face almost has him breaking character but he bites his lip and carries on. "I don't remember rejecting you, Xiang Hao Ting. So don't go making assumptions about what I want and don't want us to be, okay? I'm offended you don't think me capable of coming to a decision myself."

"What are you saying?" Xiang Hao Ting sounds out of breath and Xi Gu is half-worried he's going to start hyperventilating. "Xiao Yu. You're—"

"Not saying yes." Xi Gu interrupts him before he can vibrate out of his skin. He already expects the way Xiang Hao Ting deflates at his words but Xi Gu pulls him closer, forcing him to meet Xi Gu's stare, not at all caring about the girl gawking at them across the street. "Yet. I'm not saying yes yet. This is not a rejection, Xiang Hao Ting. I like you. A lot." Xi Gu breathes out, stumped that he said it out loud. Xiang Hao Ting looks just as stumped, like he has a million things he wants to say, but he's keeping his mouth firmly shut as he waits for Xi Gu to elaborate on his words. 

Xi Gu feels like if he doesn't say this now, he's never going to be able to again. He squares his shoulders, takes a deep breath and jumps ship. "You were right, I was watching you. We were only four points apart in the exams. I thought you were my competitor, someone I had to watch out for. It was just curiosity at first. But the more I watched you smile, laugh and play with your friends, I started to seek you in the crowd. I didn't know why I felt the need to see your face. Why I felt disappointed when I didn't get a glimpse of you playing during lunch break." He takes a breath, exhales shakily. "But maybe I've always known why, I just didn't know what to call the things I felt whenever I thought of you."

"Xiao Yu." Xiang Hao Ting's eyes are glassy, and Xi Gu reaches up to wipe a single tear that rolls down the corner of his cheek.

Such a crybaby, his Xiang Hao Ting.

"I just need a week to think everything through. Try to process my feelings. I've never felt anything like this before and I'm scared of messing it up." He lets go of the other boy's cheeks and takes a single step back, but not without taking Xiang Hao Ting's hand in his. 

He looks up and finds understanding finally settling into the other boy's eyes." "No matter how much time you need, I'm willing to wait Xiao Yu."

"I know you would." Xi Gu replies with a doting smile. "But all I need is a week. Until then, don't think that you need to stop what you've been doing. I don't mind your touches. I... you feel really nice." He confesses and squeezes Xiang Hao Ting's hand to drive the point home. "I just... wanted to clear that up. You should go now. You might miss the last bus for the night and your parents will really worry."

"Then I'll just give them a call and stay with you." Xiang Hao Ting eagerly responds that Xi Gu can't help but shake his head.

"Go. Now." He tells him like a misbehaving child to which Xiang Hao Ting deems pouting a very mature response. Feeling rather bold, Xi Gu looks about them for any possible onlookers and upon finding none, raises on his tip toes and swiftly kisses Xiang Hao Ting on the cheek. "Good night." He says in a rush and runs straight to the apartment entrance, heart wildly beating in his chest and leaving one stunned boy behind. 


	7. Breakfast and Preparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like what little fandom we have is really dying down ;_;  
> I'm so sad that one of our Xianggu authors starrystars has decided to leave.  
> But I understand that real life and health takes precedence.  
> Wishing you all the best in your future endeavors bb.
> 
> Warnings: mentions of self-harm.

Hao Ting can’t sleep which is nothing new as slumber has been elusive since that fateful day his world ended. He’s gotten used to going for long periods without any shuteye that he’d sometimes collapse, body ultimately making the decision to rest as he kept his mind busy with coursework to avoid those moments where he inevitably had to think about his loss. Even on the first few days he'd been in the past, he kept studying, filled his head with all the subject matter assigned to his current grade and traced the address of Xi Gu's remaining family, all in a stubborn attempt not to entertain doubts that all of this could just be him losing his mind, a long overdue result of his grief. 

But tonight, his reason for staying awake has nothing to do with the heartache and despair that’s been his only companion over the years. Tonight, for the first time in what feels like forever, he’s not coming apart at the seams.

He’s staring at the ceiling, but for once his brain isn’t chronically running equations all in a vain attempt to lessen the agonizing pain constantly simmering under his skin. His mind is quiet, save for Xi Gu’s words before he’d stolen a kiss and left Hao Ting standing outside of his apartment complex feeling like a shuttle ready to take off into outer space from the sheer euphoria that single soft contact shot into his core.

Fingers come up to press against his cheeks for the umpteenth time, thinking of delicate long fingers and soft lips, and beautiful star-lit dark eyes. Hao Ting turns to his side yet again, heaves another dreamy exhale, trying to suppress the squeals from coming up his throat and failing.

The last time he felt this much boyish giddiness was when Xi Gu first accepted the lunchbox he’d painstakingly prepared in that other life and he’d watched— totally not like a creep, no matter what Sun Bo Xiang said— his precious _baobei_ eat his home-cooked meal with relish.

Speaking of meals.

Hao Ting blinks at the digital bedside clock. It’s nearing 4AM. He should probably start preparing breakfast.

His darling Yu Xi Gu had been full of surprises yesterday that Hao Ting, for thirty minutes after he’d arrived home last night, had been finally overcome with soul-crushing terror that everything that’s happened so far was all just an elaborate dream.

But it’s not. He’s made damn sure. He can still feel the sting of his frantic investigation along his inner thigh.

He’d collapsed in relief at the foot of his bed the night before after his bathroom freakout. He came back to consciousness sometime around 2AM and hadn’t slept a wink since then. He looks to the door, suddenly unsure if he’d cleaned the mess he left behind. It was too late when he realized his teenage body didn’t have the scars of his adult body yet, and he could have avoided injuring himself that left permanent evidence. He’s going to have to be very careful from now on. The last thing he wants is his parents finding out about his mental health issues. Hao Ting didn’t go through all of that trouble begging Dr. Jiang to not let his family know about the panic attack just to get busted in his own home.

He makes the short trip to the bathroom and upon making sure that there’s not a trace left of his late-night impulse control failure, he goes to the kitchen to raid the fridge. After making sure he’s got all the ingredients he needs after a quick check online, he’s decided on _danbing_ and _fantuan_ for breakfast with hot chocolate, sliced apples and carrot juice for his baobei’s snack and a hearty chicken stew on rice for their lunch.

It’s a quarter to six when his mother comes downstairs and walks in on him preparing the lunchboxes. She’s still in her nightgown, curlers on her hair and stifling a yawn as she groggily makes for the fridge when Hao Ting softly greets her. “Good morning, Mommy.” 

Her hands freeze on the fridge door. She turns, surprise on her face even as she squints doubtfully across the room. “Xiang Hao Ting? What are you doing up so…” Her gaze zeroes in on the sight of several lunchboxes on the table, plates in their usual places already filled in with egg crepe and sticky-rice rolls with steaming mugs. She blinks at Hao Ting’s water bottle filled with the carrot juice and the thermos beside it containing the hot chocolate. She looks up at her boy as if she’s seeing a complete stranger. “Who are you and what have you done to my son?”

“Mommy.” Hao Ting replies with an offended huff but readily accepts the embrace that his mother gives him anyway.

She pulls back smiling then looks down at the table again. “You made all this?” He nods enthusiastically. “How long have you been up?”

“Around four. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided on making breakfast. There’s still some chicken stew in the casserole if you guys want it.”

“I didn’t know you could cook.” She remarks, sounding almost breathless as she takes a small bite out of the egg crepe. She makes a delighted ‘mhm’ sound, comments on how it’s edible, as if she expected to be poisoned. Hao Ting eyerolls at her sense of humor and says that he’s been practicing at school with the cooking club, and that's why he's been so tired lately and sleeping right after arriving home. She sends him a dubious stare before she shrugs then peers into the black depths of the mug. “Coffee?”

“Yeah. For you and Pa. Just the way you like it. No cream. Four scoops of sugar. Then some hot chocolate for Yong Ching.”

“Oh my, you remembered how we took our coffee and even prepared hot chocolate for Meimei. I didn’t know my son was this thoughtful.” It seems like after the initial surprise, his mother’s fairly recovered and has now hopped onto the gushing train. Then as if remembering that her son never does anything for free, she places her hands on her hips, one fine eyebrow raised. “Okay. Out with it Xiang Hao Ting.”

Hao Ting's eyelashes flutter, all demure-like. “Mommy, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh really?” She blinks right back, voice honey-sweet. “Don’t try to trick me. I know how you work. I carried you for nine months and you—”

Hao Ting blanches, shakes his head vigorously and begs his mother to stop. He almost forgot her tendency to get graphic, using motherhood like a truth serum. Nothing like making your teenage son very uncomfortable hearing exactly what lady part they came out of, too horrified to even try being sneaky and just wants out of the conversation. “Not trying to trick you, Mommy.” He finally answers as soon as he’s able to ward off the horrible images in his head. “I was preparing breakfast and lunch for me and Xi Gu and I just thought to make enough for everyone.”

At the mention of Yu Xi Gu’s name, her face lights up, eyes practically sparkling, palms coming together. “Yu Xi Gu? That darling boy, Yu Xi Gu from last night?” At Hao Ting’s nod, she smiles wider. “How delightful. Is he joining us for breakfast today too?”

“Err, no Mommy.” Hao Ting says with a shake of his head. “I’m bringing him his breakfast at his apartment and we’ll eat together.”

She blinks at Hao Ting, and then turns to the spread on the table, then back at him again. “So you did all of this for him?”

“Yeah. I said I was going to take care of him. I’m doing exactly what I said I would.” Hao Ting says with conviction and he doesn’t miss the way her expression wars between being touched and suspicious. He can’t blame her for her confusion. To them, he must appear to have drastically changed overnight. But as much as he would like to avoid constantly surprising the people around him and cater to their delicate sensibilities, he just can’t. All that matters is Yu Xi Gu right now and he can’t be wasting time deliberating on whether he’s acting too out of the ordinary or not.

He doesn’t like the way she’s staring. He knows her apologetic look and this eerily resembles it. “Son, about Yu Xi Gu. Your Pa said…”

“Ah! Mommy, I have to go take a shower now or else I won’t have enough time to go to Xi Gu’s place and still be on time for school. I have to have perfect attendance starting today. No more lates or absences or the teachers might not take me seriously.” He wards off any oncoming attempts to get him to listen by smothering her to his chest. “I love you. Please send Pa and Yong Ching my love if they’re still not awake by the time I leave.”

He dashes to his room and runs just as fast to the bathroom, stubbornly ignoring the stinging on his thigh. He showers quickly and redresses his soaked bandage and puts on his uniform in a span of twenty minutes. He enters the kitchen with his parents conversing silently though heatedly on the table while Yong Ching still looks half-awake and smiles up at him blearily. He returns the smile and takes a steadying breath.

“Good morning.” He greets and makes a beeline for the lunchboxes. He feels two pairs of eyes intently stare at him while putting everything on his lunch bag and hoisting it over his shoulder. He looks up and forces a goofy smile on his face for his family. “Pa. Mommy. Yong Ching. Bye-bye.”

His mother’s hand is on his arm before he could take a step. “Wait Xiang Hao Ting. Your Pa has something to say to you.” So close. He almost made it. He turns around and blinks owlishly at her, then glances towards his father. They can’t possibly be rejecting Yu Xi Gu so early in the—

“Your mother told me you cooked breakfast today?” Hao Ting nods jerkily, not at all expecting those words coming out of his father. Then he remembers that this version of him had never once witnessed Hao Ting cut and burn himself multiple times to learn how to cook for Yu Xi Gu. His eyebrows furrow in apprehension when he stands and claps him on the shoulder, but then he's smiling and Hao Ting feels lost. “It’s delicious. I’m very impressed son." He says and Hao Ting finally gets it. "I told you didn’t I? You put your mind into something, show a bit of effort and you can excel at anything. It makes me happy to know that you finally learned to listen.”

Xiang Hao ting's throat click, thoughts racing on how he can connect this positive experience to his _baobei._

“It’s all because of Yu Xi Gu.” Hao Ting blurts out, intent to make his parents see Xi Gu's good influence over him. He straightens himself and continues. “If it weren’t for knowing him and finding out about how hard he’s lived, I wouldn’t see my faults and realize how fortunate I am to have you guys. I’m grateful to him for showing me what I’ve taken for granted. I told you he’s an orphan. He doesn’t know that I know and I want… to give him a family. To belong somewhere where he can feel safe, where he won’t have to keep worrying about his future or his next meal.”

Judging by the way his father’s hand drops and he takes a cautious step back, he probably shouldn’t have gone on a heated tirade like that. But he didn’t say anything he didn’t mean so he soldiers on. He already knows by experience that his mother and sister would eventually accept Yu Xi Gu. It’s his father that has been against their relationship from the start, under the misguided notion that Hao Ting didn’t know his own mind and heart at all just because he’d always acted so immaturely. Well, if he wants him to stop acting like a child, he’ll give him exactly what he wants.

He takes a breath, forces his shoulders to relax as he resumes in a more sedate pace, though no less resolute tone of voice. “I made a promise that I would take care of him and I fully intend to keep my promise. You keep telling me that a real man takes responsibility for their actions and words, so I trust that you won’t make a liar of out me Pa. Allow Xi Gu to tutor me and live with us and I promise I won’t ever ask you for anything else again. I’m leaving video games behind. I don’t care about it anymore. I just want Xi Gu close where I can make sure he’s properly looked after. And since I won’t have to keep worrying about him, I can focus better on my studies too. I’m serious about getting into the elite class by third year.”

His father doesn’t answer for nearly half a minute, the two of them stuck in some kind of stare off before his mother shuffles close to him. She’s misty-eyed as she cups his cheek and it’s only then he realizes the drying wetness on his face and he hastily reaches up to wipe it away.

“Does that boy mean so much to you?” Mommy asks and Hao Ting answers in the affirmative, never breaking eye contact with his father.

“I don’t know how to explain it.” He says carefully. “He makes me feel protective and I don’t like it when I see him sad or hurt.”

She turns to look behind her. His parents engage in a silent conversation that only they know how to interpret. They nod at each other like they’ve gone down to an understanding and his father finally speaks. “Talk to us by Friday. We’ll give you our decision then.”

Hao Ting wants to protest. He said all of that and they’re still going to “think about it” anyway which really just means a prolonged no. And yet he can’t help but feel hopeful seeing Mommy’s soft eyes. She likes Yu Xi Gu and can clearly see the positive effect he’s had on Hao Ting. Not to mention that Xi Gu’s lanky frame also spoke to her motherly instincts. Even if Pa likes to pretend he’s made of stone, if Mommy vouches for Yu Xi Gu and pleads for him to accept Hao Ting’s request, he’s never going to be able to deny her that, especially when she asks so nicely.

“Alright. Friday it is then. I’ll hold you guys to it.” Hao Ting nods in agreement before he’s leaning down to kiss his mother’s cheek. “Love you.” He tells her with a smile and then goes to grab Yong Ching by the neck and smooches her on the forehead. “Be good at school.” He says and with another steadying breath, he pulls his father into a one-armed hug, pointedly showing him just how “not childish” Hao Ting is being.

After all the niceties are done, he tightens his hold on his backpack and lunch bag and practically flies out of the dining room.

* * *

“Sun Bo Xiang?!” Hao Ting yells by the gates as soon as he arrives at the Sun Siblings household two blocks away. The older sister pokes her head out the second-floor window and waves at Hao Ting as he takes out his drinking bottle. “Good morning Jie!” He greets and he gets one back before she’s yelling at Sun Bo to get out because his boyfriend is waiting. Hao Ting nearly chokes on his water, starkly reminded that the Sun older siblings used to call him their little brother’s boyfriend and he’d simply dismissed all the teasing as them typically doing the annoying sibling routine.

But it wasn’t that at all. He has memories of Sun Bo telling him after he’d gotten together with Xi Gu and him with Zhi Gang, that he used to have a crush on Hao Ting, confusing brotherly concern to romantic attraction. Hao Ting didn’t know when Sun Bo harbored those feelings, but looking back now, wasn’t he constantly in Hao Ting’s space during second year? Always wanting to go where he goes and getting upset when he spent more time with Xia En or Gao Chun? Or getting mad that he kept chasing skirts? He’d always thought Sun Bo was just jealous by all the attention he was getting from the female student population, not that he fancied Hao Ting and didn’t like anyone monopolizing his time.

How could he have forgotten how nasty he’d been initially to Li Shi Yu when they first got together? No. Just no. He knows full well what a jealous wreck his brother can be and he can’t allow anything of _that_ anywhere near his darling Xiao Yu.

Hao Ting can’t remember the dates clearly but he’s pretty sure Sun Bo stopped acting like a possessive housewife slash jilted lover around Heart’s Day when he began working at his cousin’s gym where he first met Zhi Gang-Ge. But it’s still November. Dammit. That’s still a long way to go.

“Xiang Hao Ting.” Sun Bo’s smile is blinding as always and Hao Ting feels some of the tension bleed off his frame anyway. He’s been friends with the other boy for as long as he can remember and he’d been there for Hao Ting at his darkest times. He owes him a lot. Sun Bo had to witness him and Zhi Gang-Ge drink themselves to a stupor more times than he can count that first year they lost Xi Gu. He had every right to be mad at Hao Ting for dragging his lover into the same pit of despair, but he never took it against him. He understood that they needed each other then.

He was later on banned from seeing Zhi Gang though as they both had the tendency to drown into a state of mutual depression whenever they were together, their conversations always ending up about Yu Xi Gu. But Sun Bo promised to be there for him and he did. While the rest of their group barely saw each other, he could always count on his bestfriend to pull him out of the suffocating weight of his misery.

Xiang Hao Ting doesn’t know exactly what his actions are doing to the timeline, but if there’s another thing that he absolutely cannot allow to happen is his brother never meeting the love of his life and rob him of the happiness he deserves. They have to meet. Soon if at all possible.

“What happened yesterday man? You weren’t answering my texts or my calls. And what was the deal with that student Yu Xi Gu? Xia De won’t say anything even under pain of wedgie and he made Xia En cry because now Xia En thinks Xia De loves you more than his Ge.”

“Bo Xiang.” He chirps as the other boy props his bike to the side while opening the gate. The boy hums and Hao Ting pushes his face against the bars and tells him soberly. “We need a second bike. It’s important. Can I borrow your older brother’s bike?”

Sun Bo Xiang frowns at him through the bars. “Huh? What for?” Though it’s not exactly the first time, Hao Ting understands the confusion.

They usually go to school with Hao Ting driving while Sun Bo rode on the back cushion seat even when it’s actually his bike. It's very rare that Hao Ting asks for his brother's bike. Huh. Now it just occurred to him that Sun Bo made Hao Ting get away with a lot of things during second year. Was it even a wonder why they got teased as boyfriends? Regardless, must be nice to have such an accepting family.

“I need it. Just for today. You’re going to have to go to school before me. I have an errand to run.” Hao Ting says, careful not to drop any names. He doesn’t want even an ounce of possibility for Sun Bo to refuse his request. “Might run late if I take the bus. Faster this way.”

Sun Bo Xiang snorts. “You never cared about being late before. Why start now?”

“Hey.” Hao Ting drawls. “I’m currently the second rank in the entire school. I have a reputation to maintain.”

Frown deepening, Sun Bo Xiang states accusingly. “This is about that student, isn’t it?”

Shit. Why did he mention his second rank? That would inevitably make his brother think of Yu Xi Gu and— “Who?”  
  
“You know who, Xiang Hao Ting.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about. Stop talking so cryptic. I’m in a hurry. Can I borrow the bike or not?” Hao Ting says in mock-impatience.

Lips pursing and seeming to not want to upset him, Sun Bo shakes his head and finally opens the gate. “Just make sure to return it by tomorrow. Same deal. No scratches. No dents that aren’t already there. Ge’s coming back from university in two weeks and I don’t want trouble.”

Hao Ting practically throws himself at Sun Bo and hangs on like a limpet. “Thank you, Bo Xiang. You’re literally my angel.”

“Don’t get used to it.” Sun Bo harrumphs but now that Hao Ting’s looking, his brother is blushing. “And don’t think we’re done here. I know your bullshitting face when I see it. I’m grilling you later, don’t think I won’t.” He pauses. “God, you’re heavy. What are you carrying?”

“Like I said. Errands.” Hao Ting grins and rushes past him to get to the bike in question parked near the main entrance to the house. Making sure that everything is in place and secured on his person, he bids Sun Bo Xiang goodbye with a wave and goes about his way.

He looks down at his watch. It’s 6:40. First class starts at 8:30. They should have plenty of time for the trip to school and breakfast before then. Hao Ting can hardly wait to see Xi Gu’s reaction to being fetched from his home to opening and eating his home-cooked meals to getting introduced to his friends. He's just really excited over a lot of things right now. All of which has everything to do with Yu Xi Gu.

His heart is alight with love and hope and Hao Ting smiles, for the first time in a long time, feeling at peace, into the early morning light.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it still interesting? @_@ Does it still want to make you read? LOL. I've been feeling despondent the past two days thinking of Wei En and Jun Zhi no longer doing stage shows and how am I supposed to survive without their sweetness???? ;___;
> 
> Question: Did anyone watch the fanmade music video I linked in the previous chapter?


	8. Morning Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late update. I already had the chapter written down 4 days ago but I couldn't get around to actually editing because my eyes kept watering when I was looking at my laptop screen and my grammar/sentence structure part of the brain was not working as it should with the migraine and sinusitis due to the flu. Anyway, here is another update! 
> 
> Any remaining grammar and spelling mistakes in this chapter are still mine. Hope you guys enjoy the fluff!

Yu Xi Gu can’t remember the last time he slept so soundly. Even on nights when he’s exhausted from his part-time job and literally too tired to think, the anxiety under his skin never really goes away. Worrying about losing his scholarship is a daily thing so he never allows himself to be idle. He's so constantly scared of failing that he’s forgotten what it’s like to relax and just let be.

And then Xiang Hao Ting came into his life with promises of love and care and safety, and so starkly invested in his well-being that Xi Gu feels like the crushing weight he’s been carrying for the past few years, as he stubbornly tried to survive, no longer sits as heavily on his shoulders.

Even so, he takes caution, reminding himself that he can’t fall inlove. As steadfast as Hao Ting appears to be, he’s still a teenager. They all are. And emotions can be fleeting. He’s seen it multiple times with other students. Highschool tends to be a breeding ground for whirlwind romances and broken hearts. What is overwhelmingly certain today can change into indifference and irritation tomorrow.

He likes and trusts Xiang Hao Ting. He's familiar in a way that continues to baffle Xi Gu, like he intrinsically knows the boy long before he noticed him. The attraction is strong, butterflies in his stomach whenever he sees his dimpled smile, the crescent shape of his eyes, and the soothing timber of his voice. But no matter what he may feel, Xi Gu’s decisions in life has always been governed by his brain— practicality hasn't failed him yet—while his late parents solely took up the spaces of his heart. A part of him is afraid to make room for Hao Ting.

He professes to love Xi Gu now, but how long ‘til his love runs out and he gets sick of him? The mere thought of Hao Ting finding someone else and acting just as sweet and unrepentantly affectionate already makes him want curl up into a ball. It’s inevitable, that pain of being replaced in Hao Ting’s heart. If he even really does wholly have his heart, Xi Gu thinks bitterly, recalling that someone who came before him.

Xi Gu’s a nobody and his looks are average. He isn’t delusional enough to believe that he can keep Hao Ting interested for the long haul. He should do the smart thing. Reject him and save himself the grief. But then he thinks of everything that’s happened so far, from the pitiful image of Hao Ting slumped on the clinic floor to the smile that blossomed on his face whenever Xi Gu smiled his way, and he just can’t.

He’s terrified of getting his heart broken but he’s more terrified of breaking Hao Ting’s heart. Especially when it’s already in pieces to begin with.

Xi Gu blinks back tears and shakes his head. He has to stop feeling afraid over the ‘what ifs’, of going off the script he’s written for his life in order to achieve his goals. Xiang Hao Ting is everything good and right in his world right now. If Xi Gu overthinks this, he might end up missing out on the singular best thing that could ever happen to him.

Though Xi Gu lost his parents at an early age, Auntie told him the story of how they met. It was dislike at first sight. They were in the same class and were at each other’s throats fighting for the #1 rank, but the animosity didn’t last long. Their shared passion for astronomy paved the way for their love. They decided to create a future together a few months after graduation. But Mama was from a rich family and Papa had to work his way through college. Though he graduated top of his class, the fact remained that he didn't come from money. Mama’s parents didn’t like Papa but she fought for their love, for the child in her womb. She married him and kept Xi Gu even if she ended up getting disowned.

He still remembers the way his parents smiled that day they left to chase after the Rose Nebula and aches with yearning at the memory. They might have been fascinated with the cosmos but always behaved as if all the celestial objects in the universe could never compare to the joy they felt by simply being next to each other. At the core of him, Xi Gu’s always wished to have what his parents had.

And maybe, just maybe, he can have that with Xiang Hao Ting.

Xi Gu zips his bag after making sure he has everything he needs for class. His watch reads five minutes before seven and his stomach growls as if on cue. With the filling meal from last night and Hao Ting sending him home, he’d forgotten to buy a steamed bun. Dinner had been wonderful that Xi Gu is sure he’ll be fine not eating anything until evening. Normally, he wouldn’t have any problem with skipping meals. But Xiang Hao Ting’s puppy eyes flash through his thoughts and he feels guilty for considering it. Xi Gu bites his lip to prevent the smile from spreading across his face. It’s so silly how he wants to take better care of himself because he didn’t want Hao Ting all sad and pouty.

He checks the vitamin bottle Hao Ting gave and makes a mental note to take one after breakfast. He shuffles back to his bathroom mirror and fixes his hair, makes sure his uniform is pressed properly. It belatedly occurs to him that he’s trying to look good for Hao Ting and stops.

Bidding his wallpaper goodbye, Xi Gu goes to open his door. He halts in his tracks, eyes widening at the sight of Hao Ting on the other side. His hand is raised up like he’s about to knock, chest heaving, and sweat dotting his brow. There’s two bags slung across his front.

“Good morning, my Yu Xi Gu!” Hao Ting greets and the sight of his disarming smile has him feeling weak in the knees. He tightens his grip on the doorknob, asks what he’s doing there. Hao Ting’s brows knit together. “Did you forget? I said I was going to bring you breakfast today.”

Xi Gu blinks. Okay. Hao Ting might have said that but he didn’t think he’d do it. They never agreed on a time and he didn’t expect Hao Ting to wake up early to accommodate his schedule as he always leaves around 6:30 to walk to school. He’s running a bit later than usual because he overslept. Apparently, it had been a good thing, else Hao Ting would have knocked on an empty apartment door.

“That’s breakfast?” Xi Gu asks, pointing at the bags on his person. He nods and Xi Gu feels guilty, thinking of Auntie Xiang going through the trouble of adding Xi Gu’s portion to her family’s meal. ”You shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to burden Auntie.”

“You’re not a burden.” Hao Ting counters instantly. “Stop saying that okay?” Those puppy eyes are hard to say no to and Xi Gu can’t do anything else but acquiesce. “And besides she didn’t cook breakfast.” He says and then adds, almost shyly. “I did."

“You cooked?" Xi Gu mutters eventually, voice sounding faint to his ears. "For me?”"

“Yeah." Hao Ting answers. "I know what you usually eat and it’s not healthy Xiao Yu. And I have my doubts over the cafeteria food. So uhh, I wanted to learn how to cook so I can personally erm… feed you?”

Xi Gu stares perplexed, barely believing even as the rush of warmth in his chest climbs up to his neck and onto his cheeks. His eyes zero in on the hand resting against the bag's strap and sees a few cuts on Hao Ting's fingers along with a spot of red that suspiciously looks like a burn.

“But you’re not obligated to eat what I cooked!” Hao Ting amends. “We can have something else if you want. I know my cooking skills aren't—“

“Hao Ting.” Xi Gu interrupts his rambling, fighting off the ridiculous urge to cry. This is so much more than buying him pre-packed lunch. He palms Hao Ting cheeks, thinking it won’t even matter if he burnt every dish he cooked. Xi Gu vows to finish everything he made for him. “I’ll eat everything you prepared for me.”

Hao Ting’s expression brightens, and it strikes him for the umpteenth time that his smile truly puts the sun to shame. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” Xi Gu replies, strokes his dimpled cheek. The other boy’s eyes dart inside his room and noticing this, he quickly blocks the path of his wandering gaze, feeling embarrassed. There’s laundry on the bed. The sheets haven’t been changed in a week and he hasn’t swept the floors. His living space is literally a mess right now.

As if reading his mind, Hao Ting pulls him close and presses his lips against Xi Gu’s forehead that sends shivers down his spine. He sniffs his still wet hair and sighs contently. “It's okay. You don’t have to let me in. How about we eat at school instead?”

“School?” Xi Gu murmurs absently against the solidness of his shoulder, feeling kind of drunk off his scent. He smells really good.

Hao Ting eases back slowly and smiles down at him. “Mhm! Wouldn’t want us to be late. We can eat at the cafeteria. Plus we can keep better track of the time while eating breakfast.” He says and at Xi Gu’s nod, takes a step back to make way for him.

After locking his door, Xi Gu fishes a handkerchief from his pocket and reaches up to wipe the sweat off Hao Ting’s forehead. “Why are you so sweaty?” He asks as he fusses over him and is rewarded with that adorable crescent-eyed smile. “Did you run all the way here?”

Grinning, Hao Ting adjusts the bag straps across his torso. “No. I pedaled my way here.” He tells him and reaches for Xi Gu’s hand, pulling him towards the stairs once he’s done wiping him down. “Come on. It’s almost rush hour. I wouldn’t want to have to navigate through traffic.”

Xi Gu lets himself be pulled until they arrive at the ground floor and he nods at the front desk auntie. “Don’t you ride to school with your friend?” He asks curiously. He’d seen Hao Ting and his shaved-head friend for the past week come into school on a bicycle. Xi Gu frowns. The memory of that guy clinging onto Hao Ting, arms around his torso, cheek pressed across his back has him unconsciously gritting his teeth.

“Ah, Bo Xiang? He’s fine. My priority is my baobei.” The flirtatious wink that Hao Ting sends him douses the annoyance he's starting to feel. Xi Gu watches him fondly while he unlocks and maneuvers the bicycle to the road. He's a bit embarrassed by the pet names but isn't about to tell Hao Ting to stop. “Come on.” Hao Ting pats the back cushion seat. Xi Gu stares, imagines himself sitting there, holding onto Hao Ting and his cheeks burn. And under all that, a strange sense of satisfaction that Hao Ting would rather ride with him than the other friend.

“Do you need help with the bags?” Xi Gu asks as he sits behind him, Hao Ting’s broad back looking like an invitation to touch. “Those look heavy.”

“It’s fine. I got it.” Hao Ting assures, turning halfway to reach for Xi Gu’s hand that he puts around his waist. “Hold on tight, okay?” Xi Gu smiles and nods, other arm coming up to wrap around Hao Ting as the boy inspects his seated position. “You good, Xiao Yu?”

“I’m good.” He answers in the affirmative, cheeks beginning to hurt from smiling so much.

Despite mentioning traffic, Xiang Hao Ting doesn’t take the usual highway route. He knows shortcuts that Xi Gu is not even aware of. It makes him wonder how often Hao Ting followed him home to be so familiar with the streets. He is focused and careful in his pedaling, looking left and right before crossing roads and touches the arms Xi Gu has coiled around him every so often to make sure he’s holding on tight as he should.

It doesn’t take long before they arrive at their destination. There aren't that many students yet but the few taking the same path towards the academy proper take notice of them, smacking their companions to get their attention before pointing his and Xiang Hao Ting’s way.

Xi Gu treats the gawking with his usual air of polite indifference. After the senior Li Qiang got expelled last year, Xi Gu’s done a good job of avoiding having to talk or mingle with anyone. His classmates are simple acquaintances. He doesn't belong in any clique and he preferred it that way, not wanting complicate his life with any more drama.

They stop at the student parking lot and after Hao Ting’s done securing the bicycle, they make their way to the cafeteria hand in hand. Xi Gu saw a few cellphones aimed at them at the corner of his eye but ignores it in favor of listening to Hao Ting’s animated babble about breakfast instead.

He would have been fine spending the rest of the school years alone but Xiang Hao Ting made him see rather quickly how wonderful it could be to have someone to share his dreams and aspirations with. Hao Ting seems to genuinely care about Xi Gu's future and is the only person on earth who Xi Gu truly wants to know and who he feels he can implicitly trust, someone he can always count on. 

* * *

Hao Ting is in the middle of taking out the food containers from his lunchbag when Xi Gu reaches across the table and takes hold of his wrist. He blinks as Xi Gu tells him to pause for a moment and give him his hand. Not one to protest against more opportunities of touching his Xiao Xingxing, Hao Ting eagerly obeys and goes as far as interlocking their fingers, grinning expectantly. "What is it?"

"This." Xi Gu tells him as he puts up their joined hands and points at the reddened skin of his knuckles and the lacerations on his fingertips.

Oh. He completely forgot about that. It's been years since he last cooked and Hao Ting inevitably had mishaps in the kitchen earlier, mainly with the cutting board. He's used to being scarred that he didn't think much of it. He might have also had a slight meltdown when he had to use the salt for seasoning. He's not as bad as he used to around that particular condiment, but it was still difficult putting himself through the task. Only the thought that he's cooking breakfast for Xi Gu kept him going. "It's fine. Just a few nicks and a small burn."

Xi Gu doesn't answer and gives him a mildly disapproving frown. The look on his face doesn't match the tender way he caresses the marred skin of his hand however. "Don't move." He instructs and peruses through his bag, taking out a small box of band-aids. Xi Gu places three on the table, stashes the rest away and asks for his hand back. "Give it here." He says and Hao Ting dumbly complies, helplessly touched and hopelessly inlove as he watches Xi Gu carefully and gingerly tend to his wound.

"Yu Xi..." Hao Ting starts to say, but then trails off when Xi Gu puts the last of the band-aid and smiles up at him, visibly appeased. Xi Gu hasn't always been prone to smiling that when he does it always short-circuits Hao Ting's brain and he's left staring like the love-drunk fool that he is.

"Please be more careful next time?" Xi Gu says, thumb stroking the back of Hao Ting's hand in a comforting gesture. He doesn't seem aware of what he's doing. "I don't like seeing you hurt." He heaves out a sigh and seems to mull over something before he continues, voice low. "At the clinic, when you were..." He looks so sad and for the first time since the panic attack happened, he wishes Xi Gu didn't have to see him in such a state. "I really appreciate you doing and planning all these things for my benefit, but what about you? Why are you wasting all this time on me? I'm worried... that you're neglecting yourself and I'm preventing you from getting the help that you need to get better."

Hao Ting bites his lip, grasping for the words on how he can best explain his situation without having to mention time travel and getting himself carted off to a mental facility. Xi Gu's worry is understandable. What they have, it's still new, at least for Yu Xi Gu, and he most likely thinks that Hao Ting's mental health issues stemmed from a traumatic experience in his past that has nothing to do with him. Xi Gu has no way of knowing that his existence, the miracle of him being alive is all the therapy Hao Ting will ever need. 

Everything Hao Ting's done and is doing has always been for Yu Xi Gu. But maybe it's time he takes his own advice. It's hypocrisy how he pleads Xi Gu to take better care of himself yet he has very little regard for his own general well-being. He has self-destructive behaviors that's had years to fester and the last thing he wants is Xi Gu getting exposed to that side of him. Hao Ting already began cutting late last night when he couldn't deal with the fear of everything being nothing more than a dream. There can't ever be a repetition of that again. 

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine." Hao Ting replies, covering the hand that Xi Gu has over his, finally deciding on a course of action. Xi Gu looks down at their hands then back up at him like he doesn't believe a word but Hao Ting stops him with a gentle shake of his head. "Hear me out first, Xiao Yu." He pauses, then adds earnestly. "Having you with me helps a lot with what I'm going through. You're literally the single source of joy that I have right now so don't think that you're anything else but what I exactly need."

"Hao Ting." Xi Gu murmurs and the pink on his cheeks coupled with the shy smile almost distracts Hao Ting from finishing what he has to say.

"I do understand your worries though. I know I get intense and tend to forget myself when I'm too focused on something or someone. I'm like you in that regard I guess. Stopping at nothing until I achieve my goals. So how about this? You take care of me. I take care of you. We take care of each other. When one of us pushes himself too hard, we remind the other that it's okay to take a step back and breathe."

Xi Gu ponders his words, face scrunching adorably in thought. His eyes crinkle after a while and the smile blooms back on his face as he nods eagerly. "Okay. I like the sound of that. Let's seal this then with—" A kiss, Hao Ting wants to say. But then Xi Gu's holding out his pinky finger for him to take and his breath stutters out his chest, pain stabbing him in the heart at the innocent gesture. The last time Xi Gu made him pinky swear was the night before that cursed day when they'd talked about climbing the Himalayas and reaching for the stars.

"Hao Ting? Are you... you've gone pale. Are you alright? You don't have to do—" 

"I'm fine, Xiao Yu." Hao Ting forces himself to lock their fingers together no matter how much his insides are screaming at him to leave now, right now, before he loses control and makes a spectacle of himself. "It's a promise then." He exclaims jovially as he desperately shoves down his emotions so deep inside him where it can't hurt. At least for the next several hours.

Xi Gu smiles, and the way he looks so angelic helps to slow down the rush of cortisol from his brain spreading to his body like a virus. With mildly shaking fingers, Hao Ting hurriedly goes back to setting up their food on the table. If Xi Gu noticed the tremors, he doesn't mention it.

"What's in the other bag?"

"That's for lunch!" Hao Ting declares. "Chicken stew with potatoes and carrots. But for breakfast." He makes a show of dramatically revealing the contents of the lunchbox. "We're having this." The excitement and happiness lighting up Xi Gu's eyes upon seeing the dish he prepared which had been a favorite in the Yu household was worth all the damned salt in the world. 

"Woah, _danbing_ and _fantuan_. We used to have this at home every breakfast. Auntie always.. It's been so long since I..." Xi looks up at him in amazement and Hao Ting has to fight the urge to reach over and pinch his cheeks. "How did you know?"

It takes all of his acting skills to pretend like him preparing such food was a mere coincidence. "Lucky guess? Traditional dishes were what I first tried to learn when I was just staring out to cook." And then reinventing all of them into carrot versions anyway for his Yu Xi Gu. "I'm really happy to hear that you seem to like this. Now I can't account for the taste—" 

"Stop. I'm sure it's as delicious as it looks." Xi Gu admonishes lightly, chuckling as Hao Ting hands him his chopsticks. 

"What's so funny?" 

"I just... thought what you cooked would resemble something that went through a house fire. I was not prepared for how perfect it looks?" 

"You're making fun of me." Hao Ting pouts, then recalling Xi Gu's exact words at the apartment, he rears back in disbelief and gapes at the other boy. "You said you were going to eat everything I prepared."

Xi Gu blinks up at him, chopsticks with a piece of the egg crepe halfway into his mouth. "I did."

"But you just said you expected it to be burnt."

"That too." Xi Gu confirms. 

"Why would you willingly eat something that you thought would probably look and taste like it came from the depths of a house fire?" 

"You made the effort. You cooked this for me." Xi Gu slowly puts the crepe back onto the lunchbox. His eyes when they meet his are filled with gratitude. "That's all the reason I need, Hao Ting." 

Xi Gu's eyelashes flutter and then he's taking a bite out of the egg crepe in the next breath. He moans around a mouthful, tongue peeking out automatically to lick along the seam of his lips to savor the taste. The image of him and the sounds he's making has the hairs on the back of Hao Ting's neck stand on end as something down south his anatomy jerks in place in clear interest.

Hao Ting crosses his legs, one elbow resting on the table as he tries to focus on Xi Gu complimenting his cooking and not just the way his lips move as he forms the words. _Dammit. Calm down Xiang Hao Ting. You can't just throw him down the table and ravish him._

"Why aren't you eating?" 

"I am!" Hao Ting exclaims and pretty much digs in to his breakfast like a starving wolf, trying not to think of soft pale skin and even softer moans so desperately that his food goes down the wrong pipe. Xi Gu is quick to his aid, handing him his water bottle and coming around the table to lightly thump him on the back. Once recovered from his coughing fit, his _baobei_ chastises him for eating too fast but the stern expression doesn't really do what it's intended as he reaches over to pat Hao Ting's head like a puppy before he sits down to resume eating.

They spend the next few minutes engaged in small talk between bites of egg crepe and sticky rice rolls, and sips of hot chocolate.

Hao Ting tells him about the talk he had with the School Administrator about making up for his low scores at the start of the school year and that he intends to take up a couple of AP classes focusing on Math next semester. When Xi Gu talks about his part-time job and his plans to quit because the current place of work was too physically draining, it only occurs to him then that Xi Gu isn't working under Zhi-Gang yet. His thoughts race, much like with Bo Xiang, on how he could arrange Xi Gu meeting him sooner rather than later. 

Zhi Gang was the only other person who hurt nearly as bad as Hao Ting did with Xi Gu's passing. Xi Gu was his Didi. He was Xi Gu's Gege. And Hao Ting is all for having him into their lives again, someone he can count on to love and care for his Xiao Yu almost as much he does. 

Looks like he has milk tea shop to visit tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is not aware, I also started a new Xianggu story called "Remember The Time" which can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22449085/chapters/53638921). It's about ghost!coma!Xigu and an amnesiac!Haoting who sees ghosts and falling inlove all over again.
> 
> Thoughts? Violent reactions? I love hearing about how you guys are finding the story so far! Shout out to my darling jappfrost for updating her Valintines Day fic for XiangGu. Please check it out too guys!! It's so cute and fluffy and just AAHHHH!!!!


	9. Peer Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My eyes kept watering. I burst a blood vessel and need new prescription glasses. It has been a harrowing week. So sorry for the delay guys. It's just been near to impossible looking at words on a phone or computer screen.

Xiang Hao Ting has been strange since Thursday last week after their basketball game. Not that his best friend acting odd out of nowhere is anything new. He’s always been prone to bursts of ideas, sometimes good, most times bad for the faculty’s blood pressure. But Bo Xiang could always read him and see his plans from a mile away. What’s happened since Hao Ting caught a ball to the face however? He hadn’t seen coming at all.

Granted Hao Ting participating in class and taking down notes again was a surprise, it wasn’t that out of the ordinary since he'd studied for midterms three weeks prior. What really came as a shock is his sudden interest in the top student Yu Xi Gu. There had been no hint that he knew the guy. No matter what Xia De said, they haven't spoken to each other before. Bo Xiang would have known.

Something happened between the basketball game and the the clinic and he is going to find out what. Hao Ting kept shrugging off their questions and telling them to wait. But for how long? He always had his nose buried in his study notes and has been volunteering to help teachers with errands in between lectures. It didn't look like he's going to be doing any explaining anytime soon.

It was so weird to see him being respectful to the teachers. Seeing their reactions had been hilarious and half the time he thought maybe this is a game Hao Ting is playing. But he'd denied their speculations vehemently, told them in no uncertain terms that he intends to maintain his second rank until graduation. It was weirder still to hear him talk with such conviction. His eyes had been blazing, even a little teary. Bo Xiang couldn't shake off the feeling that he somehow matured overnight and was no longer the same boy who he shared his childhood with.

It's lunch break and Hao Ting is off helping the pregnant Mrs. Liu in carrying her History slides back to the faculty room. He and Gao Chun are waiting for the twins to bring Yu Xi Gu to the rooftop. Not for any nefarious purposes. They just want to hear what the A-lister has to say about the rumor mill involving him and their brother since Hao Ting hasn't been forthcoming with answers. 

Or at least that’s what he told the others. Frankly, he just wants to take a closer look at this guy who managed to capture Hao Ting’s interest and give him a couple reasons to stay the hell away from his best friend.

Coming to terms that Xiang Hao Ting will never look at him more than a brother due to him being straight was not easy. But he was getting used to the inevitably of a one-sided crush. Then he saw those sickeningly sweet pictures of Hao Ting with another boy and it took all of his self-control not to storm into Yu Xi Gu's homeroom and demand he stop stealing his man.

“Do you really believe A’Hao is into guys?” Gao Chun asks beside him.

“How should I know?” Bo Xiang answers grumpily as he continues to draw shapes in the sky. He’s been trying not to think about Hao Ting liking boys and missing the chance to confess before he was snatched away. The thought gets more upsetting every time.

“A’Hao looks really happy in this one.” Bo Xiang glances down Gao Chun’s phone screen then looks back up at the clouds. It’s the pictures of Hao Ting and Yu Xi Gu circulating around campus that had nearly thrown him into a hissy fit. They apparently had breakfast at the cafeteria. There’s a picture of them holding hands and a short video of their “couple” bike ride when they arrived at school early in the day.

Bo Xiang’s teeth grind. The idea of another boy on Ge’s bike and holding onto Hao Ting is beginning to piss him off all over again.

He forces his shoulders to relax, take a couple grounding breaths. He turns to Gao Chun, considering, then nudges him. He’d been too chicken to ask this question out of the blue. It’s a topic that he’s always felt like he couldn’t be honest with his brothers about, afraid of what their reaction might be. But with Hao Ting’s sexual preference suddenly in question, he finds it a lot easier to breach the subject.

“Gao Xiao Chun, would you think less of Xiang Hao Ting for liking guys?”

Gao Chun's eyes widen before his expression scrunches into a look of offense. “Of course not!” He exclaims heatedly. “A’Hao is A’Hao. Him liking guys don’t change anything. I’m just…” He trails off and starts biting his nails. Bo Xiang slaps his hand off. Gao Chun pouts before he leans in and whispers. “What if he secretly likes one of us? I don’t want to have to reject A'Hao and hurt him.”

Bo Xiang makes a face. Xiao Chun’s worry is laughable. Hao Ting has always been straightforward and he can’t pull off a convincing lie to save his life. There’s no way he’d be able to hide any romantic desires if he indeed had them. Thinking about it now, Hao Ting probably didn’t even realize he was into the same gender. Maybe Yu Xi Gu was his bisexual awakening. 

“Come on. You really think he can do that?” Bo Xiang slings an arm over his shoulder. “Think about it. If he did like Yu Xi Gu, he sure didn’t waste time chasing him.” He forces himself not to let that statement hurt. “What makes you think he liked any of us and was able to keep it a secret? He wouldn’t be able to shut up about it.” That's exactly the reason why Bo Xiang could never come out to his best friend about being gay. He tells Hao Ting the truth and he’d most likely spill the beans the next day without even realizing.

“Well, you’re not wrong there. A’Hao doesn’t really have a brain to mouth filter.” Bo Xiang nods. “So do you think they’re together?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. This is all speculation right now. Yeah, they look sweet.” Bo Xiang is man enough to admit that they look good together. But that’s mainly due to the way Hao Ting smiles in the pictures with Yu Xi Gu. He doesn’t think he’s going to like that nerd anytime soon. But he’ll try to be civil. For Hao Ting. “Hand holding and bike rides is not exclusive to couples though. We’ve done that too.”

“That’s different. You’re childhood friends, brothers in a way that the rest of us can’t compare to.”

“Ka!” Bo Xiang exclaims and playfully shoves Xiao Chun. “What’s with all this talk? We’re all brothers here. There’s no—“

The rooftop door opens and Yu Xi Gu steps through with the twins dogging his steps. His gaze instantly roam the vicinity like he’s expecting someone, eyes briefly pausing on Bo Xiang. When Yu Xi Gu doesn’t find what he’s looking for, he turns to Xia En with a frown. “Where is he?”

“Not here.” Xia En says with a shrug, hands in his pockets. Yu Xi Gu turns to the other twin. “Xia De, what’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, Xi Gu.” Xia De apologizes. He glances at Xia En and lets out an exasperated sigh. “Ge told you A'Hao was waiting here because it was the only way we could get you to come with us. They just have a few questions they want to ask you."

The frown on Yu Xi Gu’s face deepens and Bo Xiang could practically hear the gears whirring in his head. “I’m leaving.”

“No, you’re not.” Xia En blocks him, stance antagonistic. “Not until you tell us what you're doing to our brother.”

Xia De places a hand on his shoulder in warning. “Don’t be a dick, Ge.”

“I’m not being a dick. You’re confusing me with yourself.” Xia En shakes his hand off. “Unlike someone, I care about A’Hao.”

Xia De sighs tiredly. “Not this again.”

“Yes, again. Or did you forget what happened to senior Li last year? He'd been around this guy too and look what happened? He got expelled because of some video recording that was sent to the School Director of him getting his ass beat." He says pointing at Yu Xi Gu. "What if he planned all that for revenge? I mean yeah sure the bastard deserved it. But A'Hao doesn't. ”

“I told you this is not a prank. Do you really think our brother capable of such a thing? To toy with someone's feelings like that?"

Xia En huffs. “You seriously expect me to believe he just woke up one day and decided he liked guys? A'Hao is not a—"

"I dare you to finish that sentence.” Xia De steps in front of Yu Xi Gu in defense. Xia En's eyes track the movement, scowling. He looks pissed, Bo Xiang observes worriedly. “And yes. I was there." Xia De continues. "A’Hao is a shitty liar, you know that. He couldn't have faked what I saw on his face. I'm telling you now, you think you're looking out for him but antagonizing Yu Xi Gu will not go over well."

The mild-mannered Xia De looks like he wants to deck his brother. It seems that he's been diplomatic but Xia En's temper and protectiveness over his friends is making things worse than better. Xia De has been tight-lipped about Hao Ting and Yu Xi Gu yesterday but the twins have been fighting over Xia De's evasiveness and Xia En had been coming down to his own paranoid conclusions, putting Yu Xi Gu in a bad light.

Bo Xiang hops off from where he's sprawled, gaze gliding over Yu Xi Gu as he approaches. He knew he was thin, but he's even frailer up close, especially half-hidden behind Xia De. He feels ashamed for considering threatening the other boy. Still, though he appears delicate, the look in his eyes is anything but, glaring at Xia En over his brother's shoulder in defiance.

“Hey, knock it off you two. You’re scaring the nerd.” Bo Xiang admonishes and gets pierced in place by the same admittedly intimidating glare. He swallows, hating the sense of unease shooting through him at seeing such a disdainful look. "W-What are you looking at?"

Yu Xi Gu heaves out a breath, straightens and steps away from the wall of Xia De's back. “Just tell me what you want so I can get going.” 

“You and A’Hao.” Gao Chun jumps in, holding his phone out which displays the handholding picture at breakfast. “Is this true?” The device is too close that Yu Xi Gu has to step back and hold Gao Chun's hand in place so he can see better. Bo Xiang catches the exact moment Yu Xi Gu is able to take a good look at the photo. His eyes soften, lips curving into a small shy smile, cheeks and ears literally turning red.

Oh wow. Yu Xi Gu's kind of cute. He can see the appeal and... Bo Xiang shakes the stupid thought off. Why is he admiring his love rival?

"What are you scheming?" Xia En sneers and Xia De quickly puts a hand against his chest in warning again. "Stop it, Ge."

But Xia En isn't cowed. He reaches forward and backhands Yu Xi Gu on the stomach before anyone can so much as blink. 

"Hey!" Bo Xiang yells at the same time as Gao Chun as Yu Xi Gu falls backwards. He looks too fragile to get knocked down onto the hard ground like that. "What the hell is the matter with you?" He rebukes Xia En after trying to catch the boy but not making it in time.

"What's the matter with me? You're all supposed to be on my side." Xia En says incensed, looking like he's about to stride over and hit Yu Xi Gu again. No, love rival or not, Bo Xiang will not condone violence. They might be a rowdy, troublesome bunch, but they're not bullies. And once Xia En calms down enough to think rationally, he's going to regret his actions and beat himself up for hurting the other boy.

"Gao Chun, hold him." Bo Xiang orders.

"Hey! What—" 

"Xi Gu, are you alright?" Xia De asks, crouching beside him. Yu Xi Gu groans, an arm around his stomach as Xia De helps him to sit up. Bo Xiang glances back at the hotheaded idiot and is about to scold him further when his gaze shifts and the words stick in his throat. 

Bo Xiang suddenly feels cold. Never in all the years they've been friends has he ever seen such a dark look cross Hao Ting's face.

"A'Hao!" Gao Chun exclaims, the shock of his presence has him letting Xia En go. 

Xia En twists away and is able to right himself the same instant Hao Ting storms over. His name barely makes it past Xia En's mouth when Hao Ting grabs him by the throat and he's pushed violently against the nearest cemented wall, a startled, pained gasp erupting out of him. Hao Ting's not using his words, no outbursts or demands to explain what he'd undoubtedly seen. His chest is heaving, other hand shaking like he's fighting the urge to land a punch. He's silent in his anger but the barely-held violence in his eyes makes actual fear crawl up Bo Xiang's spine.

He wants to get up, pull Hao Ting off Xia En but his legs won't cooperate. Xia De's calling Hao Ting's name but his pleadings fall on deaf ears. Gao Chun looks like a woodland creature that caught a glimpse of a wolf out on a hunt and does not dare make any sudden movements. Hao Ting doesn't get mad. Not like this. And the image of him looking like he can snap Xia En's neck if he so pleases is terrifying.

"Hao Ting, let him go." Yu Xi Gu's soft voice wafts through the tension around them. And just like that, Hao Ting's rigid spine unfurls. His grip around Xia En's neck loosens, arm falling to his side. He turns to the rest of them, eyes finding Yu Xi Gu in a heartbeat.

"Xiao Yu." He breathes out shakily and then he's crossing the short distance to sweep the shorter boy into his arms. "I was so worried. I didn't find you in your classroom. I told you to wait for me." He says in a flurry and pulls back far enough to let his frenzied gaze roam all over Yu Xi Gu's body. "Does it hurt anywhere?" He asks and then embraces him again before he could reply. He exchanges a nod with Xia De, mouthing _'thank you'_ before Xia De leaves their side to go pick up his brother who had slid down the floor, looking a lot shaken.

"I'm okay." Yu Xi Gu answers against Hao Ting's shoulder, arms coming up to drape across his lower back in a way that makes Bo Xiang think of couples completely comfortable with each other. The sight also inevitably has him grinding his teeth in jealousy.

Looks like all the speculations born out of the rumor mill is true after all. Bo Xiang still can't figure out when they first became friends though. Let alone get close enough to develop feelings. The circumstances or lack thereof just don't add up.

Bo Xiang wants to yell hands off! But then gets a flash of Hao Ting's murder eyes earlier and he ends up biting his lip to prevent any scathing remarks from forming and aiming it at Yu Xi Gu. He looks to the side in time to see Xia De pulling a pale Xia En forward.

Gao Chun has an arm around him. Bo Xiang almost feels bad for Xia En. Almost. He's a good friend and his protectiveness and loyalty to Hao Ting, to their circle is one of the traits he admires about him. But that temper of his can be problematic. Bo Xiang admits in the privacy of his thoughts that he also has a temper. He's bad. But not Xia En levels kind of bad.

"I'm so sorry. They said you were waiting at the rooftop." Yu Xi Gu says as he pulls back an inch. Hao Ting might have seen Xia En assault him but if he finds out that cornering him had been a group effort, they're going to be in a world of trouble. Yu Xi Gu has every right to throw them under the bus regardless of coming to his defense or not. "Your brothers are worried about you."

Bo Xiang blinks. That... was not what he was expecting at all. Also, was his voice that gentle earlier when he'd talked to them? Xi Gu had been defiant. He felt that glare slice through him. But now his aura is completely different with his gaze trained on Hao Ting.

"Worried about me?" Hao Ting asks with one questioning eyebrow raised.

"Mhm! They thought someone put you up to making friends with me. They just wanted to make sure that wasn't the case. They don't really know me." He pauses, and the way he's so obviously trying to do damage control, for them, is nothing short of saint-like. "They probably thought I have something over you. Like blackmail material and that's why you're forced to spend time with me."

"That's ridiculous. I love spending time with my Xiao Yu." Hao Ting proclaims without shame before he smooches him on the forehead. Gao Chun sputters comically where he stands. Bo Xiang is so jealous in his singlehood. "No blackmail needed. Plus you're not the type to do that."

Xi Gu's smile turns bashful, but then Hao Ting is asking about the scene he walked in on. Yu Xi Gu shakes his head. "I came off rude. Your friend lost his temper. I'm fine. It didn't hurt that much. Don't take it against them. They were just looking out for you."

Hao Ting looks suspicious of Yu Xi Gu's statement— as he should be— brows furrowed. He eventually nods his head however. He looks like he doesn't really believe it but since the other boy is making the effort to defend them, he's decided to play along. Hao Ting's gaze lock onto his and Bo Xiang knows that as soon as Yu Xi Gu is out of earshot, he will have a lot to say about this whole situation.

Dammit. They should have just waited like Hao Ting said they should. Looking back, Bo Xiang is now certain that he'd actually intended to introduce Yu Xi Gu to them any time today. But their collective impatient asses just had to come up with this stupid confrontation. For future reference, they really should listen to Xia De's advice so they don't end up looking like idiots.

"A'Hao." Xia De calls out and pushes his brother forward. Hao Ting slowly extracts himself from Yu Xi Gu to face them, hand firmly planted against the small of his boyfriend's back. The twins argue heatedly using their eyes in the language only they know until Xia En's shoulders sag in defeat and he meekly murmurs, bowing lightly towards Yu Xi Gu. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was a dick."

Xia De nods vigorously beside his brother and gets a smack to the shoulder for his cheekiness. 

"It's fine. You thought you were protecting Hao Ting. That... really makes me happy and relieved." Yu Xi Gu says with a smile then glances up at the taller boy beside him. They share a look that seem to contain entire conversations before Hao Ting addresses Xia En again. 

"Is it true? What Yu Xi Gu said?" Xia En nods dejectedly and Hao Ting sighs, expression filled with disappointment. He also doesn't apologize for how he'd reacted to Yu Xi Gu getting assaulted. "Did you think you were doing me a favor trying to scare him?"

"Not really. A'Hao, it's just that—"

"Since you're all here now. Let me make one thing clear." Hao Ting interrupts, voice carrying strong as he fully faces them. He sends them equally steely stares and not for the first time, the look in his eyes makes him appear older than his age. "I like Yu Xi Gu."

"I'm courting him." He continues before anyone can open their mouth in protest or congratulations, Bo Xiang guesses going by Xia De's smiling face. He knew. Of course he did. Hao Ting reaches for Yu Xi Gu. Their fingers find each other and interlock like two puzzle pieces while Yu Xi Gu stares at the ground like it holds the secrets of life, trusting Hao Ting to do the talking.

"This is what I told you to wait for earlier. I wanted to introduce Yu Xi Gu. But clearly, you were all impatient. I appreciate you looking out for me in your own way. But this better not happen again. If any of you would so much as think of being mean to my Xiao Yu, you'll have me to answer to." He sighs heavily, and after a quick deliberation, continues. "I'm still your brother despite liking a guy. But if you don't think you could still be mine after this, feel free to tell me anytime and I won't bother you anymore." He tugs at their entwined fingers. "Let's go, Xiao Yu."

Yu Xi Gu looks to them, eyes imploring them to say something, to not let Hao Ting leave thinking that their friendship might be over.

It's absurd. Hao Ting can't honestly think they'd turn their back on him just like that. He should know Bo Xiang will always have his support at least. He contemplates to come out then and there, to show Hao Ting that he's not the only one to have such feelings for the same gender, but his mouth won't form the words, so used to being afraid of the truth to his sexuality getting exposed and the consequences it may bring.

"Xiang Hao Ting. Where are you going?" He finds himself asking dumbly instead.

Hao Ting's steps falter before he and Yu Xi Gu reach the rooftop entrance. "Anywhere but here." He says, voice grim. "I wanted... all of us to have lunch together then tell you about Xiao Yu and I afterwards. But it's too late for that now." With his back still facing them, he adds. "Think about what I said, then tell me when you get to a decision."

He tugs Yu Xi Gu along who continues to plead with them using his eyes. He looks torn whether to stay and help them clear the air with Hao Ting or go with him to comfort their clearly upset brother. When no one says a word— a bunch of cowards that's what they are— Xi Gi fully turns and focuses on Hao Ting and they disappear around the open rooftop door together.

Bo Xiang has never felt like such a failure than he does in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure the quality of this fic just plummeted in this update. *headdesks* I'm sorry.


	10. Coming Home To You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, update on the fic resumes middle of March. However, I couldn't finish the other three shot yet due to losing everything I wrote in drafts. I didn't realize it expired so Dx It was a very depressing week.
> 
> This chapter took forever to edit because I just... really don't know how to write a good emotional scene leading to a kiss and I was like a fish flopping around out in the water. Hope everyone is staying safe from the CoVid-19 virus and that this nightmare will end soon.
> 
> Unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own.

Hao Ting's expression resembled a thundercloud as he stormed out the rooftop doors, his grip on their clasped hands too tight as if that was the only thing keeping him from breaking down. Xi Gu felt the tremors like he did that morning. Pulse too fast with erratic breaths. When they arrived at the ground floor, Xi Gu's worry got the best of him and he dug his heels in to forcibly pull Hao Ting to a stop.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, heart churning unpleasantly as soon as he saw Hao Ting's glassy brown eyes and the tears trickling down his cheeks. He ducked his head, hid away from Xi Gu's gaze and hastily wiped his face with trembling fingers.

The pitiful excuse of a smile Hao Ting sent him only exacerbated the worry. "I'm okay." He didn't look okay and Xi Gu was not assured in the least. Hao Ting's lip twitch was a faint thing. Like watching cracks in a dam seconds before it breaks and collapses.

"Hey, I'm here. Talk to me." Xi Gu pleaded softly, reaching for his cheek. But before he could touch him, Hao Ting crumpled to his knees.

He curled in on himself as soon as he met the floor, violent tremors wracking him from head to toe. Wet gasping noises poured out his throat, fingers in his hair, nearly rooting the scalp, looking terrified out of his mind. Xi Gu fell beside him, straddling his thighs and pulling him against his body protectively when Hao Ting began banging the back of his head against the concrete wall. 

That was fifteen minutes ago.

They're back at the clinic and Dr. Jiang is nowhere to be found. Xi Gu hoped he could examine the other boy and make sure that he didn't crack his head open after his meltdown. Hao Ting said he was fine, but he wanted a professional's assessment anyway. Maybe they can try again after classes are over. He tells Hao Ting as much who curls both hands over his shoulders and guides him inside towards the corner mattress.

Once Xi Gu is seated, Hao Ting places their lunch bags to the side table and starts going through the drawers one by one. 

"What are you doing?" Xi Gu asks, head tilting curiously, wondering what Hao Ting is up to now. 

"I'm looking for... ah! Found it!" The boy exclaims, brandishing a sky-blue, flower-printed cold compress like a trophy.

Xi Gu connects the dots and nods in agreement. They should at least get Hao Ting's head iced to stop any possible swelling. "Good idea. Your head must be hurting. I'll get the ice." He moves to get up, but Hao Ting slides up to him and pushes him back down gently.

"It's not for me, it's for you."

Xi Gu blinks, confused for a moment until he remembers Xia En's scowling face. "I'm okay. My stomach's just a little sore. But you hit your head." Hao Ting shakes said head in reply and cups his jaw, lips pressing against his hairline.

"You're more important and you don't have to worry about me, I'm used to pain." He trails off abruptly, like he didn't mean to say it, but the words just slipped out. Hao Ting's flippant regard for his own well-being makes Xi Gu want to shake some self-preservation instincts into him.

Xi Gu never had much of a choice with his life, orphaned at a young age and not wanting to be a burden, he had to live independently. He always struggled to make ends meet to buy the things he needed for school so he often skipped meals and most times got pushed to the limit with work for more pay. But Hao Ting seems to naturally not care about his health. He doesn't seem to think much of himself, focusing all his energy for someone else's benefit.

Like he's doing to Xi Gu now. It's almost like he doesn't know how else to be and the thought is heartbreaking. 

"I told you already, I don't like seeing you hurt." Xi Gu says imploringly, trying to appeal to the side of him that always cares for Xi Gu's comfort. Changing mindsets can't happen overnight, he know this fact all too well. And so he will make it his personal duty to remind Hao Ting to take better care of himself, even if it means using his own weaknesses against him.

"A compromise then?" Hao Ting amends with a sigh after their short staring contest. "Alright. We're both using it." Xi Gu smiles and nods his win as Hao Ting kisses his mop of dark hair. "Stay here. Be right back." 

"Wait. You shouldn't be run—" Hao Ting dashes and disappears around the half-opened door before Xi Gu could stop him and volunteer to go to the cafeteria instead. He returns within five minutes, panting and sweat-soaked. Xi Gu meets him halfway in the enclosed space, chastising him for running like a madman even as he hurriedly goes through his pockets.

"I'll run out of clean handkerchiefs if you keep this up." Xi Gu says with a raised brow, light teasing in his tone as he dabs the sheen off Hao Ting's face and neck. The other boy grins and plasters his sweaty self against his back before rubbing their cheeks together. 

"You're so sticky." He scolds the same time Hao Ting's arms tighten around his waist and parks his face against the nape of his neck. Quiet.

The sudden drop in exuberance has Xi Gu frowning in concern. "What's wrong? Are you dizzy? I told you, you shouldn't have been running—"

"I'm okay, Xiao Yu." Hao Ting cuts in on his worried tirade. "Just... let me hold you for a while."

Understanding dawns on Xi Gu and he sighs, letting the other boy be. He taps his forearm and gestures for the bed, the cold compress tumbling to the sheets as they settle down on the edge with Xi Gu seated on his lap. He feels Hao Ting's forehead connect between his shoulder blades. Xi Gu hums, caresses the back of the hands interlocked around his middle before looking out the window.

Hao Ting's disjointed words while in the throes of the panic attack suddenly made a frightening amount of sense as to why he's as broken up as he is. Xi Gu already speculated that someone special to him died. Most likely in a violent and bloody manner and he'd witnessed that person's death with his own eyes. It explained why he's so protective of Xi Gu, like he's constantly afraid of losing him too.

But what Xi Gu didn't know was that Hao Ting carried guilt with him. Through the shaking and the tears, he apologized about a car accident like a broken record, wretchedly repeating over and over again that it was all his fault.

_You'd still be alive if I didn't make that call._

Xi Gu listened to him cry out, his eyes stinging painfully, knowing that Hao Ting's choked up mutterings were not meant for him. Xi Gu's not dead. He's very much alive and working hard to have a great future one day. But Hao Ting's mind seems to have shattered so fast from seeing him get attacked by Xia En that his memories got all jumbled up and he was confusing Xi Gu for the boy of his past.

Not for the first time, Xi Gu felt jealousy stab him point-blank at the glaring evidence of how much Hao Ting still hasn't moved on from his previous love. But unlike before, every fiber of his being was suddenly screaming that Xiang Hao Ting belonged to him and his body moved without full consent from his brain. 

He didn't hear fireworks in the background when their lips met. It was just Xi Gu with his eyes firmly closed, palming Hao Ting's cheeks, fingers in his hair and his hips cradled across the other boy's thighs. He wielded his lips like a weapon, begging Hao Ting to come back to him until strong arms finally locked around his waist and they kissed as if Hao Ting was a drowning man and Xi Gu was life-saving oxygen.

It was uncoordinated and desperate. Wet. Hao Ting's salty tears on Xi Gu's tongue mixing with his own. It wasn't like what he heard first kisses were supposed to be like. Kissing Hao Ting was familiar, as if it wasn't the first time he's tasted those lips, surprise and confusion shooting through his heart along with the sudden stone-cold certainty that being with Hao Ting is where he should be.

But Hao Ting didn't remember what happened. He only recalled falling down, everything turning dark and then coming back to awareness with Xi Gu's gentle strokes on his back and his voice in his ears. Xi Gu's been conflicted since, hurting something awful that Hao Ting will probably never remember that he'd inadvertently taken his first kiss. Xi Gu didn't have the courage to tell him what happened.

He wanted to pull away, angry that though he was the one there with him, Hao Ting's thoughts were elsewhere. But the need to comfort him didn't wane. It didn't take away the fact that Xi Gu has already fallen. Hard. Wants to share all his smiles and be the one to wipe away his tears. 

Moreover, Xi Gu wants to kiss him again, for Hao Ting to be fully aware this time just whose lips he's so fervently claiming.

One week. It's the time he allowed himself to think things through. But everything that's happened so far threw all that out the window. He could no longer imagine a future without Hao Ting in it. He guesses he should have expected that inevitability. He's never been one to procrastinate and has always been in the practice of single-minded dedication to things important to him.

"You should probably lie down." Xi Gu blinks, thoughts coming back to the present as he feels Hao Ting's arms unwind around his waist and he nudges him to get on the bed. "Come on." Picking up the cold compress, he helps him settle on the mattress.

It's a small space but Hao Ting makes it work. After grabbing the pillows from the other bed and fluffing them up so Xi Gu can recline against them, Hao Ting squeezes in beside him, cross-legged. Leaning in, Hao Ting unfastens the last two buttons of his uniform shirt. Xi Gu allows the intimacy despite the protests of his brain, watching Hao Ting tenderly and carefully press the cold compress against his skin. 

The biting cold makes him hiss, suddenly very aware that his stomach is in fact feeling a lot tender.

Hao Ting freezes and looks at Xi Gu, brows furrowed worriedly. "I'm sorry, was that too much?"

"It's fine." Xi Gu smiles. "It doesn't really hurt."

"Don't try to lie to me." Hao Ting counters somberly. "You have low pain tolerance and bruise like a peach." Xi Gu idly wonders how he knew that. "And Xia En's a hothead. He wouldn't have held back. I ought to go back up there and smack him around some more."

The rush of warmth enveloping his heart at being so obviously favored puts a smile on his face. Xi Gu tries not to preen too much upon realizing that Hao Ting meant every word when he said Xi Gu was his number one priority. Even against his longtime friends.

"He shouldn't have done that." Hao Ting mutters, voice a low rumble, lips unhappily down-turned.

"Hey, they were just looking out for you." Xi Gu says, coming to their defense again. Normally, he wouldn't bother, especially after what Xia De's brother did. He didn't just hit him but brought up unpleasant memories. He'd prefer it if he didn't associate with any of them, yet he can't bear the thought of Hao Ting losing his friends. Xi Gu can't explain it, but he knows they'd eventually come around. 

"I still hate that they did this to you." Hao Ting says, keeping the gentle pressure on his stomach. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for." He raises his other hand to rake through Hao Ting's fringe affectionately. "Told you I'm okay. And you're making it better, see? It's all good." He assures with another smile for what feels like the hundredth time. Xi Gu won't mind repeating himself a thousand times more if it means that he can continually give the other boy some measure of comfort. "Let's do your head now." 

"I should have known they were going to do something stupid." Hao Ting mumbles like he didn't hear a word. Xi Gu frowns. This tendency to swiftly get trapped in his head always spikes a wave of worry in him. "They did this the last time too. You get hurt and it's always because of me." He chokes up, and already aware of the signs, Xi Gu sets the cold compress down and quickly inches forward.

"Hey." Xi Gu cradles his face as Hao Ting's gaze darts to his chest again. He does that a lot, like he keeps seeing something he'd rather forget, but his traumatized brain won't let him. "Hey, look at me." Xi Gu repeats and lifts his chin until they're eye to eye. "Focus on me." 

Hao Ting looks at him and shudders on an exhale, brown eyes becoming red-rimmed again. "Yu Xi Gu."

He nods in the affirmative, thumb stroking the thin skin of Hao Ting’s under eyelid. "Yes, I'm here. With you." He points out, gently rapping his knuckles against the side of the boy’s head. "You can't wander away from me again, okay? Stay with me, Xiang Hao Ting."

Hao Ting's throat work, mouth opening but no words come out.

"It wasn't your fault." Xi Gu tells him softly, sincerely and watches as Hao Ting goes rigid, eyes widening like he'd been struck.

Xi Gu can't let Hao Ting continue to beat himself up over things he had no control over. He wants him to get better, to no longer be trapped with the ghost of his past and vows to do everything he can to help. It's not going to be easy. Recovering from trauma never is. He should know. A part of him died with his parents. But since meeting Hao Ting, for the first time in a long time, Xi Gu felt that maybe one day that part of him would get to live again. He hopes that Hao Ting will find the same ray of hope in him too.

"Listen to me carefully." Xi Gu climbs onto his lap— no more second-guessing himself, not after what happened at the observatory— and pulls him close. If he has to daily drill it into Hao Ting's heart and mind that he's not to blame, then he surely will. "What happened earlier wasn't your fault." He whispers against his ear, chin resting on his shoulder, arms slung across his back. He pauses, deliberating whether he should reveal that he knows about Hao Ting's past, quickly realizing that he can't keep quiet about this. He needs Hao Ting to know that he knows so he can tell him that he doesn't have to be alone in his heartache anymore. "What happened to your Little Star sure wasn't your fault either." 

Xi Gu hugs him tighter when Hao Ting's breath hitches and he feels him spasm against his hold. "I'm sorry. I know it's none of my business." He smooths a hand across his back and hurriedly adds. "But you were talking during your panic attack about a car accident that killed someone important to you. And I can't pretend that I didn't hear any of it. You have to stop blaming yourself, Hao Ting. The one you loved, I'm sure he wouldn't have blamed you either. He wouldn't want to see you hurting like this."

As soon as Xi Gu finishes what he has to say, it's like the floodgates opened. Hao Ting clung to him and _bawled._

Xi Gu worried that he'd permanently broken him. Hao Ting did nothing but cry against his neck, great heaving sobs that had Xi Gu's tears falling no matter how much he tried not to. He let him cry his heart out, Xi Gu's hands gingerly running comforting circles across his back until his sobs subsided, and the tension eventually melted off of him like ice left under the sun.

"You're going to be okay." Xi Gu shushes, wrapped up in each other until Hao Ting is coherent enough to form words.

"Yu Xi Gu." Hao Ting finally mutters faintly against his collarbone, fingers sliding up his hair as he pulls him impossibly closer, like he's trying to meld their bodies together to form one being. He heaves out a breath, voice rough with emotion. "Thank you." 

Xi Gu eases back and tearfully smiles at him, drying the wetness on his lashes and his cheeks, none the wiser that he'd said the exact words Hao Ting needed to hear. "We promised to take care of each other, didn't we? When you feel sad or scared you know you can always talk to me and I’ll listen." Hao Ting slowly nods and Xi Gu kisses him tenderly on the forehead, then the tip of his nose.

Their eyes find each other after the sweet exchange and Xi Gu is suddenly hyper-aware of the scant inches separating their faces. This close, he can see the slight imperfections on Hao Ting’s skin, feel his warm breath fanning his cheeks. Xi Gu's gaze drifts down and laser focuses on Hao Ting's mouth, a rush of need to claim those full lips and kiss the sadness away nearly overtaking him. 

Xi Gu swallows dryly, flashes of their first kiss making him shiver. He's never kissed anyone before. Never even spared it a thought. Until Hao Ting. It's suddenly so vivid, the memory of how his body moved beneath him, solid, real, the heated suction of their lips, Hao Ting's large hands roaming his back, chests pressed up tight and his pounding heartbeat gradually slowing down and finding its rhythm against Xi Gu's own.

Xi Gu _wants_ and thinks with an all-encompassing yearning that he can have all of that again if he can just lean a bit and—

Hao Ting's teeth sink into his lower lip and Xi Gu can't help but track the movement, anticipating. But Hao Ting doesn't do anything else, as if he's waiting; keeping the boundaries he set that would take their relationship from friendship to something more until Xi Gu crosses it himself. Much like he already did earlier. Not that Hao Ting remembers anything of what happened between them. 

But he's here now. Hao Ting is not thinking of someone else, knows that Xi Gu is the one in his arms and was the one who comforted him through his tears. In this moment, he has the other boy's undivided attention and the anticipation simmering under his skin is almost overwhelming. 

"I really want to kiss you right now." Hao Ting's deep voice has Xi Gu’s breath stuttering, heat shooting straight down his belly at the sheer longing that he hears from every syllable. He frames Hao Ting's face in his hands, searching eyes locking onto his. Hao Ting licks his lips, gaze falling onto Xi Gu’s own as Xi Gu mirrors the action absently, focus narrowing down to the way Hao Ting’s tongue move as if hypnotized.

He leans in, eyes closing and lips parting as Hao Ting’s soft and pliant mouth meets his halfway.

Xi Gu loses sense of time. The moment their lips touch, it's stardust exploding from the farthest and deepest parts of his soul, reaching desperately, straining towards Hao Ting as if he is the only remaining light in the universe.

Hao Ting's fingers tangle in his hair and cup his jaw, hands sliding down his neck, his shoulders to his sides and back up again. Euphoria envelops Xi Gu's heart with every passionate kiss and caress, spreading into every inch of his body and making him feel things that he never thought possible. And yet under all the new sensations that Hao Ting is evoking in him, there is an odd sense of coming home.

His back meets the bedspread, Hao Ting's larger frame pressing down on him. Xi Gu reaches up, one hand curved along the side of Hao Ting's neck, the other grasping his hip, mouth coming together once more and murmuring each other's name like a mantra with every push and pull of lips and slips of tongue. 

He can do this forever, Xi Gu thinks. Touch and kiss Hao Ting and listen to his drawn out pleasure-filled moans vibrating against his chest. But then Hao Ting starts to pull away, withholding lips that Xi Gu just decided he won't ever stop kissing.

"Xiao Yu." Hao Ting sounds wrecked and Xi Gu opens half-lidded eyes to the sight of the other boy's sharp, hot gaze before he leans down and rests their foreheads together. His eyelids flutter shut, like he's trying to gain some measure of control, licking lips that Xi Gu arches up to claim. 

"We can't. Not here." Hao Ting murmurs even as he returns the kiss anyway, like they're two magnetic poles simply attracting each other. Xi Gu's hips buck, fingers clutching a handful of soft brown hair and Hao Ting whimpers like he just lost a battle, hand pressing onto Xi Gu's bare waist, lips and teeth latching onto his neck. 

"Xiang Hao..." Xi Gu couldn't have suppressed the moan rushing out of his throat if he tried. 

"Did you hear that?" 

"Hear what?" 

Two distinct female voices are suddenly heard, making Xi Gu and Hao Ting freeze. They stare at each other, the fog of pleasure and arousal rapidly lifting at the possibility of an intruder walking in on them any second. They didn't even hear the door open. The curtain dividers are fortunately pulled all the way hiding them from direct view, but it'll only take whoever it is to walk closer to the bed they're currently occupying to see them.

They almost got caught making out at the clinic. Xi Gu doesn't know whether to be mortified or laugh at the absurdity of the situation. 

Hao Ting's hands are on his uniform in a flash, fiddling with the buttons and only then does Xi Gu realize that his first two have also been undone in addition to the ones earlier. When did that happen? He looks at Hao Ting as the other boy reaches over to fix his hair where he'd run his fingers through. Xi Gu feels his cheeks burn upon seeing his bare chest so close to touch which is ridiculous after what they just did. 

How did one kiss escalate so quickly?

"Nothing. I thought I heard something."

"Come on Shi Yu. Let's try the pharmacy outside. We still have thirty minutes. We can make it before class starts."

"Why are you in such a hurry, Mei Fang?" 

"You know why. I want to be there when Yu-baobao walks back to class. He looks so cool when he's walking and reading at the same time." 

Now that Xi Gu is listening, her voice is beginning to sound a bit familiar, like one of the schoolmates who sometimes approach him asking to be tutored. His eyes dart to Hao Ting and finds his face turned to where the voices are coming from, expression seemingly stuck in a glower. 

He pulls at his sleeve to get his attention then helps him with his own shirt buttons, trying his hardest not to linger over the warm skin beneath his fingertips, careful to not make any unnecessary sound. Xi Gu can barely believe his brazenness, recalling bits and pieces amidst the kisses they shared of undoing Hao Ting's shirt as if he had every right and had done the act a hundred times before. 

"You do realize he's never going to look at you right? He's too busy with school. I don't think he's ever going to have time for girlfriends." 

"Who said I wanted to be his girlfriend? I just admire him because he's so focused on his studies. He's aloof and detached. Like an ice prince." The girl, Mei Fang, gushes. "Besides, he's with Xiang Hao Ting." She sighs heavily, and by simply listening to her talk, Xi Gu can already imagine her pouting. "Kinda hard to compete with the popular guy you know? And he's even second rank now. Good-looking and smart when he wants to be. You know Yu-baobao really likes high grades. My chances for him to notice me just went from zero to negative."

"Hey, none of that. You're not allowed to be mean to my bestfriend. She's cute and perfect as she is." There's silence, what sounds like an overexagerrated kissing noise, then. "So, you really believe they're together?"

"Mhm! I honestly think they're very cute. Ah, there was a video being shared around LINE since this morning. Let me just—" 

There's the sound of the door closing and Xi Gu feels something loosen in his chest. He doesn't care about their schoolmates' speculations regarding him and Hao Ting, but someone accidentally seeing the other boy in the state he's in now, with his swollen lips that are a little too red from Xi Gu's kisses, hair a mess, and flushed cheeks, the mere thought makes his teeth grind.

Hao Ting's blissed-out expression is for him alone. 

"So..." Hao Ting leans forward and stares at Xi Gu with wide hopeful eyes that makes a fond smile spread across his face. Xi Gu taps his cheek and Hao Ting's gaze softens. He pulls Xi Gu to his lap, arms winding around him. "Does this mean I'm your boyfriend now?" 

Xi Gu shifts from within the circle of Hao Ting's biceps and bump noses with the other boy affectionately. Hao Ting presses his lips against Xi Gu's own, a chaste little thing that doesn't makes his heart flutter in happiness any less. "You better believe it. You're mine, Xiang Hao Ting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if this fic's readers are still here. 👀👀 Would appreciate any feedback for this chapter. I'm just... it was just really hard. Lol. *melts in shame*


	11. Past-Present Acquaintances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh!!! I finally got around to updating. Ugh. With this whole pandemic shiz and even with self-quarantine, it's been nothing but a source of anxiety and illness. I caught the regular flu (as I always do) and legit was freaking out inside about Covid. Thankfully, it wasn't the case. But man was that a harrowing week waiting for the test results.
> 
> This chapter is only half-betad so any mistakes are still my own. Hope everyone is safe and keeping up with proper hygiene!

Hao Ting lost count of the times he was told that the accident wasn't his fault. No matter how much anyone tried, he could never accept their well-meaning words. Nothing could ever drown out the constant spiteful mantra of his conscience. If only he didn't make that call, Xi Gu wouldn't have made the trip back. If it weren't for his actions, Xi Gu wouldn't have been in that intersection and fell victim to a hit and run. He was going to carry that guilt to the grave with no hope of ever getting release or closure. And yet. 

He found himself in the past and Xi Gu forgave him, comforted him with words that deep down he always longed to hear. Words that were nothing more than futile imaginings of a dead man forced to continue living after his heart was violently ripped out his chest while it still beat.

Who knew such impossible fantasies would one day come true?

Opening his eyes after crying in Xi Gu's arms, he saw his darling’s tearful smile. He drank in the sight of Xi Gu’s angelic face, lungs no longer seizing, and it's like he knew nothing but grey until his Xiao Yu brought the vibrancy of colors back into his world.

And when they kissed, the moment his baobei’s sorely missed lips touched his, it was Xi Gu breathing life back into his soul.

Hao Ting could hardly believe that they’re a couple again. He was ready to wait no matter how long it took for Xi Gu to accept his affections. And yet he already boldly climbed into his lap, and so beautifully responded to his kisses and caresses.

There was no hint of shyness in Xi Gu. He kissed and touched him like he knew exactly what he was doing. It surprised and so helplessly turned Hao Ting on when Xi Gu started unbuttoning his shirt. Nothing at all like the fumbling, nervous wreck he’d been the first time they did more than sweet pecks on the mouth that Christmas Eve they watched the stars together.

Predictably, Xi Gu’s behavior made him question reality, believed it too good to be true and was stricken with familiar naked fear. But Xi Gu had swiftly cupped his face as if reading his thoughts, and pulled him in once more in a searing, grounding kiss.

“I’m real.” Xi Gu tells him firmly the moment they part. Their foreheads touch, breaths mingling, the taste of copper on his tongue. Xi Gu then guides his hand over his chest, feeling the strong beating of Xi Gu's heart against his palm. His eyes water at the confirmation that he's definitely not hallucinating. “I’m here, Xiang Hao Ting. Don’t be afraid. Breathe with me, okay?”

Hao Ting leans in to press his face against Xi Gu’s sternum, arms circling tight around his waist, eyes falling shut as he let the rhythm of his steady heartbeat lull him into a state of peace and calm assurance.

The bell for afternoon classes rang while Hao Ting was busy applying the anti-inflammatory cream on Xi Gu’s stomach. They missed lunch, but since he didn't have much of an appetite and Xi Gu was still full from the sliced apples and carrot juice he had for recess, they agreed to meet at Xi Gu’s homeroom for an early dinner and work on their individual assignments at the end of the school day instead.

If it was up to him, he would already be shouting at the top of his lungs that Xi Gu was his boyfriend. But as he needed his parents to allow Xi Gu to live with them, they have to be discreet. Xi Gu understood why their relationship had to be a secret even as he wasn't really in favor of pulling the wool over his parents’ eyes. But there was no helping the situation they’re in.

If his parents find out what they are exactly to each other at this point in time, it will only result one way.

Experience has shown Hao Ting that his father looks down on unconventional relationships. He calls it an embarrassment, unnatural, shameful; Hao Ting’s misdeeds back then only further convincing his Pa that he can't be trusted with his feelings. So for now, Hao Ting will continue to relentlessly work on his grades and join Xi Gu in the elite class by next year. He's going to do everything in his power to make his parents accept Xi Gu as a future son-in-law, foregoing all the pain and drama the first time around.

"Do I have something on my face?" Xi Gu asks curiously.

Hao Ting smiles like the hopelessly besotted boyfriend that he is at Xi Gu's adorable inquiry, watching him rub the pad of a thumb across his chin from across the desk they're sharing.

He practically inhaled dinner while Xi Gu chewed at a more sedate pace. He thought to first start on his homework but got distracted by the appreciative noises Xi Gu made as he ate his home-cooked chicken stew and spent the past few minutes simply watching him. He taps his camera app shutter, makes a few edits— the fox filter especially looks too cute on his baobei— then presses save and sets the photo as wallpaper.

"You're fine." Hao Ting reaches over and wipes a bit of stray sauce at the corner of Xi Gu's mouth. He sucks his thumb and leans back, not at all missing the way the innocent gesture has Xi Gu licking his lips. He pretends not to notice. Not an easy feat. But there are still a few students in the classroom and it will completely render his plans useless if he gives in to the desire to kiss his baobei and their relationship becomes public. "I'm just really happy seeing you enjoy the food I prepared."

"It's really delicious. The chicken is seasoned just right. And the carrots are so tender. You could make a living out of this." Xi Gu praises, blinding smile in place that serves to test Hao Ting's fraying self-control. 

"If I do, you'll be my taste-tester then?" Hao Ting attempts a grin through the urge to crawl over the small space between them and claim him then and there.

"I'm not about to say no to anything you'll make me eat if it's going to be this good." Xi Gu grins back conspiratorally. The unintentional innuendo shoots straight to Hao Ting's dick and does not help at all.

They should have had dinner at the rooftop or anywhere else away from prying eyes. After having tasted Xi Gu again, and feeling every point of contact on their bodies where they're connected as they got lost in the pleasures of touching and kissing, it's like Hao Ting's libido exploded. But he also distinctly recalled Xi Gu saying how he preferred studying in the classroom because he has easy access to his locker where all his notes and books are kept. Hao Ting didn't want to waste his time, walking from one spot to another when they can eat and study in one location. Obviously, Xi Gu's best interest comes first and he viciously grappled with his horny teenage side to stay the fuck down.

The smile on Xi Gu's face falls a fraction, effectively kicking Hao Ting's desires to the curb, replaced by concern. "What's wrong?" He asks worriedly.

"It's just..." Xi Gu fiddles with his chopsticks, lower lip jutting out. Hao Ting missed that pout. Missed it even more when he used to turn the cute mopey expression into a radiant smile. Elated as he realizes that he can kiss his troubles and frowns and worries away again. "I'm afraid that you'll spoil me." Xi Gu finally says, sighing. "I'll get used to your cooking and then you'll realize you could do so much better and leave."

"How could you say that?" Hao Ting exclaims, making heads turn. He ignores the stares and reaches out to rest both hands on Xi Gu's shoulders, voice low. "Even if one day you get sick of me. I'll still be by your side. I can be whatever you need. As long as you're happy and living your life to the fullest, that's all that matters." He says, hoping his voice didn't crack at the latter part of that phrase as he desperately fought off the cruel reminder of Xi Gu stuck forever at eighteen. "So don't think that, okay? I'm not leaving. I'll be with you for as long as you'll have me."

"Xiang Hao Ting." Xi Gu says, gaze filled with pity. Hao Ting sniffs and wipes his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't— I shouldn't have said anything about leaving especially after knowing what you went through." Xi Gu apologizes, remorseful.

After the events in the clinic, Xi Gu believed that Hao Ting loved and lost someone, another boy before him. He couldn't correct Xi Gu's assumptions for obvious reasons. Xi Gu feels sorry for him, not knowing any better that the reason he broke down after receiving Xi Gu's forgiveness was because he'd been his Little Star all along. 

"You don't have to apologize. I'm better now than I was back then. And that's mainly thanks to you." Hao Ting assures, smiling faintly and forcibly pushing the familiar spike of anxiety down. He didn't think he'd ever be able to get rid of his fear of Xi Gu dying. He'll always carry that nightmare for as long as he breathes. But he can't let it take control of the new life they've been given. He absolutely will not allow his fucked up mental state to fuck up their relationship. He has to be stronger, saner than this. 

"Finish your food so we can study and get our assignments done. You said you were going to talk to your employer tonight and send in your resignation right? I'll accompany you."

"Eh?" Xi Gu asks, blinking rapidly, looking caught off guard by the change of subject. "You don't have to. Your parents will worry if you come home late again." 

"I already let them know that I'll be running late before I came here. Told them I'll be studying with you."

"And they were okay with it?" 

"Mhm!"

"What about your friends?" 

"We're not talking yet." Hao Ting says with a shrug. Bo Xiang, Xia En and Xiao Gao Chun had been giving each other side eyes all throughout afternoon class but never came close to approaching him. They followed Hao Ting at a distance like a bunch of sorry excuse for spies and has been crouching outside the classroom for nearly thirty minutes. Hao Ting never glanced towards the exit points but he's pretty sure Xia De got roped into spying on him and Xi Gu by his brother too.

"Don't you think you should talk to them first?" Xi Gu asks the same time a female student suddenly collides against his desk. Hao Ting is instantly on his feet, severe words at the ready when he sees who it is.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" The girl squawks, bowing profusely, long hair falling over her face like some kind of Sadako reject.

"Mei Fang?!" Hao Ting exclaims before he could stop himself and inwardly winces. He's not supposed to know her yet. She freezes in her bowing at Xi Gu and looks up at Hao Ting like he'd grown a second head.

"Y-you know me?" She asks as Hao Ting's gaze drift to the side expecting Li Shi Yu and that other guy they were always with but is instead met with the perpetually scowling face of Chuang Jing Fei. Following his line of sight, Mei Fang turns around and straightens her posture as soon as she sees the girl who manhandled her. "Why did you drag me inside and push me?" 

Her question goes unanswered as Student Chuang gives Hao Ting a look that's probably reserved for things stuck at the bottom of her shoe. Her gaze drifts to Xi Gu before she harrumphs and makes a bratty about face.

"Where are you going? You didn't answer my question." Mei Fang reiterates, huffing in offense, mumbling under her breath. "Rude. Who does she think she is?" 

Hao Ting sighs. He forgot how much Chuang used to hate his guts for stealing her spot as the school's second top student. She used to study with Xi Gu back in 10th grade. A bunch of nerds or geniuses, depending on who you're asking, hanging out together. Until Li Qiang, and Xi Gu retreated into himself. Hao Ting can't be sure, but he thinks Chuang might like Xi Gu. His baobei is just too devastatingly beautiful and smart that he can't blame the student population. Finding out about the rumors about them might have only upset her further.

He looks back at Mei Fang. She has her phone hugged to her chest like a priceless artefact while frowning at the entrance. The screen hasn't locked yet and Hao Ting's eyes narrow suspiciously when he sees the sharp features of Xi Gu. "What are you doing here?" 

"Eh?" Mei Fang stutters as she catches his eyes fixed on her phone screen which she quickly hides from view. "Err, nothing. Just passing by."

"Hao Ting." Xi Gu calls out and he turns to his baobei for a moment, smiling sweetly. He tells Xi Gu to please finish his food before looking back to Mei Fang, smile disappearing altogether as he pulls her toward the corner near the front of the class.

"Give it."

Mei Fang blinks owlishly up at him. "What?" 

"Your phone. I know you were taking photos of Yu Xi Gu." 

The girl nervously laughs, trying to act innocent and then yelps when he snatches her phone from her grasp and quickly turns away from her outstretched hands to look through her gallery.

"Xiang Hao Ting, what are you doing? Give me my phone back."

Hao Ting whirls around and— probably smiling like a deranged person because Mei Fang takes a few steps back, with actual fear in her eyes— he leans in abruptly, showing her one of his favorite pictures of Xi Gu that she'd forwarded him before. "Send this to me. I'll give you my LINE ID." 

Mei Fang tilts her chin out defiantly. "And why should I do that?"

"Don't even pretend with me. I was in the clinic earlier and heard you talking. You already believe we're together." Hao Ting snaps and after a beat, decides that he can tell her about him and Xi Gu. She hadn't tattled to anyone before, not even to her best friend and he trusts she'll do the same. "And yes he's my boyfriend. But you're not telling anyone. Promise me, from one Yu Xi Gu admirer to another, this stays between us." He takes out his phone, the photo he'd taken of Xi Gu with the fox filter as his wallpaper blowing up on the screen.

"Ow. Not so loud woman!" Hao Ting gripes, recoiling from Mei Fang as she scream-squeals in place before slapping him repeteadly on the arm as his words finally sink in.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. You're not pulling my leg right? It's true? It's really true?" She leans in and whispers excitedly. "Xianggu is real?" 

"Xiang—?" 

"It's your CP name. There's already a group dedicated to you guys. I was about to apply for membership! Oh my God! Best day ever!"

"You can't say anything!" Hao Ting hisses gravely, already regretting why he made the decision based on the Mei Fang he knew at third year. She could be completely different at second year and he might have just shot himself in the foot.

"Of course I'm not telling anyone! It's not my secret to reveal." Mei Fang hisses back, sobering up and looking mildly offended that Hao Ting would think her capable of such a thing. "But why are you telling me this? We literally talked to each other for the first time today. How did you even know my name? How do you know you can trust me?"

"I don't." Hao Ting states bluntly. "But I do know that you genuinely care for Yu Xi Gu and that is enough for me. We're not ready to go public. Xi Gu just wants to study and graduate maintaining his top rank and I'll be doing the same. As for your name. You admired him from afar, like I did before. I know you Liu Mei Fang. I kept close tabs on possible competition."

Mei Fang makes a horrified face. "What? I didn't even notice." She glances at Xi Gu before continuing. "You know, I feel like I should probably be heartbroken that Yubaobao is taken but I just find you both too cute and sweet. You look so good together!"

Hao Ting preens. "I know. So, back on topic." He goes through the gallery on Mei Fang's phone dedicated to Yu Xi Gu. "I want... this, this, this and this, oh this too, ahh he's so cute here, wait this one, agh!" He sighs miserably. "He looks so yummy in every picture. Can't you just send me a copy of everything?"

"Did you just call him yummy?" Mei Fang looks like she might faint. 

"What of it?" Hao Ting asks then realizing the dreamy, faraway look in her eyes, he begins shaking her. "Hey. No. Absolutely not. You are not allowed to think of him that way. Liu Mei Fang, stop thinking it. Liu Mei Fang!"

* * *

"What was that all about earlier?" Yu Xi Gu asks, kicking gravel beneath his shoe while waiting for Hao Ting to unlock the bike.

From the moment he went back to their table, looking like he just won the lottery after what looked to be a whispering contest with the girl who also acted as if she won the lottery, he'd since felt an uncomfortable twinge in his chest. He didn't like seeing him act so familiar with her. Xi Gu doesn't want to be the kind of person who policed everyone talking to his lover, but there's no fighting the pang of jealousy he feels. "You seemed awfully close. I didn't think you had friends outside of your circle."

Hao Ting tilts his head up to look at Xi Gu. The light from the nearest lamp post makes his one eye look like there's stars shining from within. "Who?"

"Liu Mei Fang."

"Oh, she's not a friend." Hao Ting answers as he manuevers the bike for their use. 

Xi Gu blinks in disbelief. "Are you sure?" 

Hao Ting pats the back seat cushion and grins. "Yep. She's more like a rival. She's one of your admirers actually."

Okay. That's definitely news to him. But why was Hao Ting acting familiar with her? Xi Gu takes his place on the bike, arms wrapping around Hao Ting's waist casually, belatedly realizing that he voiced the question out loud.

"She took pictures of you. I asked for copies. Err, I might have also told her about us? I hope you don't mind. As much as she claims to like you, she likes the idea of us together a lot more. We can trust her. She won't say a word to anyone. But she won't forward me your pictures without good reason."

Hao Ting had gone through a detailed explanation of why they had to keep their relationship a secret, emphasizing on his parents not hearing anything about them as a couple for their benefit and yet he told a supposed rival about them all because Hao Ting wanted the pictures that girl took of him. Xi Gu admits that it's a bit unsettling to hear about people taking his photos without his consent but he guesses that's how it is with the technological age. Not that he'd know. He doesn't have a cellphone.

He drops his doubts and rests his chin on Hao Ting's shoulder. He trusts him. So if he says that they can trust the girl, Xi Gu will believe it. And feelings of jealousy aside, he'd enjoyed seeing him carefree earlier, with such base exuberance, and all for Xi Gu's pictures. The thought warms his heart. "I shouldn't probably find your silly antics adorable."

"But you do anyway." Hao Ting says proudly, confidently and strangely enough Xi Gu expects him to start barking.

Xi Gu gets a flash, a memory of Hao Ting's laughter from when he saw him walk by his classroom to fetch Xia De, fighting Sun Bo Xiang over a bag of chips. "So cute. Like a giant puppy."

"You're cuter." Hao Ting counters, fingers coming up to interlock with Xi Gu's around his waist, leans down for a peck on his knuckles. "And handsome and gorgeous and sweet and perfect and--" 

"Stop. Stop I get the idea." Xi Gu says, laughing onto the back of Hao Ting's neck, right hand reaching over to join his left to lightly pinch him on the cheeks before settling back onto position. He tightens his hold around his waist after Hao Ting asks him if he's a hundred percent ready.

Once they're on the main street outside school, it's like a switch. Hao Ting's playfulness dessert him and now that Xi Gu's got the full picture, he completely understands why the other boy had been just as grave and tense that morning while they've been on the road too.

Xi Gu doesn't dare make any jokes or say anything that would take Hao Ting's complete attention from his task other than what's strictly necessary which is giving him directions for his place of work. 

Thankfully his employer didn't create drama about Xi Gu quitting abruptly. He received his last paycheck with minimal fuss, probably largely due to Xiang Hao Ting standing behind him like some grim-faced bodyguard who won't thick twice of punching anyone's teeth out. From giant ball of fluff one moment to attack dog the next. The duality is kind of hot.

Not the time.

"Where are we going?" Xi Gu asks, leaning closer against his back as soon as he realizes that the road Hao Ting took is not the usual route towards his home that he knows of. "Did you take another short cut?" 

"No. We're going to a milk tea and yogurt shop. I heard really good things about it. I wanted to celebrate."

It doesn't take long before Hao Ting slows to a stop in front of a shop's glass window. Xi Gu looks up at the sign and can't help but feel a sense of familiarity with the place, as if he's been here before.

"What are we celebrating?" Xi Gu asks once Hao Ting is done parking and they walk towards the entrance. 

"Our one-day-sary." Hao Ting cheekily replies as they're met with a jovial welcome from an employee.

Xi Gu shakes his head, smile on his lips while looking at the other boy. "Xiang Hao Ting, you're ridiculous. Who celebrates it like that?" 

"Us. Obviously." Hao Ting grins. "Today is the day we become official, of course I would want to celebrate it!" He cheers then makes his approach for the man behind the counter. Xi Gu watches him look through the menu on the board and start naming stuff that he's never heard before. Hao Ting turns to him and asks if he has anything he wants and Xi Gu simply tells him to go with what he thinks will be good.

Xi Gu is grateful for everything that Hao Ting has done for him so far and wants to treat him. He volunteers to pay but the other boy refuses as soon as he takes out the envelope containing his salary. "Don't waste it on me." He says, reaching for his hand. "You need to save up for college tuition. It's never too early to start."

"But..." Xi Gu tries to protest, however Hao Ting stops any attempt with a firm shake of his head. It's coincidentally the same instance the man behind the counter tells them that their order will be ready in ten minutes. Hao Ting thanks him with a light bow, Xi Gu doing much of the same.

"No buts. We have to think about our future." Hao Ting states as soon as they've taken their seats. "And I know how important graduating from a prestigious university is to you. You can apply for college scholarship, but just in case you'll need to pay out of pocket, savings would be a good alternative." He smiles at him lovingly. "I'm your boyfriend, so part of my job is to make sure you're going to achieve your dreams. Save up as early as now okay? I'll handle our expenses. Don't feel obligated to spend money on me especially since you haven't found another part time job yet."

"Are you sure?" Xi Gu counters despite himself. "You can't always be the one taking care of me. I want to take care of you too. I don't want to mooch off you and be a burden."

"Hey, didn't we talk about that already?" Hao Ting takes their joined hands and presses it over his chest, voice inexplicably tender when he speaks. "You brought me back to life. Gave me my heart back. I'm yours, Xiao Yu. And you've taken care of me plenty. Nothing that I'll do for you will ever become a burden. Can you trust me on that?"

Xi Gu heaves out a shaky breath, at a loss of what to say. His chest feels full with what might be love, heat gathering behind his eyes after hearing such sincerity. Nodding, Xi Gu leans in for a quick though no less heartfelt kiss. He slowly pulls away, but then Hao Ting holds him gently by the base of his skull and kisses him properly. 

"I'll talk to my parents." Hao Ting mutters in the minuscule space between their lips as soon as they part. "Ma needs help with social work so I could probably start earning there too. We can both save up for your college tuition. Whatever profession you want to have in the future, I'll support you every step of the way, okay?" 

"Okay." Xi Gu says eventually, voice thick, wiping the single tear rolling down his cheek. Hao Ting kisses him on the forehead just as Xi Gu hears the shop's current single staff call out for "XiangGu", telling them their order is ready.

"That's us." Hao Ting raises up a hand and excuses himself to go get their drinks. 

As Hao Ting gives his thanks and accepts his change, the older man leans in close, too close to his boyfriend, before he could turn around and go back to their table. They both share a look, and Xi Gu blinks dumbly as the man nods at his direction, mouth moving fast in a near silent conversation with Hao Ting. Xi Gu can't help but wonder if they knew each other. Suddenly, Hao Ting slams his hands on the counter, smile wide and nodding vigorously. Xi Gu chances a quick look around and is thankful there's only one other patron in the shop and is too busy with their laptop to notice. He glances back at Hao Ting in time to see him turn, looking like all his wishes simultaneously came to true.

Hao Ting rushes back to him, completely forgetting their orders. Xi Gu feels a spike of curiosity and worry in equal measure at the seeming extreme emotional reaction of the other boy. "What is it? What happened?" 

"My darling Xiao Yu." Hao Ting take both his hand and holds on tight. He looks so happy, nearly vibrating in his excitement. "That Dage just offered you a part time job."

From the counter, the man calls out with a friendly smile plastered on his face. "Would you be willing to work for me, three hours on school nights and full time on weekends?" 

Xi Gu blinks, not quite believing his luck. He stares at Hao Ting, stares at the man, then to his beaming boyfriend one more time, perplexed. Did he just get employed without even trying?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Feel free to let me know what you think. I don't bite. 😁 (Seriously this self-quarantine is kinda making me all depressed ugh.)


	12. Stay With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone see Wayne's IG post? We love a whipped half of a Soulmate connection. 😂🤣😍 EnZhi is real!
> 
> Thank you so much to all my beloved readers for the continued trust and support. I appreciate it so much like you have no idea. All your comments keep me going. Especially in this tough times. 😷 Wash your hands always and stay safe! This too shall pass. 
> 
> Still unbeta'd so mistakes are my own.
> 
> warnings: triggered panic attack at end of chapter

Zhi Gang's been looking for a part-time worker to help him around the shop during nights and the weekends for nearly a month with no luck. He'd gotten seven applications in total, three of which he considered for training and had given a week's worth of a test run for each individual only to be met with disappointment. 

They were late to work four times out of five, had their faces stuck to their phones ninety percent of the time and couldn't keep track of inventory despite the repeated instructions given. They lack the sense of responsibility and discipline he looked for as an employer. Every last one of them had been a teenager. Therefore, Zhi Gang decided not to hire one moving forward.

Or at least that was the plan until a couple of boys in highschool uniform walked into his shop. 

Zhi Gang was not one to eavesdrop but as he listened to them talk across his counter, he couldn't help but be intrigued. They looked no older than eighteen yet were already making plans to save money for college tuition. When Zhi Gang went to prepare their drinks, his interest grew upon hearing the bigger teen refer to himself as the other's boyfriend with not an ounce of shame. As if whatever anyone listening might say about them was of no significance to him.

Watching them at the corner of his eye, he concluded that they were a young gay couple who were probably driven away from their homes because of their unconventional relationship, like he did before when he'd been a teenager himself. They sound like they've been supporting each other but are still having financial problems, thus the talk about saving up early. Zhi Gang knew firsthand the struggles that involved being cut off from family for loving someone your parents and the majority of society think is wrong and still deciding to follow your heart. 

He already assumed by the conversation they had that the taller boy already has a job and is in charge of their expenses after the shorter one had complained about how he wanted to help and didn't want to be a burden. Worries that were put to rest by firm, sincere words.

The way the larger boy acted towards his lover and the general manner in which he looked at him as if he hung the stars, touched Zhi Gang in ways nothing else had done in a long while. It was such a heartwarming sight to witness. They so obviously love and care for each other a great deal and Zhi Gang found himself wanting to help ease their struggles any way he could.

And so he asked the boy, Xiang Hao Ting, as he found out, if his boyfriend, Yu Xi Gu, would be interested in working for him part-time. The mix of joy and relief that lit both pair of crescent-shaped and large doe-like eyes after hearing his offer would stay with him for a long time.

* * *

This has never happened to him before. Not only did he get hired on the same night he quit his job, but the salary was higher in the new place of work with the manual labor reduced to almost half of what he usually did. He's been pinching his cheeks to make sure he's not dreaming while Hao Ting gave him pecks every few minutes after the short interview to help with his nerves.

Now that they're officially a couple, kissing Hao Ting has been constantly in his mind. Xi Gu has become highly receptive of every small, tender touch from the other boy. But he wanted to make a good impression on his boss. A lovestruck teenager was not how he wanted to present himself. Fortunately, Lu Zhi Gang didn't seem to mind and even called them brave for being so open about their relationship.

"He's so nice. You think so too right? That Lu Zhi Gang-Ge." Xi Gu knows he's gushing but he can't help it. He looks back inside the shop and waves, smiling at his new boss while carefully holding the job contract in his other hand, not wanting to wrinkle even a tiny portion of the paper.

Xi Gu's officially starting on Sunday. Hao Ting mentioned getting the answer from his parents about his new living arrangements on Friday and he wanted to make sure that they would have enough time moving Xi Gu's things to his room in the Xiang household before starting his new job. Hao Ting believes that his Ma and Pa would say yes to his proposal. Xi Gu hopes he wouldn't be too upset if what he wants doesn't happen.

Hao Ting motions for Xi Gu to hand over the contract, plastic envelope at the ready. He turns Xi Gu around and gingerly tucks the item into the main compartment of his backpack. "So you like him then?" 

"Yeah." Xi Gu nods enthusiastically. "He seems friendly. He smiles a lot and he has really gentle eyes. His voice is soothing too." He explains, realizing more than halfway through his words that Hao Ting might take his admiration for his boss the wrong way. He doesn't understand why he's comfortable around Lu Zhi Gang, though his easy acceptance of their relationship probably had to do with his high regard of the man. It was a nice feeling talking to him, almost like meeting an old friend after a long time of not seeing each other. Still, he probably shouldn't sing another man's praises while he's with his boyfriend.

He faces Hao Ting after he's done zipping up his bag, expecting to see him displeased, but to Xi Gu's surprise, he actually looks relieved.

"I'm glad." Hao Ting glances at the shop then at Xi Gu. "I didn't like how your previous boss looked at you. I could tell you were anxious around him." He heaves out a breath, smiles as he steps closer, fingers cradling his jaw. "I would much prefer you to work where you're comfortable. And Zhi Gang-Ge is a good employer, and an even better person. I'm sure he'll appreciate your work ethic in no time and you'll grow close like brothers."

Xi Gu matches his smile and accepts his tender kiss happily. "Speaking from experience?" 

"Maybe." 

Xi Gu huffs blithely and pinches his cheek. "Admit it. You know him, don't you?"

"Ow, Xiao Yu that hurt." Hao Ting mock winces. Xi Gu laughs, soft and light, and kisses the sore spot, transforming his pout into another smile.

"Yes, I know him." He nods. "But he doesn't know me. Just heard about him, saw him a couple of times. It was..." He coughs once, clears his throat. "...someone I knew who worked for him, who was close to him and he came to treat as his Didi."

Xi Gu blinks, concern creeping in whenever Hao Ting looks like he's about to cry, and can't help but wonder if the late Xiao Xingxing had been the one who worked for his current boss. 

"So I know he's kind and caring. I didn't expect Zhi Gang-Ge to be hiring but us coming here tonight was perfect. You get to have a new job and I would be able to sleep at night knowing your employer won't be an ass."

"Hey." Xi Gu slaps him lightly on the arm, chastising. "My previous boss might have had a temper and liked the sound of his voice too much but he paid me on time. I was grateful for that."

"Alright, alright. I won't defame your last boss anymore." Hao Ting chuckles, takes Xi Gu's hand and walks toward their parked bike while looking at the sky, frowning. "There's very little visibility of stars tonight. It looks like it's going to rain." 

Xi Gu tears his gaze away from the sky and looks at his watch, feeling a spike of worry when he realizes the time. He completely lost track. "It's almost eleven. Are you gonna be okay? Your parents—"

"Making the call right now." Hao Ting cuts in, finger on his lips. The line connects as they arrive at the bike's parking spot and he spends the next minute apologizing on the phone.

"I'm sorry." Xi Gu apologizes once the call finishes. He hates the thought of Hao Ting getting into trouble with his family because of him.

"Don't be. I wanted to be here. With you." Hao Ting says as he pockets his phone. He leans over and gives him a featherlight kiss on the nose. "There's no other place I'd rather be right now."

"Crazy." Xi Gu mutters as he shakes his head, trying to stop the smile from spreading across his face but to no avail. He takes a step and circles his arms around Hao Ting's waist, the empty lunchbags on his torso blocking their bodies from pressing together. But this is fine too. "Thank you. For being here for me." Xi Gu says in earnest and then tilts his chin upward, lips meeting like magnets. 

"Anytime for my precious baobei." Hao Ting whispers with a content sigh. He embraces him fully and gently squeezes his shoulders before they set out for Xi Gu's home. 

Unfortunately, the heavens opened when they made the turn to the street leading to his apartment. They got soaked in the rain. Luckily, their bags are waterproof and the contract wasn't damaged in any way. However, it soon became clear that it wouldn't be safe for Hao Ting to pedal home in the middle of such downpour.

Xi Gu shivers and glances down at his watch. It's a little over eleven and he doesn't think he'd be able to sleep without knowing if Hao Ting made it home safe if he decides to brave the streets. For the first time, he laments his lack of a phone. 

"I don't think it's stopping anytime soon." Hao Ting says, brows furrowed as they sit dripping on the ground floor steps. He stands, face morphing into a determined look that makes Xi Gu's stomach sink. Hao Ting glances at him and smiles. "Why don't you go up and get changed? I'm already soaked anyway so I can just leave—" 

"Stay the night." Xi Gu blurts out, hand springing forth to grab Hao Ting's wrist. "I mean—" He pauses, swallowing through the thundering in his heart, reminded of the horrifying fact that his parents' accident happened on a rainy night just like this one. "It's dangerous in this kind of weather. What if on the way home you..."

Xi Gu can't bring himself to say it.

"Yu Xi... are you sure?" 

"Please stay the night." He repeats, desperation seeping into his voice. "Can't you call your parents and tell them you're staying over? You should have been home hours ago if it weren't for me. It's late and the streets aren't safe with this heavy rain. What if you get into an accident? I can't..." _Lose you too._ Xi Gu rises to his feet and looks at him imploringly. "Don't leave. Please?"

Hao Ting stares at him unmoving, unblinking until thunder loudly rumbles and lightning flashes, crackling overhead like a giant whip and leaving the smell of ozone in the air. It startles Xi Gu and forces a frightened yelp out his throat.

He's been afraid of thunder and lightning since he was a child, a fear that had gotten worse when his parents passed and no one was there to comfort him anymore. Auntie hated it when he cried for something so trivial and so he learned to keep his mouth shut to avoid further angering the only family he had. But the fear never left. It was always there, rendering him anxious for hours, unable to breathe like normal, let alone sleep. 

Like countless times before, Xi Gu feels dreadful anxiety building up and he screws his eyes shut, legs feeling weak. But then familiar strong arms circle his shoulders and there's suddenly fingers in his hair, his cheek pressing against something wet that he quickly realizes is Hao Ting's drenched uniform shirt.

"I won't leave." Hao Ting mutters, lips against the crown of his head. His heartbeat is steady against Xi Gu's temple, body exuding warmth despite the chill in the air and the dampness on his skin. "Don't be scared. I'm here. I'll stay with you." He soothes as if already knowing firsthand about Xi Gu's phobia.

Xi Gu nods, relief flooding his system from Hao Ting's assuring words. Tension bleeds off his shoulders and he presses himself closer against his boyfriend, arms coming up around his back. 

"Thank you." They stay suspended in the moment until Xi Gu feels sufficiently ready to open his eyes. Lightning strikes outside and he swiftly ducks back into the safety of Hao Ting's chest, feeling ridiculously like a four year old.

"We should go to your room. The lightning shouldn't be as scary there than it is down here." Hao Ting pets his hair, gentle strokes across his back. "We're making puddles too. I don't think your landlord is going to be happy about that."

That sobers Xi Gu up and he pulls away abruptly, looks down at the mess they made. His eyes dart around to find a mop and spotting one by the corner, he makes for it only to be blocked by Hao Ting's arms. "Leave it. I'll mop it later. Right now, you need to change into a dry set of clothes. You're shivering. I don't want you falling sick."

Touched at hearing his concerned words, it occurs to Xi Gu that Hao Ting probably doesn't have spare clothing with him. "Did you bring anything that you can wear?" Hao Ting blinks, looking surprised, like it didn't even cross his mind that Xi Gu won't have clothes in his size. 

"I have my PE uniform?" Hao Ting's brows furrow. "I was helping Teacher Huang with something and didn't play basketball so I didn't sweat out so much. I can wear that."

"But to sleep?" Xi Gu's lips purse, mind racing as he gives Hao Ting a once over. Some of his shirts should fit him since he's always preferred wearing loose tops, but he doesn't think his shorts will fit his boyfriend. Or maybe the stretchy gartered sweatpants might have a chance? It hits Xi Gu that his apartment is also a mess and he can't have Hao Ting sleep there in the state it's in.

The sky rumbles threateningly once more but Xi Gu resolutely tries to ignore the spike of anxiety in his chest. He takes a steadying breath and quickly goes about picking up their backpacks and the empty lunchbags on the floor. 

"What are you doing?" Hao Ting asks, hand barely touching his bag before Xi Gu straps them to his person. "You don't have to carry those."

"It's fine. I'll take our things to my room. You said you'll mop the puddles right?" At Hao Ting's nod, he adds. "Okay. So uhh, you do that and I'll go up first to prepare our bed." He trails off, wide-eyed. And judging by how his boyfriend perked up, the implication didn't simply go over his head. "That didn't sound right. I didn't mean it like that."

"I know, Xiao Yu." Hao Ting replies amused, then pulls him gently forward to kiss one blushing cheek. "You're so cute when you're flustered."

"Don't make fun of me." Xi Gu grumbles while adjusting the bags. 

Hao Ting helps him, chuckling. "I'm not."

"I was just going to clean my room and look for clothes that might fit you so we can sleep."

"You don't have to explain. I know what you meant." Hao Ting assures him with a soft peck then regards him solemnly. "And so we're clear, just because we're a couple now doesn't mean we're doing _that_ anytime soon. I'm happy just to be able to hold you and kiss you and be with you when you need me. Don't feel like you should do something you're not ready for, okay?"

Xi Gu haven't thought far into their relationship, but he was aware enough that sooner or later Hao Ting might expect sex from him. Because wasn't that how couples proved their love for each other? They're going to be alone tonight. Things could escalate like it did that afternoon and Xi Gu frets. Hao Ting had come to mean so much to him in such a short time and he guessed, he'd been worried deep down, what if Hao Ting realizes he's wasting his time because Xi Gu refused to sleep with him.

It's a stupid thought. Hao Ting has always reminded him that he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to. And yet for all of his seeming maturity and preference for boundaries, he was still a teenager with needs. Needs that Xi Gu is embarrassed to say, Hao Ting awakened in him too. But though he enjoys kissing his boyfriend and hearing him make those low, guttural noises when Xi Gu touches him with intent, he doesn't think he's ready for the actual sex part of it yet. Or maybe he's just getting ahead of himself. 

Nevertheless, Hao Ting sensing his worries and telling him that he will wait until he's ready is something Xi Gu didn't know he needed to hear until Hao Ting gave it voice. Foreboding uncoils in his stomach and he lets out a breath he was not even aware he'd been holding.

"I trust you." Xi Gu replies with a grateful smile and smooches him square on the mouth, before he's running to the stairs, bags and all.

"Be careful." Hao Ting calls out. 

"I am." Xi Gu calls back as he disappears up the steps. "Don't take too long."

* * *

"Thank you, Mommy. I'll be sure to stop by at the house in the morning before going to school. Tell Pa I'm sorry and Meimei good night. Love you."

Standing by Xi Gu's apartment door, Hao Ting ends the call. Since he's no longer playing video games, he still has fifty percent power left at the end of the school day. Unfortunately, he forgot to bring his charger so he will have to make do with turning the ultra battery saving mode on.

Thankfully, Pa is already sleeping and Mommy had been understanding of the situation. She would rather he stay the night with his friend than be out in the road where it's dangerous. She did still sound a little mad at him for losing track of time. Though to be honest, even if she said no, he'd still stay. Not only for Xi Gu worrying for his safety, but the simple fact that there is no way he'd leave his baobei alone on a night when one of his childhood fears is actively causing him terror no matter how much he pretends to be unbothered.

Hao Ting knocks. "Xiao Yu?" The door swings open. Xi Gu awaits on the other side, already in a white T-shirt and maroon shorts and holding a pale green towel. He takes a cursory glance of the room and notices the changes from that morning. Mainly with the missing laundry and the scattered books already stacked on a shelf. He's also pretty sure that the covers had been gray but is now a powdery blue. There's also clothes on the bed, a plain white shirt with a dog print and dark-gray sweatpants that he's sure is meant for his use.

"You found me something that fits?"

"Yep." Xi Gu gestures at the bed. "Or at least I think it should. It's the biggest pair I have."

Hao Ting grins, knowing for a fact that that particular pair will fit him perfectly. They're the exact same ones he frequently wore at home in that other life. Xi Gu had no problems wearing his clothes. Anything that was regular on him had always been oversized on Xi Gu— watching him walk around their apartment in nothing but Hao Ting's shirt barely making it past creamy pale thighs was one of his favorite things to do— but he only ever comfortably fit into two of Xi Gu's clothes and he'd learned to take extra good care of the garments as if they were an extention of his baobei themselves before he—

"I'm sure they'll fit alright." Hao Ting chokes out, vehemently shaking off the memory of that day before it could latch onto the broken parts of him and ruin an otherwise great night.

"Let's hope so. Sit." Xi Gu instructs, depositing him on a plastic chair as he pulls him further inside.

The towel lands on his head and before Hao Ting knows what's happening, Xi Gu starts drying his hair with diligent rubs, from his fringe to the base of his skull and back again, sending delightful shivers down his spine. He leaves Xi Gu to his ministrations until he considers his work satisfactory. 

"There. You don't look like a drowned rat anymore." Xi Gu teases after one final rub across his scalp. The weight of his hand leaves and Hao Ting is next looking down at the pair of clothes lying on the bed earlier pressing against his chest. "Dry yourself and change into these."

"Sir, yes sir." Hao Ting playfully replies with a jaunt salute before he removes the towel altogether from his head. He's smiling up at Xi Gu, about to say his thanks, when his gaze drifts to the side and his eyes land on the wallpaper.

Everything explodes in a haze of red.

_Tears trickle from weakly fluttering eyes as Xi Gu's twitching fingers graze his cheek. Hao Ting wails, down on his knees, cradling Xi Gu's broken body againt his chest. He repeatedly begs him to hold on, the ambulance will arrive soon, don't close your eyes, look at me, Xiao Yu, please look at me. You can't leave like this. No! Stay with me! Yu Xi Gu!_

_"I'm... sorry." His name barely makes it past bloodstained trembling lips before beloved dark eyes fall shut and Xi Gu goes limp in his arms._

Hao Ting's entire world shatters and he can't do anything else but scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to end the chapter here 😟 But don't worry. Xi Gu is there. He'll pull Hao Ting out of it. 😭 It's all gonna be short and very temporary. Don't throw the salt shaker at me.
> 
> Also, how are you guys doing during quarantine? I'm beginning to drive me stir-crazy. When will we find a damned cure. 😭


	13. Comfort and To New Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when I'm writing I feel like I'm the only one who can picture it in my head and everyone else might not have the same experience and just find it boring Dx
> 
> This constant anxiety over covid is really doing a number on my mental health. Still, hope you guys find this chapter to your liking. 
> 
> Unbeta'd so any mistakes are still my own.

Xi Gu watched helplessly as Hao Ting screamed and sagged like a marionette with its strings cut, his eyes wide and unseeing. He tried to bring him out of his head, coaxing him back to reality like he did that afternoon. But Hao Ting remained unresponsive to his ministrations. It reminded Xi Gu of the day he saw him at the clinic with Dr. Jiang

Dr. Jiang said that sometimes, especially in the case of severe panic attacks, you just have to wait until the sufferer surfaces back on their own. But Xi Gu has no way of knowing when that will be. Hao Ting is rain-soaked and he needs him dry and dressed before he catches a cold.

With a determined breath, Xi Gu decides to change his clothes for him.

There is no room for embarrassment. Xi Gu works on getting his boyfriend progressively naked with each article of clothing removed while stubbornly pretending that he is just a patient needing his help. However, all the stoicism he could muster still couldn't quite calm his racing heart when he got to Hao Ting's boxer briefs, thinking how he can't possibly invade his privacy like that. But then he notices something bright red trickle down his thigh and Xi Gu drops his indecision.

He pulls the lampshade closer and pushes up the boxer's inseam, revealing bandages along Hao Ting's inner thigh. It's saturated in blood— fresh and crusted alike— when he peels back the gauze. Hao Ting doesn't even flinch when he prods at the site of the wound. Xi Gu exhales, heart squeezing something awful when he sees four distinct lacerations through all the red, swiftly coming to the realization that the deep cuts appear to be self-inflicted. 

Xi Gu wastes no time in bringing out his basic first aid kit to clean the wound and redress the bandage. Hao Ting comes back to himself as Xi Gu is finishing up. He gasps which dissolves into a pained moan, looking around like he can't recall where he is. Xi Gu quickly tries to assure him, explain what happened when Hao Ting reels him in and throws his arms around his waist. He clings, face buried against Xi Gu's stomach as he breaks down into sobs, muttering the words, _'You're alive, you're okay.'_ interspersed by Xi Gu's name like a broken record.

Xi Gu rakes his fingers through Hao Ting's hair, waiting patiently until he's sufficiently calmed down, hot tears filling his eyes at hearing his desperate relief. Hao Ting rears back and pulls him down in a flash. They kiss and kiss until Xi Gu is dizzy, choked up with emotions that seep into his soul from Hao Ting through their lips. 

"Let's get you changed." He urges breathlessly as they lay slumped by the edge of the bed and he helps Hao Ting with the rest of his clothes. 

Hao Ting stares, like he can't bear to take his eyes off Xi Gu. Up until they're both on the bedspread, clean and dry and snuggled under the covers, Hao Ting would always gravitate to watching him like a hawk, as if afraid Xi Gu would suddenly disappear. His pulse is still too fast to be considered normal, but as long as he's no longer screaming or stuck in a catatonic like state, Xi Gu counts that as a win. 

When Hao Ting seems to have had his fill, he starts apologizing in earnest. "I didn't mean to... The wallpaper just caught me off guard." He says despondently and Xi Gu realizes guiltily that no matter how beautiful the Rose Nebula is, it still appears like a giant blood splatter on a wall in a dimly lit room. With Hao Ting's traumatic past, it would be wise to assume that a pool of blood, or something resembling it can be a trigger.

"It's okay. I understand. It was my—"

"It's not okay. I can't... keep doing this to you." He says, self-loathing coating every word. 

Hao Ting hates troubling Xi Gu, somehow under the misguided notion that at the rate they're going, it will only be a matter of time before he gets sick of having to deal with Hao Ting's panic attacks and dump him, which can't be further from the truth. 

Xi Gu's always been absorbed worrying about the future with set goals hindering him from making friends. And though he lived with his Aunt and she loved him as much as she was capable of giving, the moment he could earn, she couldn't get rid of him fast enough. He's not used to thinking of someone else's welfare other than his own but found that he likes it when Hao Ting depends on him, that he gets to take care of him, and that he's probably the only person in the world that he completely trusts. 

Xi Gu always felt like a burden around his only living relative. But with Hao Ting, he felt cherished, needed even.

"I'm sorry, Xiao Yu." Hao Ting pulls him closer until his face is pressed against the skin of Xi Gu's neck, legs intertwining as they cuddle under the sheets with Xi Gu strategically facing the wall.

Raindrops continue to pitter patter against the closed windows outside. Thunder and lightning for the first time didn't scare him as he put all his attention on his distraught boyfriend. 

"That's the fourth time you said that." Xi Gu removes the one arm draped across Hao Ting's back and strokes the boy's hair, pad of a thumb smoothing the crease in between his eyebrows. "I didn't mind. Stop stressing over it, hm?" 

"You shouldn't have had to do that." Hao Ting sighs heavily. "You shouldn't have seen that."

There's no question as to what he's alluding to.

"Well, I'm glad I did." Xi Gu replies frankly, tilting Hao Ting's face up. "I know enough about trauma that some people cope through self-harm. I'm not going to judge you for it." He says. "Though I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself again. Instead, when it becomes too much to handle, find me, talk to me. I promise l'll always be here for you."

They hold each other's gaze for moments until Hao Ting sniffs and slowly nods. They share another kiss before snuggling ever closer, Xi Gu's lips resting against Hao Ting's hair, humming a tune under his breath and patting his back like a child. It occurs to him then that what he's doing is the same way Ma used to comfort him after a nightmare. The thought makes him smile.

"Xi Gu?" 

"Mhm?"

"There are a lot of reckless drivers in the streets. Promise me you'll always be careful in crossing and practice awareness with your surroundings when out on the road? I don't..." A shaky breath. "...want to lose you too."

Xi Gu pauses in his gentle patting. Hao Ting hasn't shown interest in getting professional help despite Dr. Jiang's recommendation. If he's used to keeping to himself, Xi Gu can't blame him for his avoidance. He's never once actively talked about his past. Xi Gu only knew so much due to circumstances. But it seems that he's finally taking the first step in opening up to him. 

He shifts in his embrace until they're eye to eye and reaches out a hand to cradle his cheek. "I promise. I'll always be careful." Xi Gu knows his words won't fully stop Hao Ting's tendency to worry, but he could at least lessen the burden of anxiety. Give him some peace of mind. 

Hao Ting smiles— like watching the sun peek over stormy skies after days of rain— and kisses the palm of his hand. "Thank you." He says as he tries to stifle a yawn, eyes blinking drowsily.

Hao Ting looks tired. It's strange. Like him, Hao Ting is only sixteen or seventeen. Xi Gu doesn't know how long ago he lost his previous love, he guessed it was recent with how broken up he still is, but the weariness in his eyes appears to be bone-deep, an exhaustion that far surpasses the physical. As if he's been mourning for at least half a decade and time hasn't healed him at all.

Xi Gu intimately knows that expression. He saw it everyday, for the first three years, whenever he looked in the mirror after losing his parents.

"We should sleep." Xi Gu fluffs up Hao Ting's pillow, adjusts the blanket to make sure they're both suitably covered. He never thought he'd one day invite anyone in his apartment, let alone share a bed. He lies down again, his back plastered across the other boy's front with Hao Ting's arms instantly wrapping around him like a cocoon; his own human heater. The space isn't much and his boyfriend is literally a giant of a high schooler so it's a bit of a tight fit. 

"If this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up." Hao Ting whispers against his ear, lips moving against the nape of his neck that makes goose pimples break out on his skin. 

"I'm here." Xi Gu interlocks his fingers with Hao Ting's own splayed across his chest. "And I'll still be here when you wake up tomorrow."

There isn't an immediate reply until, "Don't leave." Hao Ting mumbles. "Xi Gu... I love you..." 

Xi Gu stills, heart skipping a beat as heat rushes to his cheeks. He doesn't dare move after hearing Hao Ting's sleepy rumblings, waiting for the other boy to say more, see if he's expecting an answer. But there's only the even slow breaths indicating that Hao Ting had already fallen asleep. 

Xi Gu doesn't like acknowledging that niggling doubt in his heart about Hao Ting's affections for him. But he does feel some measure of jealousy for the boy that Hao Ting loved before. Xi Gu thought that he might have never stopped loving that person, and maybe saw some of his dead lover's traits in him and he was some type of replacement. 

But it was Xi Gu's name he kept repeating as he sobbed in relief, grateful that he was alive. Not once did he mention the late Xiao Xing. Hao Ting looked at him and Xi Gu felt seen as he is.

And now... 

_He said he loves me. He called me by my name._

When Xi Gu finally succumbs to slumber, heart feeling a size too large for his chest and a content smile on his face, he dreams of the two of them beneath a starry sky. 

Hao Ting is making something warm and sweet on a small pot, firefly lights all around them. Xi Gu is talking about his parents and the story of the people reborn as stars after they die. Hao Ting hangs onto his every word as if he is the center of his universe and swears to always be by his side.

 _I want to study in the same department with you_. Hao Ting promises and seals it with a kiss.

* * *

_It doesn't look like A'Hao had a good night's sleep. He keeps yawning. Also, he's walking funny. I'm telling you something happened. You wouldn't believe the things I learned about gay sex last night. I couldn't even look Xiao Gao Chun in the eye when we were done with the book._

Xia De sighs and sends a quick LINE message to the walking annoyance he calls a brother. 

_I'm in the middle of a lesson. Shouldn't you be focusing on class? Stop pestering me, Ge._

He had the unfortunate luck of catching his brother, Xiao Chun and another vaguely familiar looking classmate making scandalized, gasping noises every few seconds while bent over the pages of a BL manga at the back of the gym the previous night. Ridiculousness aside, Xia De appreciates the fact that his brother has been very repentant and vocal in understanding the "gay path" to be a better friend to A'Hao and be nicer to Xi Gu. He'd given them fifteen minutes to absorb what they were reading before he showed himself and took them out of their misery.

He stashes the phone away and looks to the front of the class. Like clockwork, his gaze drifts toward Xi Gu and he sees him hiding a yawn behind his left hand before smacking his cheeks in what looks to be an effort to stay awake. 

Huh. Now that he thinks about it, Xi Gu has been looking a bit sleep-deprived. He arrived five minutes before class which was odd since he's usually the first one in, punctual as he is. (Yesterday was different because he was eating at the cafeteria with Hao Ting.) But said brother hadn't been with Xi Gu today so he thought they didn't come to school together. But then he finds out that A'Hao seem to also be lacking sleep like Xi Gu?

His phone vibrates. There's one unread message from his twin. Despite his exasperation, he can't help but be curious what else he has to say.

_Wait wait wait! Can you at least tell me how is Yu Xi Gu faring over there? He sent A'Hao to class earlier and A'Hao has been very careful in moving around. They both looked sleep-deprived. I'm telling you they had sex!_

Xia De inwardly groans. He kind of expected his brother's overactive imagination to jump to that conclusion, but he's sure it can't be farther from the truth for the sole reason that Xi Gu is not the type to be so easily swayed into intimacy of that degree. A'Hao's past girlfriends more or less idealized him, fawning because of his "cool" and "bad boy" reputation, plus the absurd height really makes the girls swoon. But Xi Gu is the first person, at least the only one he's aware of, that A'Hao took an intense interest on. Xia De doesn't think his sworn brother will do something as caveman as demand sex so early in their dating life and risk putting Xi Gu off indefinitely.

Another message pops up.

_I might have underestimated Yu Xi Gu if A'Hao is the one having a hard time walking._

Somebody save him from losing any more brain cells from a conversation with his brother.

_Stop talking nonsense. I'm turning my phone off._

Xia De sends the text and does exactly what he said all the while mentally convincing himself that he's definitely not jealous. He likes Xi Gu. The feelings never stopped even when he found out that A'Hao liked him too and made a firm stance of courting him. But Xia De is first a brother and a friend. And Xi Gu likes A'Hao back. He's never seen him smile as much as he does around him. Xia De already vowed to not be the jerk who incites drama between the two people he cares about and he's keeping it that way.

* * *

It's been weird between him and Xia En after reading those books. Gao Chun merely exchanged a few words with him during first period before basically giving each other the silent treatment, conversing solely through texts mainly consisting of Xia En coming to ludicrous conclusions as to why A'Hao is not acting his usual bubbly self.

But then Xia En suddenly approached him during break time and pulled him along halfway through finishing the contents of his lunchbox. He didn't invite Lao Sun and his twin brother to come with and Gao Chun's cursed brain went straight to the multiple confession scenes he read in the manga and his heart had since pounded like a drum.

"What are we doing here?" Gao Chun gulps as soon as they arrive at the school clinic, his treacherous brain providing him a steady supply of NC-17 material. 

"A'Hao disappeared at lunch again. So did Yu Xi Gu." Xia En whispers, clamping a hand on his mouth before leaning over him to carefully open the door. "I've been thinking of places where they could be spending time together since they weren't in our usual hangouts. Here was the next best bet. Ah, the doctor's not in. Come on." 

Gao Chun pushes his hand away and stops him in his tracks. His brows furrow, resolutely ignoring the way Xia En's breath tickling his ear just made him shiver. "Don't you think A'Hao's going to get mad if we intrude on their alone time? I mean, he didn't look like he wanted to talk."

Xia En appears to think but quickly shakes his head. "I know that." He sighs, one hand over his head. He might act like what happened didn't bother him as much, but he's obviously worked up. He can't blame Xia En. None of them expected Xiang Hao Ting to look so scary.

"Look, if we don't corner him and talk to him, he might cut ties before we could let him know that we accept him with Yu Xi Gu." Xia En once again invades his personal space, big brown eyes imploring. His delicate pretty features so up close truly isn't fair.

"I was the one who hurt his boyfriend. It's going to be my fault if our brother left. You're the only one I can count on. My Didi and Lao Sun don't believe A'Hao would drop us just like that. And maybe he won't. But the look in his eyes when he had his hand around my throat keeps making me think otherwise. I want to clear the air between us. I can't let my stupidity kill our friendship."

Just like the hundred times before, Gao Chun can't really say no to the pouting. "Fine." He huffs, pushing him back with a finger on his chest. "But if they're not inside, that's it. I'm not letting you drag me all around campus. We might be late again. Mom hounded me so much about my midterm results my ears are still ringing and I don't want to give her more ammunition."

"Mhm! Thank you, Xiao Gao Chun. You're really my bestfriend." Xia En hugs him quickly, wide grin on his face. Ugh, stop smiling already.

After sending each other okay hand signs, they enter the room, pretending to be stealthy ninjas as they make a beeline for the second bed. They stop just outside of the curtain dividers, ears out for any strange noises. They look at each other solemnly before their shared troublemaker blood has them dissolving into deranged muted giggles when reminded that the BL mangas they read seemed to share a common trope of couples behind unlocked doors getting caught. 

When there's only silence and they've recovered from slapping each other silly, Gao Chun slips his head in through the gap. Xia En holds onto his waist, chin propped over his shoulder, blinking at what they find.

A'Hao is fast asleep. Him and Yu Xi Gu both are. 

Hao Ting is on his back, lips nestled on Xi Gu's mop of hair while the shorter boy has his head on Hao Ting's chest. His slender right arm is thrown over Hao Ting's waist, while Hao Ting's left hand holds onto Xi Gu's forearm. Xi Gu's left hand lies between them, interlocked with the fingers of Hao Ting's right hand curled around his upper body.

They appear very cozy, peaceful, serene. A good brother shouldn't disturb such tranquility. Maybe they can try again later during PE class. Gao Chun turns and is about to step back when Xia En whips out his phone and starts recording. 

"What are you doing?" Gao Chun mouths, staring at Xia En like he's lost his mind. He watches as the other boy opens up LINE and sends the short video to Hao Ting's ID riddled with heart emojis, thumbs ups and a multitude of congratulations stickers.

It's too on the nose, which might just work. It's practically overkill that he doubts A'Hao won't understand what A'En's trying to convey. 

"Let's go." Xia En mouths back and pulls him, clasping their hands as they make for the door, leaving the resting lovebirds undisturbed.

Later, Hao Ting approaches them while playing basketball during PE. He's no longer in the standard attire as he had opted to help the Physics Teacher, Mr. Zhan at the observatory when they were told to go nuts at the court. He and Xia En had been waiting with bated breath but A'Hao didn't show any awareness during afternoon class that he saw Xia En's message. 

Until now.

It's awkward at first. Xia En keeps tripping over his words, making puppy eyes at Gao Chun to help him out before he manages to dig himself into a deeper hole he can't get out of. 

By his subtle guidance, Xia En swears to treat Yu Xi Gu like he does his brothers, even promising to protect him if anyone tries to give him a hard time when Hao Ting isn't around which Gao Chun backs up with a firm nod. It's like a switch. Hao Ting's expression lights up and he opens his arms, finally smiling, urging them to "come here" and wrap them both up in a hug. Gao Chun is so happily relieved he almost cries.

Someone clears their throat and they glance at their brother Sun Bo Xiang standing to the side. He's wearing a determined expression, and after what seems like some kind of internal battle, he he takes a deep breath and puffs his chest out.

"I like guys too." He proclaims and the news shocks Gao Chun so much he feels dizzy and his surroundings blur for a second. 

"What?!" Xia En exclaims the same time he does.

"It's true. I've always been attracted to guys. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

Sun Bo has been quiet since yesterday's events at the rooftop and went home as soon as they were done spying on Hao Ting. Gao Chun never thought he'd been feeling troubled because the talk of A'Hao's sexuality resonated with him on a personal level. In a panic, he tries to backtrack if he said anything that could have offended him. 

A'Xiang turns to Hao Ting, spine rigid and bows. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything. That I made you feel like you were alone in this struggle. I didn't know what to do. I was scared. I... I would understand if you don't want to be friends anymore after I let you down."

Hao Ting extracts himself from their circle and readily pulls Sun Bo Xiang into a one-armed hug. "Idiot." He says but his words don't come off mean. He smiles at their shamefaced brother and rubs his shaved-head affectionately. "It was your secret. You decide if you want to let others know. You were under no obligation to come out just because I did."

Sun Bo worries his bottom lip. "But..."

Hao Ting shakes his head. "No. I'm having none of that. We're good. Unless..." He turns to Gao Chun and Xia En, eyes narrowing. "You guys have a problem with Bo Xiang liking guys?" 

Xia En chuckles nervously, backing a few steps and appearing to shrink as the taller boy looms over him. Hao Ting's sharp and intensely focused eyes must have caused some kind of trauma. "No. No, no, no. No problem here at all. It's not like Lao Sun likes... any of us?" He hesitantly holds out a peace sign and Gao Chun can almost imagine him try to cover himself like some frail maiden.

Scarily enough, Gao Chun doesn't really hate the mental image.

"Please." Hao Ting snorts and eyerolls. "You don't have to worry about Bo Xiang liking either of you. Believe me, you're not his type. And besides, if he was to like someone..." He rakes his fingers through his hair and strikes a pose. "It'd be on my level."

Gao Chun kind of wants to smack him upside the head. Then again, A'Hao's confidence is one of the traits he likes most about him. It is that same confidence that had him come to Gao Chun's rescue when he was bullied in Middle School. Though Hao Ting's retort of making the student get hated by every student through his genius borderline-evil scheming and he regretted his actions, a part of Gao Chun would always be grateful because that incident brought Xiang Hao Ting and his band of merry misfits into his life. 

"Ha ha." Sun Bo deadpans and pushes Hao Ting off of him roughly. The motion looks playful but why is their brother turning pale so suddenly? "W-Who would like you?" Sun Bo stammers. He sticks out his tongue, crosses his arms and angles his body to the side, away from Hao Ting. Gao Chun isn't the brightest crayon in the box but oh God, that was so obvious. Lao Sun likes A'Hao!

That's... really sad considering the situation. He glances at Xia En and sees the same realization there. What will this mean for their friendship? Hopefully nothing bad.

Hao Ting pulls out his phone and pretty much brags about his home screen wallpaper, a fox-filter edit of Xi Gu's photo. "My baobei likes me." He singsongs and gushes and spends the next ten minutes sighing like a lovestruck idiot, regaling them all of how perfect and beatiful and amazing Yu Xi Gu is.

Why does it feel like they just unleashed a monster?

* * *

"A'Hao, I've been meaning to ask."

"Oh, Xiao Chun. What is it?" 

"Why are you walking like that? Like you're in pain?" 

"Oh that? Yeah, I... fell off the bike. Yep, I did."

"Aaahh." Then, "A'En you owe me money!" 

* * *

Bo Xiang didn't want to come to the yogurt and milktea shop and suffer through Xiang Hao Ting waxing poetic over Yu Xi Gu's everything for the rest of the evening. Not to mention that the boyfriend himself is coming with them— to be expected since they're apparently going to his new place of work where he'll be starting the next week— and he'd have to watch them act all lovey-dovey throughout the duration of the visit.

"Please, please, please Sun Bo. I already told Ge I was going to bring my friends. You need to come with. It's not going to be the same without you."

But Hao Ting never gave up, clinging to him like a limpet, being extra annoying until Sun Bo finally accepted. He has half a mind to suspect that Hao Ting knows about his feelings and is making him uncomfortable on purpose. Nothing quite like standing there, fighting off a giant husky, while the husky's boyfriend sends icy daggers his way to make him quickly acquise in the off chance he might simultaneously turn into an ice sculpture through sheer glare alone. 

"Ah there it is!" Hao Ting shouts, pointing at the glass walls of a shop ahead. The lovebirds are at the front of their group, followed directly by Xia En and Gao Chun still arguing over some bet they made, with him and Xia De holding the rear.

The shop is indeed just walking distance from the school. Not too close and not too far. Bo Xiang sends a text to his sister that he might be coming home late. He doubts he'll stay long. He can maybe leave after getting his order, drinks that Hao Ting promised was his treat for their little misunderstand coming to an end and to also celebrate Xi Gu having new friends. It's best to let his family know where he is to avoid worry.

A part of him wishes he'd just taken the bike and left for home. But Hao Ting pumping him full blast with his miserable puppy eyes coupled with the pout is really cheating. 

"Good evening, Zhi Gang-Ge!" He hears Hao Ting and Yu Xi Gu greet someone, probably the owner of the shop going by the respectful tone alone. Ugh. Why are they so synchronized?

"Oh, Xiao Gu, Hao Hao. You're here!"

Hao Hao? Isn't this person supposed to be Xi Gu's new boss? Why is he so chummy with Xiang Hao Ting? Pocketing his phone, Sun Bo rises on the soles of his shoes to take a closer look at this Zhi Gang-Ge. But Hao Ting is too damn tall. He's blocking his line of sight. All he can see is a shoulder.

"Ah, these are our friends." Hao Ting says. Not my. But ours. Him and Yu Xi Gu. A united front. Bo Xiang is not jealous. Nope. He doesn't know the meaning of the word. "This is Xia En. Xiao Gao Chun. Then the guy who looks like Xia En."

"My Didi."

"By four minutes."

"Eh, semantics."

"Aiyah, don't fight." Hao Ting admonishes and wow, he really has that teacher air down. Must be all the time he's been spending with the faculty members. "That's Xia De and this... this is my best friend, Sun Bo Xiang." He's yanked forward and nearly collides with... the most beautiful man he has ever laid eyes on in his entire life!

Sun Bo feels faint. What is this feeling? His heart is suddenly pounding so fast. He tries to say his greetings but his voice is stuck in his throat.

When did his legs turn into jello?

Fingers dig into his biceps, steadying him when he threatens to collapse on the floor like some damsel in distress. "Are you alright, Xiao Xiang?"

Oh, oh... he smells so good. His eyes, his nose, his cheekbones, his lips, oh god his lips. How can a guy look so flawlessly gorgeous? Sun Bo tries to collect his bearings, to use his words once more, but to his mortification, he simply ends up opening and closing his mouth like a fish flopping out of water gasping for air.

No, he's not alright. Not by a long shot. He's pretty sure he's having a heart attack. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys missed it, but I also updated [Chapter 2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22449085/chapters/57138472#works%20kin) of Remember The Time, the Ghost-But-Not-Really-YuXiGy and Amnesiac-HaoTing. Check it out if you haven't yet. It might be a plot you'll like.
> 
> How are you all holding up?


	14. Here and Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. IRL stuff kept piling up and was in a bad headspace for a while. But I'm trying to move past it. This chapter is longer to make up for the wait. Thank you for your patience.
> 
> By the way, does anyone know what happened in Twitter to EnZhi? 😭❤️ MY HEART IS SO FULL. It was like watching Xianggu's future.
> 
> Unbeta'd so any mistakes are still my own.

Hao Ting feared that what happened the night in Xi Gu's apartment was going to be the end of their relationship, that Xi Gu would realize how broken he was and how problematic he was going to be with and he'd decide he didn't want the headache, that they were over before they could begin. 

But he woke up to Xi Gu's gentle shaking in the morning. He hadn't shied away from his touch, no indication that he wanted out of his life. He hovered anxiously, asking if he felt better, if he'd rather go home than go to school so he could rest. Shaking his head, Hao Ting had cupped his cheeks and kissed his worries away, thanking him for everything he'd done the previous night. Xi Gu's beautiful smile and the way he affectionately bopped noses with him did make Hao Ting, for a full thirty minutes, wish they could stay in and cuddle instead.

After showering (separate, because Hao Ting didn't trust himself around a naked Xi Gu first thing in the morning) his baobei helped redress his bandage before they left for his house for a clean change of uniform. He had expected to see his Pa's angry face when they walked through the front door, but he'd been indifferent, watching them consideringly on top of his newspaper at the dining table while Ma endearingly piled up breakfast on their plates.

They brushed their teeth together in front of the bathroom mirror, a treasured domesticity Hao Ting thought he'd never get to experience again that he couldn't help getting choked up and teary-eyed as they smiled at each other in the small space.

Between his classes, the nap he and Xi Gu had at the infirmary, reconciliation with his brothers and his work as a teacher's aid slash pack mule (Xiao Yu's been motherhenning since finding out about his wounds, urging him not to run around too much) the school day ended and he finally got around to getting his best friend and Da Ge acquainted. 

He had counted on his best friend's predictability, and like the first time, one glimpse at Lu Zhi Gang was all it took for Bo Xiang to get tongue-tied and fall in love at first sight, his feelings for Hao Ting cementing as brotherly in the blink of an eye.

Hao Ting's done his part in introducing them to each other, and it's all up to Bo Xiang when to make his move. He'd given his bestfriend his own piece of advice when he'd been the one courting Xi Gu. Bo Xiang had regarded him and his baobei somberly and nodded his head in resolution. 

"I want what you two have," Bo Xiang had exclaimed with a hopeful smile. It's kind of funny how their roles have reversed. He was now his best friend's love coach instead of the other way around.

As his ever dependable wingman and because Hao Ting had always been generous with his brothers, he forwarded the pictures that he'd taken of Lu Zhi Gang on the night Xi Gu got employed to Sun Bo's LINE account. The years he had honed his photography skills studying the cosmos came in handy. Even Mei Fang who had wrinkled her nose at the quality of the candid photos he had of Xi Gu in that other life had been nothing but high praise for the ones he'd recently taken of his baobei. 

After the visit to Lu Zhi Gang's shop and Bo Xiang's grateful crushing hugs, Hao Ting walked Xi Gu back to his apartment and they spent the next two hours studying before Pa called to remind him of the time.

"You have to go. Uncle and Auntie might get angry if you make a habit of spending the night here." Xi Gu reasons when he grumbles about going home. 

Hao Ting sighs, lower lip jutting out as he watches Xi Gu arrange his notes on the study table. 

If it weren't for the fact that he's trying to be on his best behavior because he's still waiting on his father's decision if Xi Gu gets to live with them or not, he'd rather sleep cuddled up with him again tonight. Hao Ting even brought a couple of his clothes with him. As someone who has lived the past several years as an adult, suddenly confined in the constraints of adolescence and is once again expected to be home before curfew stinks.

"I'd rather be here with you." Hao Ting hugs his knees to his chest, still annoyed by the call he received a few minutes ago. "I don't understand why Pa won't just let me sleep here again."

"You've lived there all your life. It's your home."

"You're my home." Hao Ting mutters, speaking truth straight from the heart he doesn't even have to put the effort of thinking it. When he's met with silence, he glances up at Xi Gu from his curled position and unsticks his cheeks from his folded knees when he sees the expression on his baobei's face. "What's wrong?"

Xi Gu stares, before he seems to collect his bearings and he rises from his chair, slowly approaches. "Nothing. I just..." He smiles down at him and climbs on his lap, thighs on either side of his hips with his arms slung around his neck. 

Hao Ting swallows, fingers twitching, before he gently places his hands around Xi Gu's waist to steady him.

Xi Gu leans in, their foreheads touching. "You really know how to make my heart flutter, Xiang Hao Ting." 

His grip on Xi Gu's waist tightens, anticipating. This close, he can smell the fragrance of Xi Gu's shampoo. He's always preferred showering before studying and going to bed. It's nice to know he had the same habit early on. Not surprising, Hao Ting guesses, since Xi Gu usually worked/works nights. He breathes in deeply and licks his lips. 

Xi Gu's focus shift to his mouth, right thumb coming up to prod at his bottom lip. He's silent for a while until, "You know, since that day at the clinic, you've felt strangely familiar." His gaze drift back up and he holds Hao Ting's gaze, dark eyes searching, whispers. "Would you believe me if I told you I think I loved you in a past life?" 

Hao Ting's heart pound as his brain screeches to a grinding halt at Xi Gu's indirect confession. "You... love me?" He stutters out, before the rest of his words catch up and he feels his throat close up, eyes stinging instantly.

Xi Gu slowly nods. "I shouldn't. Not like this. The feelings you bring out in me in such a short period of time shouldn't be possible. It's too strong and I..." His hand shake as he takes a hold of Hao Ting's own and presses his palm over his heart, calling up memories of that night they bared their souls to each other at the resort. "I've known you for all of twelve days, but why do you already feel like home too?"

Hao Ting can't speak, let alone think. He can only stare dumbly as the sudden influx of 'what ifs' flood his entire being at Xi Gu's tremulous words.

The thought that the Yu Xi Gu he loved with the tenacity of a hurricane may well be forever lost after he'd gotten thrown to a time when they weren't together yet had initially devastated him. But Hao Ting had also known he couldn't dwell on such bleak notion for long. The circumstances of their first meeting has already been vastly different. It's unreasonable to expect the course of their relationship to follow the same path, or for Xi Gu to become a carbon copy of his former self in that other life. Difficult as it may be, Hao Ting had somewhat come to terms that his version of Yu Xi Gu was never coming back.

So it can't be. It's not possible. The boy in his arms is not his Xi Gu, yet he just claimed familiarity with him from the first day they met. Didn't Hao Ting time traveled to the past at the time of his death? What if Xi Gu did too? No, it's dangerous to continue entertaining such ideas. If he was really his Xi Gu, why couldn't he remember him? Hao Ting doesn't dare hope. He won't survive another loss even if it's only a result of his foolish wishful thinking. And it isn't fair to this Xi Gu, the boy who has been nothing but sweet and kind and who was always there for Hao Ting when he needed him. It shouldn't matter. At his core, he is still his Xiao Yu. He's the one here now and that should be enough. 

Hao Ting sniffs and mentally shakes off the crippling doubt. He removes the palm he has over Xi Gu's chest so he can rest his ear against where his heart beats steadily, arms coming up to wrap around his lithe frame.

It hits Hao Ting then that Xi Gu is afraid of his feelings, not at all dissimilar to how he'd been before. They had fallen hard for each other, but unlike him, who after the initial shock and denial, had easily accepted that Xi Gu set his heart and soul ablaze with the heat of a thousand clusters of stars, a part of Xi Gu cautiously held back. His baobei loved fiercely but it frightened him then, just like how it frightens him now. He has to find a way to assure him that it's alright to feel the way he does before he gets overwhelmed and in a panic push Hao Ting away.

"I told you that I liked you for a long time when you helped me at the infirmary, right?"

Fingers card through his hair as Xi Gu hums in thought. "Yeah, I remember."

"I don't think I told you the whole story yet." He tilts his face up to meet Xi Gu's curious eyes. "Would you like to hear it?" 

Xi Gu nods and Hao Ting carefully reclines on the bed until they're both lying down, with him on his back and Xi Gu secured on top within his embrace. He begins to tell Xi Gu about what happened in the other life, or at least an edited version of it to fit their current state of affairs.

He starts by recounting the first moment he took notice of him. Xi Gu been asleep on the clinic bed one memorable lunch break and Hao Ting thought it would be funny to draw whiskers on his cheeks, but he lost his balance and ended up falling directly beside him. "You slept on, unaware that I just made a fool of myself. Our faces were this close and my heart, it started hammering like crazy and I ran away. I couldn't breathe. I thought I was having a stroke."

Xi Gu chuckles. "Like Bo Xiang over Zhi Gang-Ge?"

"That..." Hao Ting makes a face. "...is scarily accurate. I didn't think you noticed that." 

"That whole speech about wanting what we have?" At his answering nod, Xi Gu continues. "Your best friend isn't exactly subtle and I..." He clears his throat, averts his gaze. "...might have also been watching him since afternoon. He kept staring at you so I noticed when he changed targets. "

"Oh ho? You were watching him? I wonder why." 

"Don't act cute." Xi Gu huffs. "You know why."

"You were jealous?" Hao Ting points out gleefully. Xi Gu responds by baring his teeth before he leans down and kisses him soundly on the mouth. 

"Mine." Xi Gu says matter-of-factly. "I don't share."

Hao Ting blinks, gobsmacked, and then he's squealing like a schoolgirl with a crush. "Staking your claim just like that. It's hot!" With a dreamy sigh, his arms wind tighter around Xi Gu. "Don't worry, I'm all yours baobei!" He exclaims unabashedly and begins to pepper his face with kisses.

Xi Gu happily accepts each and every sweet peck until Hao Ting calms down enough to resume with his storytelling.

"So there I was, pretty sure I was going crazy. I couldn't stop thinking about you. From the moment I woke up until when I was getting ready for bed, even when I was asleep, I dreamt of you. I wanted to always see you, but you barely looked at your surroundings at school so I could never catch your eye." Hao Ting then tells him how he began to worry the longer he watched him, wondering why he looked tired most days, and hating that he was too much of a coward to try and approach him. 

"Then I overheared how you disliked people who took things for granted. Imagine the terror I felt when I realized I was the the kind person you'd never want to associate with. I had to clean up my act. I noticed how you always looked at the score board and it was when I had that idea. I wanted to impress you, so I studied until my brain started leaking through my ears." Xi Gu snorts. "Its true! I had to be second on the list, right next to your name for any hope of you to notice me."

"And I did." Xi Gu smiles indulgently.

"You did." Hao Ting smiles back, cheeks dimpling. "And I had everything planned out. I was going to try and make friends after the midterms but then... you saw me at the infirmary and I was sure everything was over when I realized who I was hugging. I expected you to pull away. I know I make a pathetic sight while having a panic attack and it wasn't the great first impression I had in mind. But you stayed and even helped me with Dr. Jiang. One thing led to another and here we are."

"Here we are." Xi Gu repeats, reaching down to cup his cheeks. Hao Ting hopes Xi Gu understands what he means to convey, that liking or loving someone doesn't require a time-frame, and that though they've only met recently (in Xi Gu's case) it doesn't make his emotions any less real or valid, or that it should cause confusion and anxiety.

"I knew I loved you soon after I laid eyes on you." Hao Ting brings his own hand up to caress one sharp cheekbone. "Do you believe me?" 

Xi Gu doesn't say anything, simply lets his gaze roam all over his face until he seems to finally find what he's looking for. "I do." Xi Gu replies and then he's closing the distance between them, capturing his lips in a kiss that has all his nerve-endings lighting up.

They kiss as if they're drowning and are each other's air. Their hands wander for long moments, grasping and stroking and groping supple skin in time with the heated dance of their lips. With a bitten-off moan, Xi Gu finally pushes further into his space, delicate fingers on his stomach drifting down and pressing dangerously close to his fly that rips a low, needy groan out of Hao Ting's throat. 

Xi Gu breaks the kiss, their hot breaths mingling as he pants against his mouth, sounding so deliciously obscene in the silence of the room. Hao Ting's pretty sure he's not going to last long with the way Xi Gu is grinding against his crotch, the way their hips hypnotically undulate in unison, lost in the pleasures of friction. "Hao Ting, please."

Hao Ting made a promise to not do anything until Xi Gu is ready but he's so hard right now he feels like he's going to combust and Xi Gu's boldness is really working against his resolve.

"Xiao Yu. Can I touch you? I need—" His breath rushes out of him when Xi Gu rubs his dick through his pants, teeth nipping at his ear. Xi Gu helps him unfasten in earnest, impatience in the way he works Hao Ting's zipper. His lower lip looks bitten red, dark eyes grown darker from arousal with flushed cheeks.

It's not the first time he's seen Xi Gu in the throes of passion, but the way he looks so beautifully exquisite every single time never fails to take his breath away.

"Touch me." Xi Gu urges him and Hao Ting doesn't have to be told twice. He reaches into Xi Gu's own pajama pants and grips the missed and familiar weight of him, his barely stifled moan shooting shivers down his spine.

They soon have a good rhythm going, too late to even think about stopping with sensual eyes trained on each other, the melody of their combined sharp, throaty gasps serving as their background music until Hao Ting feels ready to bursting. "Together." He manages to rasp out before stars explode behind his eyelids and he's pulling Xi Gu close, fingers cradling the base of his skull, whole body shivering from his release. Xi Gu moans his name and he feels him pulse in his grasp, short bursts of warmth coating Hao Ting's hand and forearm before he's melting into his embrace, huffing breathlessly onto his neck, their heartbeats violently pounding as one.

Coming down from his high, Hao Ting stares at the ceiling, equal parts disbelieving and exhilarated of what just happened. He's really here now, isn't he? After what felt like an eternity of suffering, he's truly, finally with Xi Gu and they had just as good as made love, something that has only ever happened in his dreams since that cursed day.

Xi Gu gingerly rises a fraction from his plastered position atop his chest. "Hao Ting?" He reaches down, knuckles of his left hand gently wiping the corner of Hao Ting's eyes, and it's only then does he realize that his tears are free-flowing. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Hao Ting chokes out and then he's looping his arms around his shoulders, hiding his face against the crook of Xi Gu's neck as he breaks down into relieved, grateful sobs. "Nothing's wrong, Xiao Yu. Everything's perfect."

* * *

After Xi Gu helped dry his tears and had also scrunched his nose adorably at the state of their soiled hands, they carefully helped each other walk on shaky legs (not yet fully recovered from the orgasm they just had) towards the bathroom to wash up.

Falling back against the covers, they laid wrapped up in each other, exchanging unhurried and lingering kisses as they basked in the afterglow.

Until Hao Ting's phone rang and his father's severe face appeared on the screen.

Hao Ting nearly curses at the sudden intrusion. He'd completely forgotten about the call his father made. He looks at Xi Gu with wide eyes, a sliver of fear crawling up his spine, recalling the bad memories of the last time his family caught them making out on the couch and the subsequent banning to see each other.

"At least Uncle didn't call when we had our hands in each other's pants?" Xi Gu tries to lighten the mood and it cracks a smile on his face at seeing his baobei's sense of humor back in full swing. He kisses Xi Gu, deep and near-biting before he answers his phone.

"Yep, Pa. I'm on the way. We just finished." He says with a straight face. Xi Gu blinks and dissolves into silent giggles opposite him at the innuendo. "Yeah, there was an equation that was really hard to solve." He adds pointedly and gets a light slap to the arm for his cheekiness. He places a finger over his lips as Xi Gu sobers up and nods, mimics zipping his mouth. "Yeah, I'll be there soon. Bye-bye."

"You are a menace." Xi Gu admonishes him as soon as he hits the end call button, winding Hao Ting's arms over his person with his back resting on the larger boy's chest. "I can't believe you did that."

"It wasn't on purpose."

"Now, why don't I believe you?" 

"Okay, the first one wasn't on purpose."

"Must be a really hard equation." Xi Gu counters with a grin. He's smiling, he looks happy, carrying a kind of relaxed air that wasn't there before. Still, Hao Ting has to make sure he didn't cross any line. 

"Xiao Yu?"

"Mhm?" 

"Are you okay?" 

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"We just... did that. After I told you I wasn't going to pressure you if you weren't ready."

Xi Gu turns in his embrace and pinches his cheeks lightly. "Do I look like I got pressured?" Hao Ting shakes his head. "We kissed and touched each other. It wasn't... really like that, was it?" He asks haltingly, pink cheeks growing a shade darker and oh, how could he forget, Xi Gu at eighteen didn't equate making out and mutual touching as sex in the traditional sense. So he should be the same at sixteen.

"So you're open to more of that? The kissing? The touching?" Hao Ting hopefully asks.

"I'm a guy. I have needs too. I just... never had to do something like that with anyone. It's only ever been just my hand." Xi Gu shyly admits and Hao Ting's breath hitches, mind racing with the mental image of Xi Gu touching himself wantonly in the privacy of this room, calling out his name and—

"Are you drooling?"

"Nope." Hao Ting swiftly denies, thumbing the corner of his mouth while Xi Gu eyes him suspiciously. He takes a grounding inhale and pulls Xi Gu closer to him, legs twining as he smiles coyly under his lashes. "So... you liked it? Me touching you? You enjoyed it?" 

Xi Gu nods demurely. "Very much. It's like... you knew exactly what to do to make me feel good." He says, voice a soft whisper, low and alluring. They've already made love multiple times before that Hao Ting considers himself an expert in all things Yu Xi Gu when it comes to the bedroom. "And touching you, it felt so natural. I couldn't stop myself. It was surprising how much I wanted to make you feel good too." Xi Gu adds, before he's biting his lower lip in hesitation. "Did... you like it?" 

It's not even a question. Hao Ting wouldn't have come as hard as he did if he didn't. He tells Xi Gu as much who flushes prettily and ducks his head in embarrassed pleasure. Hao Ting's hungry gaze lands on his mouth again and he's about to claim his rosy lips when Xi Gu puts up a finger, effectively stopping him.

"Uncle's waiting." Xi Gu reminds him with a pained smile. "You might miss the bus. You should go."

Hao Ting groans, forehead landing on Xi Gu's shoulder before he rears back and puckers up for a good night kiss. Xi Gu laughs softly as he indulges him one last time before smacking him playfully on the ass and pulling him off the bed.

* * *

Hao Ting boots up his computer and resumes the search work he's been doing for the past few days.

If it's up to him, he'd rather not find Xi Gu's aunt, but personal feelings aside, Xi Gu loves her despite how she dropped him like a hot potato the minute he could support himself. She was never there to celebrate his achievements, from the scholarship, to graduating highschool valedictorian to getting accepted at TNU, but despite all this and never showing herself during the holidays and most importantly, Xi Gu's 18th birthday, she was still family. It aggravates him to think how she didn't even buy Xi Gu a phone so they could maintain contact.

Hao Ting isn't one to easily hate, to truly loathe someone is not something he does. And yet Yu Lin Guang became the exception to the rule. After the accident, she came barelling into their lives, claiming Xi Gu's body and taking him away. Her strong religious background had blamed their relationship as the cause for Xi Gu's death, called it a punishment for their sins, and she had kept his funeral private after Hao Ting had lost his shit and screamed at her face when she attempted to clean out Xi Gu's things in their apartment, from his wallpapers, to his phone to Xiao Bai without his permission.

Up until Hao Ting's last trip to the Himalayas, he hadn't known where Xi Gu had been buried.

He had fought like a man possessed to be able to keep the things that Xi Gu daily used and treasured the most. But the wallpapers got ripped apart in the argument and though he kept Xiao Bai, the horned beetle died a mere month after its owner's death. It's lifespan was short, and the loss hit him when he was barely hanging by a thread, pushing him to the path of his first suicide attempt. Xi Gu's box of memories had been confiscated by his parents and hidden away after his hospitalization. It had been a surprise to see the container after all the years that passed. Mommy said it was time to let Xi Gu go, probably thinking he was finally ready to move on and look through his things for some kind of closure especially with the upcoming trip with Phoebe to the States, not knowing how wrong she was.

Hao Ting doesn't want to see Xi Gu's aunt, let alone make nice with her. But he can't operate selfishly. She still looked after Yu Xi Gu when he had no one, clothed and fed him until he grew up enough to stand on his own. They knew each other for a mere week before she disappeared. He doesn't like her but he doesn't want her an enemy. If she still thinks lowly of what he and Xi Gu have, then he'll just have to show her the error of her ways, won't he? Hao Ting is going to be the best damn in-law she'll ever get to have.

His search hasn't given any concrete information for the meantime however. He checks Zhu Ji Wei's social media account, deliberating whether he should make contact with the nine year old. 

He doesn't have a full-fleshed out plan yet on how to reunite Xi Gu with Zhu Ji Wei, or at the very least, have the brothers be aware of each other, but it won't hurt to keep tabs on his once junior until he has something more definite to work with.

His first step should definitely be to provide Xi Gu a smartphone as soon as possible for his peace of mind, so he doesn't go stir crazy worrying about him during the times they are not next to each other.

Hao Ting wonders if anyone online would hire a 16 year old to tutor Physics. If not, would Pa maim him if he steals his resume? Give him a pair of reading glasses, some button-down shirt and he could probably look the part of his mid-twenties self. Hao Ting sighs. He'll cross that bridge when he gets there. 

* * *

Uncle and Xiang Yong Ching are seated in the living room with them while Auntie is in the kitchen preparing the refreshments. 

It's Friday, judgment day. Xi Gu's cheeks are starting to hurt from forcing a smile to contrast Uncle's austere expression from the opposite couch. He wants to reach out for Hao Ting, interlock their fingers to give him support but refrains in the off chance it triggers some suspicion in his family as to the true nature of their relationship. 

"Well, you're awfully quiet." Uncle says, grave face aimed at Hao Ting, mustache twitching. "I admit I expected you to be impatient and demand for my answer the second you both sat on that couch."

"Mommy's still preparing our drinks, it would be rude to start without her." Hao Ting says as Xi Gu keeps his silence just like how they discussed so his boyfriend can do most of the talking. "This involves Yu Xi Gu's future living arrangements with us and I would like to handle this with utmost care and attention with everyone involved present. After all, if Xi Gu starts living here, he's going to be like a second son to you and Mommy, and another older brother to Yong Ching. He's going to be family."

Through the pleasant warmth shooting up his insides at Hao Ting's zealous, sincere words, Xi Gu can't help shrink a little from Uncle's considering stare, darting between him and Hao Ting as if searching for some deeper meaning to his son wanting his schoolmate moving in out of the blue. 

Hao Ting told him about his father's deeply-rooted bigotry and couldn't stress enough to Xi Gu that if he does end up living with them, they can't be careless around the house. Xi Gu is not sure he likes the idea of lying by omission to Hao Ting's parents, especially if they choose to take him in. But he reminds himself that he's not doing any of this for them. His decisions are mainly for his boyfriend's benefit. He wants to give him peace of mind and help make sure his parents continue to be happy with his grades.

"Do you really think I'd say yes?" Uncle asks.

"I do, if only going by the merits I stated when I proposed the idea of Xi Gu being my stay in tutor. At least until we graduate highschool."

"I see. And Student Yu? Do you have anything to—" 

"I'm sorry for cutting you off Pa, but Mommy is not here yet." Hao Ting interjects, fully intent on using his mother's fondness for Xi Gu to their advantage. "Let's wait until she's around okay?"

The sound of Yong Ching opening her bag of chips breaks the silence before Uncle runs a hand down his face and nods his head in agreement. 

* * *

Hao Ting is impressive, Xi Gu thinks, nothing short of amazed as he watches his boyfriend and his parents converse like an intense tennis match. 

Xi Gu knows that Hao Ting carries a certain level of maturity with him that is absent from teenagers their age. Even Xi Gu, for all that he's been forced to grow up fast, doesn' think he can conduct himself the way Hao Ting is presently doing. Gone is the boy who likes to roughouse with his friends and is not past childishly begging Xi Gu for kisses with his pout on full display. He's calm and calculated, always with a rebuttal at the ready if any of his family members say something against Xi Gu staying. Though it seems the protests mostly come from Uncle Xiang and he sounds like he's testing Hao Ting's reasoning abilities than actual opposition.

From the way Hao Ting talks, to the look in his eyes, his ramrod posture, if Xi Gu didn't know any better, he wouldn't believe Hao Ting is a mere sixteen year old. He sounds like an adult, carries himself like an adult as he fully lays out his plans, advocating for Xi Gu without an ounce of disrespect or impatience. If he'd acted even a fraction of what he's doing now when he talked to the School Administrator on what he could do to make up for his grades during the Prelim exams, Xi Gu can understand why they approved his request to work for the faculty for extra credit.

Hao Ting is still dealing with his trauma, but despite that and getting dumped with the role as errand boy around school, he still managed to get perfect scores from the two pop quizzes Mrs. Zhu handed out recently while also consistently participating in class. It was all Gao Chun and Xia En kept grumbling about the past two days because the teachers are finally believing Xiang Hao Ting's drastic change for the better and expected them to be the same. Come to think of it, he's never seen Hao Ting slack off during their study time either. He's serious when he needs to be, but when he's not immersed in schoolwork, Hao Ting's eyes and hands and general body language always gravitate towards him. Such behavior that Xi Gu is embarrassed to admit has more than once followed him into his dreams. 

Xi Gu smiles at Auntie as he takes a sip from his lemonade, pleasantly sore mouth running dry as he recalls the heated, desperate kisses they shared at the back of the library before leaving school. 

After a short phone call from his mother, reminding him about their promise for Friday, Hao Ting had steadily turned cold under his touch. Xi Gu had quickly pulled him close and the other boy had clung to him, heart pounding against Xi Gu's rib cage. He had eased back an inch, raked his fingers through Hao Ting's hair, gaze zeroing in on his trembling lips. Xi Gu leaned forward then and kissed him, forcing his boyfriend to focus on them instead. One kiss led to another, and another, until there were fingers on the back of his neck, Hao Ting's larger bulk backing him up against the wall, their bodies pressed hot and tight from thigh to chest. Xi Gu had been reduced to breathy little gasps and moans until his boyfriend sagged and curled against him. While trying to catch their breaths, Hao Ting had admitted how terrified he was, that he dreaded his father's decision and had just been trying not to think too much about it. Xi Gu hadn't even been able to tell the shaking boy that it was alright if his parents said no, worried it'd worsen his anxiety.

He's done his best to encourage him, reassured Hao Ting that they could live together at his apartment if today didn't pan out. He said the words in an effort to calm him down but Hao Ting overwhelmed by nerves had nodded vigorously, readily proposed that worst comes to worst they could elope, that he'll find a job and they could support each other. He said he could face anything as long he has Xi Gu by his side. Separation was not an option.

They were only supposed to be negotiating if he would be staying at the Xiang house or not. It wasn't like they'd be banned from seeing each other like Romeo and Juliet. If it doesn't work out, he will continue living in his apartment. Hao Ting can come over anytime. They still have school, will still be boyfriends. 

Nothing has to change. 

But to Hao Ting who lost someone to an accident when he hadn't been looking, not having Xi Gu constantly in his sights maybe feels too much like another death sentence waiting to happen. Xi Gu would be the last person on earth to fault someone for only trying to ensure that their loved one remain safe. He's touched by such thoughtfulness and protectiveness. And honestly, if given the chance, he's sure he'd be the same if it were his parents. Wasn't it also just a couple nights ago that he pleaded Hao Ting to stay the night, terrified of letting him go and navigate the dangerous streets in such downpour? 

"... be up to him, if he's okay with it. Student Yu, what do you think?" 

Xi Gu blinks, struggling to remember the last part of the conversation while he'd been lost in thought. There was something about him being okay with... something. His gaze dart to Hao Ting and finds him smiling, actually, he looks ecstatic, eyes bright and riveted.

The look on his boyfriend's face at least gives him a general idea of how to respond. "Sure, Uncle. I don't mind at all." He replies with what he hopes is not at all a clueless smile at the Xiang family before he turns back to Hao Ting who suddenly pounces on him, arms coming around his shoulders as he starts making endearing high-pitched noises. Xi Gu makes a show of trying to escape his clutches, sighing in exasperation by his hyperactivity when everything in him is jumping in happiness at seeing Hao Ting's unadulterated joy and relief.

"It's going to be like a sleepover Xiao Yu! But for a really long time!" Hao Ting gushes, like an innocent excited child, the stern adult version buried under all the happy glow.

With an indulgent sigh, he brings up a hand to pat his hair. "What are you, five?" He softly reprimands and gets a cheek rub for his trouble.

"Alright. It's settled then." Uncle stands up and makes his approach, and before he knows what's happening, he's pulled into Auntie Xiang's bossom as she tearfully welcomes him to the family. Uncle pats him on the shoulder and Yong Ching nods at him from her perch on the couch's armrest.

"You boys pack Xiao Gu's belongings and call Papa once you're done so he can help with the move. The both of you should be back for dinner by then, okay?"

"Yes, Mommy! I'll change and we'll go." Hao Ting cheerily salutes. He bows respectfully at his father, Xi Gu doing much of the same thing as they thank him again for letting him stay. 

Hao Ting kisses his mother's cheek and rubs his sister's head as he pulls him along to what he suspects is his bedroom. The second Xi Gu gets gently pushed inside, he hears the lock click and is next surrounded by warmth from all sides. There's a hand around his waist, fingers on his jaw and soft, smiling lips coaxing his mouth open, and it doesn't take long until he loses himself in the sweet familiarity of Hao Ting's kisses and caresses, feeling indescribably lucky and content. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things. I made a change in the timeline. Just a small thing. After the first day Hao Ting and Xi Gu met at the clinic, Hao Ting spent the next several days watching Xi Gu from afar, following him home while always putting food on his table during lunch accompanied by a note riddled with hearts and a message for Xi Gu to enjoy his meal. The thoughtfulness touched Xi Gu and one night he noticed XHT following him and resignedly gave him permission to walk him home before Hao Ting manages to hurts himself ducking into bushes whenever Xi Gu glances behind his back. So it's been roughly a week since Hao Ting first arrived in the past.
> 
> I wonder if this story is still being read 👀

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this bit, feel free to leave a comment. It makes my week! And feeds my poor broken heart 😭
> 
> Also, come scream with me over stuff at my tumblr [shaenanigans](https://shaenanigans.tumblr.com)
> 
> UPDATE: This fic also now kinda has an FMV? Err not really but it's 2 FMVs I made. The first one is about XHT's pain and the end of the video hints that he's already in the "past" and Xi Gu was watching him sleep. The second one is basically their happily ever after. 😁😁 I'm not much of a video editor so this was meh. *bricked* But hey, A for effort I guess.
> 
> [all we had is gone now](https://youtu.be/4pRY1Nc9o-k) and [you're never gonna be alone.](https://youtu.be/XN5z1KMxOSI)


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